Is after school stressful for everyone or am I just an awful Mum? Only half joking!

[Gingerbreadcookiesforme]

I have two children, aged 5 and nearly 8 and after school feels like a battle most evenings! I don’t know if other people find this too or if it’s something I’m doing wrong. The oldest is on the waiting list for assessment for autism so I’m aware that may effect things but the youngest isn’t and they both are challenging in different ways.

Currently they’re not in after school clubs besides swimming and occasionally one day of wraparound care as I work full time. We get home, they have snacks and I try to have some stuff set up for them to do if they like as otherwise they descend into physical play like wrestling which is short lived until someone gets hurt. Then after an hour they can watch TV or go on tablets etc until dinner time. We tried doing things the opposite way round with screen time first and it just descended into chaos before dinner and I don’t want them on screens for hours as it really effects their behaviour:

I feel like after school until bedtime is such a slog and I hate that because I love my children very much and I want to enjoy my time with them: I have one on one time with them when I put them to bed and that’s lovely.

I feel like a referee breaking up fights constantly or arguments and it’s exhausting. It hasn’t always felt like this- I think the combination of the oldest entering a new stage and the younger one having a bit of a growth spurt and adjusting to school has taken its toll but we’re over a term in now and it’s still so hard.

Am I just an awful Mum? Or is after-school hard for other people too? I’d be open to other suggestions. Maybe this is just hard ages wise? Please help!

I've got the same age gap as you and mostly feels the same. Tiring after school...we don't have screen time on weekdays so they're just generally playing which seems to always turn into fighting. I'm also still working from home at the time so my attention's divided which is the worst bit.

It's always better in summer when they just spend the whole time in the garden. But on cold darks nights the hours do seem to drag after school.

Generally I get them grating cheese, tidying something, helping with some chore if they keep bickering.

Get home from school

Snack

TV

Dinner

Bath/play out/chill out

Bedtime by 8pm

Similar ages to yours

It must be very stressful working full time but not really using wraparound.

We use the after school club every day that we are both working and that really helps. Mine are a similar age and otherwise things degenerates into wrestling etc as you describe

I remember after 2 terms of DH doing the after school pick up and care.

"It's a miracle I got them all home today with no tears from anyone"

🤣

It's tough.

Yes, mine are 4 and 6 and it feels impossible. We don’t do TV in the week or have screens at all (no iPads) because life is hard enough without them.
I agree that chores help, the problem now is the 6 year old has advanced homework and needs support and the 4 year old is raring to go but can’t do the same things.
I would say try and lose the screens and give them jobs. It will still be hard but you’ll get more done and they won’t get addicted to screens.

Also if you can afford it and there are sports clubs after school, do them! They probably have a lot of pent up energy.

I couldn’t do full time work without wrap around.. can you book them in more? How do you fit your hours in? Same age kids as you plus and older one.
If mine are at home we similarly descend into madness. 😰

Ww used to go to the park every day after school. Let them run wild for an hour. Then home. Cbeebies. Then dinner and all the other stuff.

I feel you! But I need to know how to manage the time better! We have Dstep-child (8) twice a week on school nights and we cannot cram in the snack, chill out time, homework/reading/music practice in time as well as dinner/bath/story before bed. I find these evenings stressful and hard work whilst entertaining a young baby too!

Yep we have a park visit between school and home, with snacks in the car. They can run it all off then they are more ready to settle when I cook tea.

Take advantage of the after school club. I wouldn’t get much done if I was trying to work with my kids at home. They’re good kids but always wanting my attention, or food, or just generally being loud. Must be very stressful.

In the winter I would have dinner when you step through the door if possible, have something in the slow cooker etc. then bath. Then play and restructure it that way and DD used to love spending ages in the bath.

They have been doing ' worthwhile' things all day at school. Snack after school, and a good run about. They are ready to just veg out a bit when they get home. They do not need all this screen ban , enriching bollocks. Imagine after a hard day at work you would just want to kick back in the evening not do more structured stuff, They are fighting because they have no time to just 'be',

That’s very true about the lighter evenings, I had kind of forgotten that part as they would usually go into the garden for a while during that time and it was calmer and felt easier. I hadn’t really taken into account that the darker evenings and less time outside would be making a difference. My oldest loves a ‘night walk’ as do I but my youngest is scared of the dark even with a torch and refuses to come which means we can’t go very often.

And is it generally calm or mayhem? I’ve been limiting TV/screens until a bit later but maybe that’s not the right way to do it!

Yes it is, my husband and I share the pick ups etc and try to work around each other but it does make things more challenging!

It’s the cost really. It’s £15 a day which really adds up!

In all honesty if you're wanting to work I'd put at least one of them in wraparound

I think eating a little earlier could help but I can’t do much that’s slow cooker friendly as my oldest is autistic and his food choices are quite narrow and none must involve sauce! We eat at 5 together at the moment but I could move this forward. Agree about the long bath times!

Harsh but fair. They don’t have a screen ban, it’s just not all evening as we’ve noticed their behaves is worse after. But as you can see, many people don’t use screens at all and feel that’s better and so it’s really hard to know what to do for the best sometimes.

I start early and I do some evening hours. Wraparound is expensive and we have no family help. I just try to muddle through as well so I can.

Thank you, I really needed to hear this. My mum died 2 years ago and I miss her just being there. She couldn’t do much to help physically in term time but just being able to talk these things through was so helpful.

I feel like I don’t have enough time, not in a good way, it’s just all so rushed. Partly because my DD (reception) just takes so long to do the basics and everything is a fight. It wears me down. We get no quality time because it’s wasted just trying to survive.

get home 3.30 - she normally has a tantrum or kicks off as she’s tired and pent up so won’t get out the car or take her shoes off or wash her hands. Whatever the reason the we waste 20 mins of her tantrum.

dinner about 4.15 - takes forever as she is hungry but won’t eat properly, wants me to feed her, gets distracted, moans

17.15 tv whilst i clean the kitchen and try not to cry

17.45 start bath bed time and in bed by 18.30

i struggle to fit in her homework as she is not cooperative, she doesn’t want to sit down again and practice writing.

I also have a 2 yo. I feel like it’s just all terrible time.

@Gingerbreadcookiesforme sorry to hear about your Mum, that’s really difficult. If you have another close one to talk to, do. Sometimes you just have to vent!

It’s a nightmare 😅 spring, summer, autumn and winter all come with their own stresses no matter what way I structure the evenings there will be laughter that end in tears usually fights between my middle boys! You’re not alone!