Velcro babies - how the bugger do you wee / shower etc when home alone?

[green33]

He’s seven weeks old and stubbornly refuses all attempts to put him in the next to me crib etc.

I’m desperate for a shower - I stink of stale milk etc. (I didn’t manage to have one last night when DH was home as we had to tag team with holding him / having dinner / housework etc.)

If you’ve had one the same - what do you do? Just put him down in the bathroom and ignore the tears and crying and wailing? It feels awful to see him so upset.

But equally I need to use the loo/make lunch etc.

What’s the kindest thing to do for him?

Pop baby down and let him have a little cry, he will be okay and you’ll feel a lot better.

My first baby, now 3, was horrendous and I didn’t look after myself resulting in PND. My baby is now 12 weeks and I’m enjoying it so far much as I realise that sometimes I do have to put her down and that’s okay.

Nah they really don’t, we are the only species who don’t think it’s normal to sleep with our babies.

My velcro baby was put in the bouncy chair and watched me shower and poo! Lucky her 😆

I then by chance found out Everybody Loves Raymond kept her quiet and entertained for maybe 7-8 mins so I could have a shower without listening to crying.

This. It’s often way more the mother than the child tbh
Get noise canceling headphones if you really can’t hack it (obviously not in the shower)

Mine (velcro baby and bad reflux) went into portable car seat in bathroom when I shower as too small for bouncer due to low weight. As he could seen me all the time I managed 15 minutes without hysterical crying.

Am struggling to see how a 7 week old can "refuse all attempts" to be placed somewhere specific which you deem to be safe in order for you to do something essential..
How does this refusing manifest itself? Does he say "nonononooooo" and wag a finger at you? Or does he get up and walk off? Or does he bad mouth you because of it on social media? Perhaps it's worse, perhaps he threatens to call the police on you? Or maybe he cuts to the chase and punches you in the nose?!
He's 7 weeks old, just put him where you need him to be and safely, so you can do your stuff. If you don't take that line now it will become harder and harder for you to accept that any tiny noise from him does not mean that the world stops.
Fast forward to his school years, you could end up being that parent!

I had a velcro baby. I'd do a quick 5 minute shower with him in his bouncer able to see me and then again in the bedroom while I got dressed. I'd sing crap 90s pop song to distract him/me. I felt so much better for being clean. I feel for you. It's really hard.

For the sling, what are you using? He's old enough now that you could move to a more structured one that's quicker to take on/off if that helps.

Not really. Babies cry. You still need to bathe. Have a shower and leave them to it. You’ll be back out soon enough

Is there any need to be such a twat? Obviously OP means her baby cries when put down which she finds very hard. Absolutely normal response towards your newborn…

It is difficult but sometimes you have to let them cry for 10 mins while you shower etc.

When my DC was able to sit up safely I was able to pop him in the bath with me whilst I had a shower. I think eventually I used to put the plug in so he stayed warm and got to play in the water.
Obviously you need to be mindful of water temp and the products you use but I did this for a few years and it was a godsend!

Hang in there, the parents you see out and about on any given day are the ones who have managed it, there are plenty who have stayed at home because of the same or similar challenges. You're not alone!

Honestly, we've all left them to cry. It's hard - I find it physically painful - but they won't come to harm. You need to be clean.

Also DH needs to hold the baby while you shower and have a bit of time to yourself every night. Yes dinner and housework needs doing, but you don't get given the baby back as soon as that's done.

As a reminder... you have toenails which probably need cutting by now, and elbows that need moisturising. Those were always my giveaways that I hadn't been looking after myself.

This is the kind of comment that makes parents of babies like this feel even worse than they already do.

You clearly haven't had a velcro, colicky baby so you cannot comprehend what it's like living through it.

I lived in constant fear that a neighbour would call social services because my baby screamed all day and night for months and that was with them constantly attached to me because they wouldn't be put down.

If you've not got anything nice to say, don't say anything. It costs nothing to be kind.

I couldn't stand to hear mine cry, so he did it all with me. He still showers with me most mornings. I'd sit him in his baby bath in the shower to wash quickly, and usually the water would distract him enough that he'd be whinging more than crying, but even then, it was moments. Then I'd get us both out and dressed. I made it a mission that I was always showered and dressed in the morning, and threw a bit of make-up on. I always felt better for it. I'd wash my hair on whichever day he seemed calmest in his baby bath.

Then sling, loads. He basically lived in it. I put it on once in the morning and then popped him in and out all day. That meant he came to the toilet and things with me.

He's nearly 3 now and you'd never guess he used to be so attached to me 😅

I am cheering and applauding this poster!!!
You have it to a tee. Be the parent. Be the adult. You make the decisions. So tired of reading ‘my baby refuses X Y and Z’. It literally weighs pounds and has zero intellectual capacity to make decisions. YOU make those decisions.
Forget velcro babies - it’s a problem of velcro mothers.

I agree with the PP who said that some posters seem to have a different definition of velcro baby…
I did most things (including using toilet) with baby in my arms or sling.
Never got chance to put on make up - just had to lower my standard and try not to let it get to me that other mums could turn up looking so glamorous.
Showering is the hardest. I couldn’t stand the immediate screaming to the point of choking that putting her down would entail. Easier just to, again, lower my standards, and just grab a shower when someone else could hold her.

But to the OP - please don’t let it put you off a second child. Anecdotal it seems really rare to have 2 velcro babies in a row, and by then you’ll know how to deal with it anyway. Our second is also 7 weeks. Still difficult to shower etc, but she can definitely be put down a bit, and when she does cry it only sometimes gets to screaming after a while, rather than immediate every single time.

Solidarity. It will get easier.

Wow, this lacks a lot of empathy.
Of course the 7 week old isn't doing anything other than crying to signal their distress.
We're biologically wired to tend to a crying baby so you're having to fight through a natural response several times a day when you're trying to shower/go to the bathroom/feed yourself.
Until not long ago we lived in groups and we'd just pass the kids around, knowing there was someone soothing them meant we could relax properly.
New Mums need educating on this - and that they can absolutely still shower and meet their basic needs, and their internal response is natural but they can breathe through it, and that their baby is going to be okay.
They don't need to be told that in such a condescending tone.

I handed mine off to Dh as soon as he was home and showered and except for feeds that’s where they stayed until about midnight. So I had roughly 5-6 hours to shower and catch up on sleep. Did that every night until they were going to sleep in the evening independently, meaning I could leave the room and they’d stay asleep.

I did it all day and most of the night, so Dh had his time in the evening. He held them through dinner, did bathtime, got them dressed and ready for bed and brought them to me.

During the day, if you need a wee, you just put them down or wear them in a sling. You have to wee. Same with making food. I’d often eat during a feed or while they slept on me, but there were times when you just need two hands during the day. I got a lot done with babies in a sling if dh wasn’t around to hand off too.

Been there with mine! He's now almost 10 months and still very much a Velcro baby. I used to pop him in a bouncy chair or car seat whilst I showered. He also was in the sling a lot until he was about 12 weeks.

Take the shower - make yourself feel human again - it will only take a few minutes and will make the world of difference for you. He might cry a bit the first few times but eventually he will get used to it!

I stood in the shower while baby sat in his little bath but my memory is hazy and wonder if he's too small for that. If he is then let him cry for 5 minutes. You're there and hell be OK xxx

Gosh some people have zero empathy for their own babies! It's easier said than done if you actually don't want your baby to be hysterically upset. You might got give a hoot when your child is upset but plenty of people do. They aren't dogs that need training.

At 7 weeks you get ready around nap times and do the heavy hair washing showers when your partners home from work.
Theres a whole evening when your partner is home, it should be plenty of time to wash and blow dry every few days.
Lunch/coffee/makeup when they’re in the sling or asleep.
Practice putting them down, over and over if needs be. Snuggly sleeps on the sofa are fine until about 2 months but you want them to be doing at least 2 naps down in something. All snuggled in a bouncer with fluffy blankets worked well for me and when they started to stir you could bounce then a bit.

My 1st was like this. I was forever looking like something that the cat dragged in. My 2nd is so different, he will coo away happily in a bouncer while I shower, no probs, whereas my 1st would scream like he was going to die the entire time. Some babies just need that closeness more. Ive not found the transition to two hard as my 1st is older and the velcro baby phase ends, and my 2nd is a more 'easy' baby. But during the first yest of my 1st born velcro babies life I dont think my partner would have agreed to a 2nd!

@green33 this was me three weeks ago. My LO is now nine weeks and I can buy myself 10 to 15 minutes. It won’t last forever, but in the meanwhile, sometimes you just have to let them cry because you’re feeling at your worst will not help to cope with him now. Sending hugs. Xxx

In a sling.
like a kangaroo.
almost all the time

I used to put DC in the cot and turn the musical electronic mobile on. If they cried at least they were safe and sound for a few minutes.