What's the best piece of parenting advice you've ever ignored and why?

[LunaDream0]

Question from a new mother.

I was told to ‘just let him into your bed’- didn’t- he went back every time and it worked (for me, I know everyone is different)

Don't let the baby nap on you, let him cry in the crib he'll learn.

He was like a very lovely parasite for the first year, always with me/on me. He's now a very confident/independent 6 year old who still likes a cuddle.
Going to my brother's house where they had a very similar aged baby and hearing her essentially cry herself to sleep made me feel nauseous.

I was also told not to co-sleep as she was "never going to leave your bed"
She moved into her own room herself at 7 and is the most independent teen you can imagine now. Occasionally when she's had something serious happen she comes back in and camps out in a sleeping bag in my room for a couple of days for a "sleepover" and then she goes back to her room when she's feeling better. She says knowing she has us, even in the middle of the night, makes her sleep sounder in her own bed.

The other thing was bedtimes - everyone was telling me to get her to bed earlier so I would have the evening to myself - but she liked to sleep later and then she would wake up a bit later - it suited our family fine! My friends all had babies that were up at 6am. Eek! I was happy with our sleep timetable, so was she.

i ignored all advice about spoiling my babies by ‘holding them too much’. Especially with DC2 because of reflux. Being upright was most comfortable position so DC2 spent majority of early months in our arms. I can confirm that none of them require being carried around all the time now. (Age range 22 months to 15 years).

I did also ignore the advice about sleep training for one of mine they weren’t left to cry it out but I did give them a chance to settle before picking them up again (they were whinging rather then crying if you get me), Sleep is a need for small children and mine was not getting enough. Was like a completely different baby once they started to get enough sleep.

Don't give your breastfed baby a bottle before six weeks. Ignored this advice with both DDs so DH could give expressed milk. No nipple confusion at all with either of them, and it meant they never had issues taking a bottle.

I don't think there are any peer reviewed studies.

Think about it logically, everyone over the age of 45ish would have been sleep trained. Yet, the current younger generation are the ones with all the mental health problems.

I didn't sleep train my youngest and he is the one who still finds it difficult to sleep (aged 18). I did with the younger two and they have always slept really well (and have no attachment issues).

Open a bank account for your baby. Tell family and friends to pay money into the bank account for Christmas and birthdays instead of buying cuddly toys and plastic tat.

I ignored that and ended up with a houseful of cr*p the combined cost of which, with compound interest, would have helped finance DC through university.

Let the baby cry because it develops their lungs. Not once did I let my babies (or at toddler stage) cry. Would pick them up straightaway.
Never used a stair gate.
Give the exclusively breast fed babies water if they feel overheated or are poorly. Nope. They don't need it.

Have you tried him on solids? Under 6 months, just so I could get some sleep. Ignore, ignore, ignore. It's been over a decade since I had a baby but that's the only one that comes to mind!

Where does the NHS advise against sleep training? All I can find is articles about sleep training - pretty gentle methods like bedtime routines and gradual retreat rather than cry it out, but I can't see anything against sleep training.

This one isn't personal for me, I didn't sleep train. But that was for selfish reasons because I couldn't listen to the crying. I'm not sure it was actually in their interests - sleep is important and parents should be supporting their DC to get as much as possible.

Just feed your kids what you're eating.
Doesn't work when your child has sensory issues with food.
Feed them what they will eat (within reason) is better advice. Most kids grow out of eating very restrictive diets but it can take a long time.

Same! Youngest slept in our bed until 3.5 years old and then went into his own bed & room with no problems at all 😊 I loved co-sleeping and it meant we all actually got a good sleep!

Baby led everything. Didn’t last for very long because it was a nightmare, much happier with a schedule.

Sleep training was wonderful too.

We had a baby led schedule. Our eldest was one of those who wanted to do the same thing at the same time every day and would punish us overnight when we veered from it.

IME most parents know what their baby needs OP, you'll be grand.

My HV said exactly the same! Mine slept a good 7 hours from a few weeks old. They were small but not underweight. I was told they had no energy to cry as I wasn't feeding them regularly enough!! What rubbish. I ignored the advice and was blessed with a very good sleeper who's weight has been fine. Even now at 18, they like their sleep and will happily go to bed first at home, always by 10pm!

I wish I had done this, and built up to a bottle a day as BFing became more confident. We only did 2 bottles once a week andn Mine started refusing at about 3.5 months. It's been exhausting. I could still have BF 90% of the time.

"In the end you'll have to put them to bed by themselves & leave them to cry so you may as well do it now"

cuddled them all to sleep for as long as they wanted, never left a baby or child in tears & they all go to bed happily now.

plus all the stop breastfeeding/stop co sleeping/stop using slings crap - it worked for us & I'm delighted.

More controversial "you must send them to nursery" - no thank you!

Which sleep trying method did you use?

You can support a child to get as much sleep as possible without letting them cry to excitinction, though?!

Pick up/put down.

All that "baby can't wait" stuff. Shit still needs doing and I wouldn't have enjoyed spending 24 hours a day cuddling my baby amid ever increasing levels of mess and laundry and chaos.

If you search for NHS and ‘cry it out’ on Google you will find what you’re looking for.

"If he cries, cuddle him - he just wants you".

Nope, turned out he wanted desperately to go to sleep and my presence/contact was keeping him awake, which he very much did not want to be. Two hours of frantic screaming/patting/rocking bobbing later, I put him on the bed and stared at him in despair, upon which he gave a sort of dying wail, flung his arms out and passed out.
The next day I put him in his cot THE SECOND he started grizzling. Ten minutes crying, 2 hours blissful sleep for all.

DS2 was exactly the same. It always amused me that my children had no truck with the gentle loving parenting advice and wanted to be left the fuck alone 😂

I didn't schedule my babies. I can see it has it's place if your baby really is all over the place with sleeping etc, but everyone I knew who had to put their baby to sleep in a darkened room at specific times could never make anything socially, because they always had to dash home for a nap. Getting mine used to napping in the buggy when out was a godsend - never had to worry about when they napped. I do appreciate it doesn't work for everyone and some baby do need a consistent, quiet, dark space to nap, but do try other options before assuming that has to be the case.

Give the baby a bath before bed to calm them into a lovely, easy, deep sleep... Only made my baby/toddler scream the place down and/or super hyperactive.

People often give parenting advice as some kind of one-size-fits-all nonsense.