Not sure about granny’s childcare

[DB1991]

Hi I’m sorry this is maybe an unusual post and I wasn’t sure what category to put it in as I don’t post here often but would appreciate some advice.

I have a son who is almost 2.5 years old. Since birth I’ve been his primary carer (mum) and when I went back to work just after my son’s first birthday, my mum (granny) would have him two days a week while I worked. My husband has him for the other day when I’m working.

I actually don’t have any concerns about what my husband does on his day with our son but it’s more to do with my mum.

We moved house last year into a more rural area and there honestly isn’t much about here - you really need a car to get about although there is a local shop and play park of a reasonable size.

Since my son has gotten older and more independent, he likes to be kept busier. He is now dropping his only nap (yikes) too. On my days with him, I drive almost every day to soft play or the supermarket or out for lunch with him. We also visit larger parks to give him variety or we bake if the weather is not good.

My mum has been living with us while she has work carried out in her house which has been challenging for a variety of reasons but I feel like she doesn’t do as much with my son on her two days with him and it’s concerning me a little bit.

She doesn’t drive so it’s more difficult for her to offer variety but I sometimes feel she could be doing more. I hate him sitting about watching TV all day - there’s only so many toys he can also play with for an entire day.

We have recently started visits to a local nursery with a view to him attending two half days per week; one to fall on one of his days with granny. I think once that’s in place, ill feel better as I know he will be kept busy and will be learning new things but until then, I worry he is not getting enough from the time they spend together.

Am I worrying about nothing here? I work from home too so I can hear everything that’s going on which doesn’t help. I prefer to be in the office but it’s far away and cost of petrol etc. means we need to watch our spending and also considering we will have nursery to pay for soon until we get full funding next August.

I’d love for my mum to do activities with my son, or baking but even when I suggested they use one of those pre made cupcake recipe boxes we had in the cupboard she just said no, and that was the end of it.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful because she loves him so much and would do anything for him. My husband thinks this may improve/change when my mum moves out of our house soon but I’m not entirely sure.

Of course you have a right to be concerned about your son. But you don't have a right to dictate to your mother about what activities she needs to do with your son. You can suggest, encourage etc. But if you aren't happy with how she cares for him then you or your partner need to drop work to care for him yourself or you need to use childcare.

I don't think that 2 days of pottering at home are detrimental if he's out and active the other 5 days. Time with granny is differently paced. Does he enjoy the time with granny? If you think he is becoming bored or that too much TV time is having an adverse impact on him then reduce granny days. Kids do need some downtime and some relaxed child led play.

I think being at home all day is fine, as long as the TV isn't on. Maybe just limit it to the time he would have had a nap, like a quiet time.

I think you should stop worrying, get things firmly into perspective, and be very grateful to your Mum.

Too many children are ‘entertained’ to within an inch of their life! A really valuable skill is to be able to occupy your time yourself without any external input. Constantly taking children to this activity and that group is massively over stimulating.

I completely agree and that’s why we give ours parents only a couple of hours at a time. However when they do have them, they try and do fun things and not rely on screens all day. They actually walk them to a playground or try to paint a picture or whatever .

Tbh I agree with you, I don't think TV and screen time is good for young children, definitely not all day twice a week.

When is she due to move out?

My mum was desperate to provide childcare for my son but honestly I am glad that we decided to send him to nursery and kept her visit as fun social grandmother time.

I also think at 2.5+ he can do full days at nursery. Mine is only 18 months but he loves it - where else would he be allowed to play in a sandpit to his heart's content? [Wink]

What does she do with him there is lots to do indoors does she read books, Puzzles, colours and numbers with flash cards. Playing pairs with favourite characters. Singing nursery rhymes. Drawing and painting.

My mum does one day a week childcare for me, and I'm so unbelievably grateful! She's saving me a lot of money and doing me a huge favour. As long as my DC is happy and kept alive, I'm not going to start dictating what she does with them. Toddlers are tiring. Either accept your mum's help and be grateful for it or pay for childcare.