"My children are my whole life"

[emkana]

What are your first thoughts on hearing those words from a woman (if you ever do!).

Does it make a difference what age her children are?

sorry didn't mean to be quite so nasty in my reply, just hit a nerve that's still very raw right now.

I only ever heard that phrase when is followed by a moan about how tiresome their children are/or an admision that they have done something that it is not up to their own standards.

I would think they are what her life revolves around at this point in life.
I certainly wouldn't think about what she was going to do when they left home!!
Life is fluid, things change.
What is wrong with being selfless at some stage?

My first thoughts would be, have a few other things in your life too.

As children grow, they constantly do more things, meet more people, form more relationships and move away from you. I think it's good for parents to carry on doing these sort of things too.

I wouldn't describe it as 'selfless'

I think I'm in Tutter's gang

I think it is wrong to make assumptions about someone's life based on that statement actually. Just because it may be the case at the moment that she is solely focused on her children, doesn't necessarily mean she will be left lonely and with nothing when they grow up and leave home.

My mum has 9 children and although she has spent a large part of her life raising children, she has since completed a degree, runs a business and is now living in Florida for several months of the year.

Goodness me, I would hate to be that ladies future daughter-in-law

FAQ thats what I thought too. When my marriage broke up my kids were 3 weeks old and 16 months and there dad wanted nothing to do with them. My kids were my life because they made me get out of bed and keep going at that really low point and because they dad didnt what to see them and I was more aware that it was probably only me who would always be there for them unconditionally which made me really protective of them. Hope you feel better soon faq things do get better even though they feel like they never will and it makes you alot stronger person, I promise.
It really depends on age and context. If a woman was describing her spare time and hobbies I would say quite said. But if she was describing how much she loved them or she was upset because something bad had happened ie childs health scare, I wouldnt take it so literal

This is what I don't understand, just because I really don't do much apart from being with my children and doing stuff for them atm, I know full well it won't stay that way and in a way I'm excited about what else life will bring when they grow.

Why is it assumed that you choose to let your life revolve around your children at one stage, it means you can/will never do anything else?

I think that I would say it, and mean it, but it's not that straightforward. It doesn't mean that you have nothing else in your life, I mean, you wouldn't want to curl up and die if you lost your job, couldn't do a hobby any more or stopped talking to a friend. It's rather insulting to say it means that you should get out more. To me it means that DS is the single most important thing in the world to me and nothing else can match up to what it would feel like if I lost him.

Nothing sad or lonely about that.

There is a difference between your children being 'your whole life' and 'your priority' the latter, in my opinion being more balanced. Children need to separate from their parents at appropriate stages and the 'fused' state that some paren create with their children can make this really hard fot a child to be themselves.

First thoughts were asked for, not an in-depth contextualised analysis.

If children are very young it would be more understandable, in a general no-knowledge-of-specifics kind of way.

Excuse typos there seems to be half a cornflake 'fused' under my 't' key.

I don't think it's sad at all- you will have strong bond with them throughout your life, and that demands an intense period at some stage

fair point pointydog

I didn't realise at first this was about you, emkana. If people just answer very objectively, try not to get upset by it because some replies might seem personal

I think if you are happy that's the main ting. Personally I would say my children are the most important in my life, but not my whole life. I know that I would not have wanted to be my mother's whole life.

I speak from bitter experience sprogger

my kids were my life for the past few years and I was happy with that (before I had kids I did think it sounded sad,but what did I know?)

Now the youngest is nearly 4 and I've noticed that when I collect them from school, they blend into the home and I may not have to interfere at all (they're happily playing together and I'm happily sipping coffee and listening to the banter and planning to get dinner ready). So sometimes I ask them 'how was school?' etc and sometimes I just let them be and realise that however much I love them, they sometimes don't even NOTICE ME THERE! LOL!! Honestly.

I do think that the statement is a true reflection of a devoted mother, but I hope the kids wouldn't feel stifled at the other end.

Motherhood is a bloody hard balancing act really...

My family is pretty much my whole life and that's the way I like it. Yes I have friends and a job and a life outside the home BUT my family are my number one priority, I consider them before myself and I am happy to do it. It's not sad in the least if it's want you want to do.

I have danced on the bar in Ibiza and clubbed til dawn, I have been on girly holidays, I have been on couples holidays, I have staggered in the door after many a night on the tiles. I'm done with all that.

I don't want to go out after work with random colleagues, I don't want to go on hen nights or Butlins 70's weekenders. Nope, all done. Sit here happily wearing the t-shirt!

Now I concentrate on my family really, I enjoy their company and honestly love spending time with them.

Thank you for your kind concern pointydog

honestly? my first thought would be "how depressing"
I would assume it meant she had nothing in her life except her kids
and they won't be kids forever
and what will she be left with?

What would I think? I'd think, fair enough, she's just like me then.

I mean, I do have a job, which I like (mostly), I have other family, I have friends (some RL ones, even), interests - I even go to church .

But I live for my children, I adore them, and I couldn't imagine life without them. It would be very hard for me to construct a life that had a meaning without my children.

Wow, PPH - how very polar opposite .