Velcro babies - how the bugger do you wee / shower etc when home alone?

[green33]

He’s seven weeks old and stubbornly refuses all attempts to put him in the next to me crib etc.

I’m desperate for a shower - I stink of stale milk etc. (I didn’t manage to have one last night when DH was home as we had to tag team with holding him / having dinner / housework etc.)

If you’ve had one the same - what do you do? Just put him down in the bathroom and ignore the tears and crying and wailing? It feels awful to see him so upset.

But equally I need to use the loo/make lunch etc.

What’s the kindest thing to do for him?

I used to put mine in the bouncy chair plonked right outside the shower and sing/talk to him. Yes he wailed but I don’t think it damaged him for those short moments.

ditto when making dinner.

My second baby was like this and my husband works away, was very difficult as we have very little family support. I just used to have to put her in her baby bouncer chair and have nursery rhymes/soothing music playing on my phone. A lot of the time she would scream the whole way through, but I didn't have any other choice. It did get a bit easier as she got older, she's nearly 2 now and will happily sit for 10 mins in a play pen in the bathroom with a few toys while I have a shower. She's still very velcro though!

With him only sleeping in the same bed as you ensure he isn't likely to get covers pulled over his head during the night. Co sleeping in cold climates can be risky and babies need to learn to sleep on their own.

Will he settle in the pram, take him a walk to sleep and then leave him in it while you shower?

Sometimes you just need to put them down - if they are fed, dry and not in pain, and in a safe place they can cry.

My first was like this and boy did i learn my lesson, he used to lock onto my hair and trying to put him down or pass him over was impossible and he cried none stop unless i held him.

When I had my younger child he was changed fed and put down in the moses or vibrating chair, or a mat on the floor with mobiles above him.

My daughter was like this, and if it makes you feel any better, she gradually grew out of it by about 3 months, where I could leave her for ten minutes or so, provided she had something else to look at. Until then, dry shampoo is your friend! 😂

I used to shower before DH left in the morning. This was non negotiable for me, I felt so much better for it.

Going to the loo - being totally honest during the really velcro phase, I would just have him in the sling.

I don't think there's anything wrong with leaving them to cry for a short period but I wasn't going to take a sleeping happy baby out of the sling when I could just leave him in there.

I ended up buying two slings because having the sling out of action when it was in the wash was too traumatic and it got really gross!

Is he OK with lying down if he's in your arms? Because if he has to be held upright all the time it could well be a problem like reflux rather than simply needing to be held (though babies that age do need to be held most of the time).
If he has reflux then it will be painful or uncomfortable for him to be put somewhere flat and the more upright you can get him in his chair the better.

With my most velcro baby I used to take him into the shower with me. It was easiest.

My Velcro baby I had to leave crying while I went to the toilet but funnily enough she always loved it when I got in the shower, I put her in the bouncy chair in front of it and I talk or sing to her and she wouldn’t cry. Despite crying every other time I tried to put her in the chair!

Completely feel your pain. I put DD in the bouncer and leave the shower door ajar. Then as the glass steams up I turn it into a game of peekaboo. She seems to like it!

Like others have said, put them down in a safe space and just shower. They will scream and cry but you need to have some time to shower and freshen up, you'll feel better for it. They will grow out of it over time xx

What sort of sling do you have?

I had the close caboo when mine were very little and it's amazing - you can basically just leave it on all the time, pop the baby in and tighten up.

Hi OP, lots of these posters have clearly not had a velcro baby. I have. (I've also had a non-velcro baby so I've seen both sides).

People don't get that you can't just take them into the bathroom with you because they scream when put down. They don't cry. They scream. And if you leave them then they scream and scream until they're sick and then they scream and scream louder.

I have no advice other than you've just got to muddle through. Take each portion of the day as it comes and I promise you that it does get better. Although remember that progress isn't linear so you might go backwards before going forwards.

It's so tough, and people who haven't been there can't imagine what it's like. But my velcro baby is now the sweetest, confident, outgoing toddler now.

Explain to him you're going to shower and you know he doesn't like being alone but he's safe and you'll be back - and then shower. When you're back and ready say, sorry it was hard to wait wasn't it.
Consistency is key, over time he'll cry less.
Breathe through the natural anxiety you're going to feel due to the sound of crying and remind yourself you're both safe.
Or shower with him...

When my oldest was born I was so afraid to let her cry I essentially just sat and waited for my husband to come home. I’d be hungry, smelly and desperate for the toilet when he walked through the door. It was terrible for my mental health. Eventually I realised that it was OK for her to cry some times and I started to take care of myself again. It was the best thing for both of us.

With my second, I got myself into a routine right from the beginning and we were all much happier for it.

Make sure you take care of yourself OP.

Bouncy chair in the bathroom whilst you shower. If they cry they cry, they'll be fine!! Happy clean mum, happy clean baby!

Our first was a velcro baby and yes I either showered before DH left in the morning, or had to let him cry in the bouncer for 10 minutes while I showered and dressed. I gave up using a hairdryer and learned how to braid my hair and use various clips to get it up and out the way, but at least I was clean.

I got good with the wrap, I think DS1 spent 90% of his time in the wrap in the early days, as he'd just scream any other time! Its just practice and things got better with time. I remember being in such a hole thinking that we'd be stuck like that forever, but babies grow and change so quickly, it just wont feel like that now.

We did go on to have another, but not until DS1 was older, he was just over 3 when DS2 was born. DS2 was an easier baby, He wasn't an easy baby like some are, but we managed to get him napping and sleeping on his own by 6 months. And another plus side, we didn't have 2 sets of nursery fee's to pay at one time and DS1's funded hours kicked in the same month my maternity pay did, so that was handy too.

Those who are suggesting having a bath together instead of mum having a shower, how on earth is she going to wash her body, wash her hair, shave various bits if that's her preference, all while holding a slippery 7 week old baby?!

I'm all for lovely warm bath with the baby, but it definitely isn't a replacement for mum's shower!

Totally agree - I don't get this current expectation that a baby should never cry ever ever it's setting up Mums to fail.

Babies have cried since the dawn of time. It was to alert adults that they are there and don't get eaten by sabre tooth tigers - so good, you know he's there, and in 10 mins you will give him a cuddle.

Same with older toddlers / kids, they tantrum / scream blue murder sometimes but as their parent we are allowed to decide that no they're not in danger / need immediate action and they will have to wait!

It gets easier, they really want to be close to you in the early stages but it does get easier! I know that some women get up really early to shower before their husbands leave for work so that they can get their shower in.
I often went to the loo holding my baby when I couldn't face waking them up for a quick wee!
Showering, I usually waited until my husband was home or in the mornings before he left for work to wash my hair (though he often works from home so he could have her in the sling while I showered). I used to have a quick body shower whilst she was in a bouncy chair in the bathroom, still resulted in tears sometimes but it was only 5 minutes.
When she was a bit older we were gifted a bouncer which aren't great for them so we set it up and used it specifically in the bathroom for showering purposes.
Generally though, change your priorities! Housework can wait, make sure you have a shower and get to feel human and have some time to yourself!
Save house chores for the weekend when you're all at home together.

Fwiw although neither of mine ever napped in their cots like some babies do, it did get easier.

At about 6 months, we were able to move from all naps in the sling to getting them off to sleep in the buggy and then sleeping in the buggy in the hallway.

The main thing I would recommend is trying to get them used to sling naps rather than lap naps because at least you can do stuff when they are in the sling.

Just put them in a bouncy chair in the bathroom with you and have a quick shower. Talk to them and sing some songs at the same time - they’ll probably cry but they know you’re there and you haven’t abandoned them. They’ll be fine. I hate letting my babies cry but sometimes you just need to do what you need to do! At other times just wear them in a sling. Get one that is easy to put on so you don’t have to put them down for ages (but anyway you’ll probably get better at putting it on quickly after a while).

Yes. Just have a shower. You will feel so much better. Seriously it is a matter of minutes out of a 24 hour day. Do it!

I put mine in the bouncy chair sometimes she screamed sometimes she didn't. Got all my clothes ready before to minimise my own stress level. the shower noise might keep him calm. I'd be having that shower you will feel so much better to face the day.

As my mum in law used to say "they cry tears, not blood"

You put them down for a few minutes while you do what you need yo do and you listen to them cry.

I know it feels awful but you can't avoid them crying.

Mines now crawling and I've even taken the high chair up there now 😂 sometimes showers can't wait till nap time as plans don't allow it.