Velcro babies - how the bugger do you wee / shower etc when home alone?

[green33]

He’s seven weeks old and stubbornly refuses all attempts to put him in the next to me crib etc.

I’m desperate for a shower - I stink of stale milk etc. (I didn’t manage to have one last night when DH was home as we had to tag team with holding him / having dinner / housework etc.)

If you’ve had one the same - what do you do? Just put him down in the bathroom and ignore the tears and crying and wailing? It feels awful to see him so upset.

But equally I need to use the loo/make lunch etc.

What’s the kindest thing to do for him?

Mental health, plus you will stink. Not washing is gross and unhygienic and there is no need.

Agree.

I don't really understand why so many people are recommending leaving the baby to scream when the more obvious solution would be to shower when her DH is around

Agree, with one baby between the two of them there should easily be around 6 hours in the day when the DH is home and can look after his child. It shouldn’t be too hard to fit in a decent level of self care with a partner.
I had a very unsettled and clingy baby for one of mine and while sometimes they had to cry while you finished making a bottle or cooling their lunch etc I personally never made the decision to leave them crying and screaming in the cot if it could be avoided. I just didn’t find it pleasant, I was never going to wash or dry my hair again the a baby left to scream because it was just too stressful.

You need to tell your DH that you need 10 mins at least to shower and it's partially his responsibility to tell you to go and stop you doing other things. Or you just decide at 8
Eg 8pm you go shower wash hair brush teeth etc and it's done every day.

Yes - this is safer if both parents in own sleeping bag, or with a tucked in blanket low down and parents wearing jumpers

No reason not to shower in the evening, when partner is home...

In the swing, in the bathroom... If they wailed, they wailed. I needed literally 3 mins to just body wash.

Then discovered baby would settle in the angel care sling type bath seat so I sat in the bath, seat between my legs and facing me, and held the shower over me. Baby seemed to like this as they were still very close, could be touched and see me. Plus I could run a shallow bath and we'd both get a wash.

Get one of those things that rocks the pram or put the bouncy chair in front of the washing machine, ds was a velcro baby but the washer worked like a charm, it must have been to do with the fact the washer was knackered & vibrated like mad.

Baby bath chair in the shower with you.

Honestly, this is ridiculous. To allow yourself to be dirty and greasy?

Babies cry; six or seven minutes to shower and dry off is not going to be detrimental to him. He's only a "velcro baby" because you tolerate it. Surely his father can care for him while you do daily grooming.

My 8 week old is the same! I basically don’t shower unless my husband is working from home or when he gets back.

i use a baby carrier mostly and sometimes if she’s in an ok mood awake between feeds or nappy change I’ll leave her on the mat for 5 mins - impossible to put her down when she’s already asleep tho!

I feel your pain - waiting for the Velcro baby to become less Velcro haha

Aww I remember this. I used to bring the moses basket in, make sure baby was fed and warm, then shower singing nursery rhymes manically while she cried.

It helped me to know that her needs were (mostly) being met. I never, ever left her to cry any other time - but was a better parent for prioritising being clean.

Posters advising 'they are only a velcro baby because you let them be' can get in the bin. Please know that temperament is nothing in your control.

Our velcro baby is now a cuddly toddler who happily sits and plays in the bathroom while I shower.

I found if you actually TELL baby what you're going to do, and what you are doing running commentary-wise as in 'I'm going to go to the loo, so I'll bring you in to the loo and pop you down on this mat while I sit here - look I lift the lid like so, and I have to take my trousers and pants down and sit here. Then we flush it away with this lever on the top of the loo, I put the lid back down, and now I need to wash my hands - here's the tap, the soap' etc, baby soon learns world isn't going to end, and in time seems to understand what you're talking about. Or maybe the sound of your voice is just reassuring? In time you can 'chat' with pauses for baby babble back which is sweet, and eventually the words start flowing. I spent the first weeks nattering aloud to baby just explaining what was going on (lack of adult company, although I'm sure others thought I was nuts), and also I'm sure this is not a coincidence that no1 child was a very early speaker.

Thank you. I can only imagine they have no direct experience of a truly velcro baby. A bit of crying or whimpering is not what it is!

As it happens, I did take the Moses basket into the bathroom yesterday and he was satisfied in it for the five minutes it took to shower, thanks to gazing at the contrast between the colour of the radiator and the colour of the wall tiles. (The same did not happen this morning however, which was stressful!)

At least I got to go for coffee with clean hair. Albeit, mine was the only baby who could not sleep in the pram whilst there…! It’s okay though, he’s the most adorable little thing and I cannot complain about all the cuddles.

Have you got a rockit for the pram OP? it’s been a life saver for us when out and about and I’ve been bringing the pram inside for my 12 week old to sleep in with it on

Ooh everything you're saying was me!

Funnily enough, my DD is now the best pram napper out of all of our friends - happily snoozes two hours while we're out. Trust me, these velcro babies do eventually detach themselves - but goodness they are hard work!

Keep going, and huge well done on the shower and five minutes of calm yesterday! That's a huge win :-) It won't be every day, but trust me, gradually you'll have more showers without tears - and remember if you're meeting all her other needs taking fives minutes to shower while she cries is absolutely fine.

DD1 was a screaming velcro baby. I used the sling a lot. Hands free so can do lots of stuff. Anything else, including showers, waited until DP was around. She did grow out of it eventually, and once she was an older toddler was happy to watch TV while I showered, made dinner etc.

DD2 much happier baby, thankfully. She'll sit in the bouncy chair in the bathroom while I get ready. Less tolerance for cooking but much better than first child.

Everyone saying "just put the baby down" have not had Velcro babies.

Yes - it got me ten minutes yesterday when the pram had stopped moving (i.e. we’d arrived at the cafe). Unfortunately my front door has steps so we can’t bring the pram into the house. We have to stop pushing to get the bassinet off then the frame and get them inside. This inevitably wakes him up.

I tried the sling again earlier, thought I could put dinner on. Lol. He spent 15 mins looking around entranced by everything and then starting screaming. 😔

I also bought a second attachment to attach the Rockit to the Moses, and an 3D printed attachment to attach it to the Snuzpod. Sadly it doesn’t help. But still I will try.

It is 9:20pm now. He started yawning at 5pm so since then we’ve been trying to get him down. He hasn’t wanted DH at all - maybe 5-10 mins max, and has only wanted to feed on me. DH gave him a bottle of expressed milk but once it was gone he started grizzling again. We’ve been playing pass the parcel for over four hours with him. He has just gone to sleep on DH so I’ve escaped for a quick shower. This is normal for us. So called ‘90 minute wake windows’ for 0-3 months are a joke…!

So very true!

I 100% had a velcro baby. We coslept because he would only sleep on a human and he woke the second I rolled out of bed to pee. We barely used the pram because he cried in it. I had two choices: put him down, or not wash for days at a time. I put him down.

When my baby did this, it was because he was in fact massively overtired and overstimulated. The tireder babies get the harder it is for them to get to sleep.

The key for us was to catch the very first tiredness signs and actively put him to sleep straightaway. Usually not much more than an hour after waking. If we missed the window and he got overtired, I would take him into a dark room, swaddle him tightly, and hold and pat while playing LOUD white noise. He would fight the swaddle and wail like crazy for about a minute and be asleep within five. Babies that are sensitive to their environment and prone to overstimulation usually love the swaddle.

I love had 2 velcro babies (and 1 not). And a DH who worked 12 hour (14 hours out the house) shifts for 8 days in a row.
I had to leave them to cry. They occasionally vomited after 5 mins but generally just an awful scream.
But when I had 3 of them some times one of two of I was lucky had to scream. They all survived and actually I think they stopped crying over nothing much quicker when I got tougher