Velcro babies - how the bugger do you wee / shower etc when home alone?

[green33]

He’s seven weeks old and stubbornly refuses all attempts to put him in the next to me crib etc.

I’m desperate for a shower - I stink of stale milk etc. (I didn’t manage to have one last night when DH was home as we had to tag team with holding him / having dinner / housework etc.)

If you’ve had one the same - what do you do? Just put him down in the bathroom and ignore the tears and crying and wailing? It feels awful to see him so upset.

But equally I need to use the loo/make lunch etc.

What’s the kindest thing to do for him?

If you have had a truly Velcro baby you will immediately understand this post, I hear you OP.

Ultimately, you need to balance your own needs with those of your high needs baby and to that end, feed the baby, put the baby in the bouncer on the bath mat and have a shower. They will scream. It will not be relaxing. You will have clean hair and armpits at the end of it and be able to meet your mates for a coffee and get some fresh air, and that will be good for both of you.

You will wonder if this will ever end, and it will end. (I heard screaming when I was in the shower for a couple of years after it actually stopped, it's absolutely brutal.)

My Velcro Baby turned into a very thoughtful toddler with very few tantrums, a delightful older child and a brilliant teen who I'm in awe of, and I wouldn't change for the world. Not suprised you're questioning another, if they'd been first there would have been no more, and that's a fact! You couldn't make it up, if you know you know. It gets easier!

your cleanliness and aligned mental health is truly important. So let the baby cry provided they are fed and changed. It won't do them a button of harm - honestly!

I would put the bouncy chair right by the shower and then just shower as fast as I could. Basically try to do it during the crying window and before you get to the screams. With my Velcro baby that might have only been a minute or two so it wasn’t exactly a good shower, but I felt clean at least.

Bouncy chair in the bathroom and super quick shower, I used to manically sing nursery rhymes which sometimes helped with the screaming! Sometimes the white noise of the shower helps a bit too.

My SIL used to get up at 6.45 to have a 15 minute shower (my bro stayed in bed with baby and got up at 7) as she found it made so much difference to her day. I wasn't quite that organised.

I just held DS on my lap while I went to the loo (and got very practised at pulling trousers down with one hand).

Fwiw, the second baby can be very different - my second was much less velcro.

If you really can't bear the crying when trying to shower then make sure you prioritise a shower when DH is home rather than housework etc.

At this age baby isn't creating any mess (except lots of laundry!) so have one day where you and DH tag team to do a big clean/tidy/organise so then other than the usual evening kitchen wipe down you don't have to bother with housework for days. And on that day do some cooking for the week. Get food in that is minimal prep and easy to eat one handed for lunches. Your evenings will become a lot easier.

For me, showering and having 10 mins to moisturise and put on a bit of makeup was/still is an absolute non-negotiable. No matter how tired or awful my sleep has been it's the one thing that makes me feel better (as well as coffee!) so don't compromise on it.

You don't!

Quite. Not washing just because you don’t like the noise when the baby cries is just skanky and unhygienic.

its obvious that lots of posters have completely forgotten what it feels like to have a crying 7 week old baby. I’d be perfectly happy leaving a hypothetically, someone-else’s baby to cry for a bit but I can remember when it was my own it felt unbearable. And mine were Velcro babies. Turns out they had milk allergies and ND, so it wasn’t because of anything I did wrong.

OP - you are not a sap, or setting yourself up for being ‘that mum’, or unable to put your baby down for the next 16 years. Do take some of the more helpful advice and try to realise it’s ok if your baby cries a bit sometimes…but don’t feel like everyone on this thread has done it better than you. Because most of us didn’t and the ones who did were crap in other ways. Because we are all just doing our best.

People told me this. Turns out my baby had an allergy. Weeks of people telling me I was just a naive new mum "babies do cry you know, duh!" When my baby was actually in pain.

Mine basically lived in the sling. I could use the loo no trouble with a baby in there, tidy, sort laundry, you name it.

For showers, I put them in their cot and made it fast. They cried. It did them no harm. When older babies, I had a bouncer in the bathroom and they'd be content in there while I showered.

OP ignore comments like these and re-read the many supportive, well thought out posts on this thread.

You are a very loving and very attentive first time mother. Your baby is absolutely tiny and doesn't know that it is separate from you, and so will cry for you. You are biologically hard wired to respond to these cries. By comforting your baby as much as you can, you are doing the right thing. You cannot spoil a baby, they cannot manipulate you, and you absolutely do not need to prove that you are the adult and make the decisions when it comes to a 7 week old! You do, however, need to look after yourself (I'm sure you've heard to put on your own oxygen mask first). It is absolutely fine (although very upsetting for you) for the baby to cry whilst you tend to your own needs. It doesn't make you a bad mother and it won't harm your baby.

I just wanted to be another voice adding that my velcro baby actually had reflux and the crying reduced very quickly once we treated it. You know your baby best and many do cry but just wanted to say. Also, apologies if not, but do you have anyone else in your life who could come and hold the baby?

Good luck. It doesn't feel like it but they really do cry less and less and you will feel normal again.

My Velcro baby eventually was diagnosed with autism. There was a reason she was different from other babies, we just didn’t know the why at the time.

I'm sure this will be a comforting thought.

He screams at the top of his lungs, and cries. Big, throaty cries, where he is gulping for air. His face turns puce and scrunched up. He kicks his legs. He is very distressed. You may think it’s okay to leave your child like that, @MrMucker, thankfully for my child, I do not.

Why, nothing wrong with autism. My dd and I are both quite happy being autistic.

Your description here takes me back.

If it helps, my one who used to scream like this is now 2 and is sat next to me reading the hungry caterpillar. He rarely cries now and doesn't really have tantrums.

His little brother is 5 months and is the chillest little dude.

@green33 so are you just not going to wash then?

This.
Babies will cry.
Its ok to put him down for the few minutes it takes to have a shower!!
He is fed, clean, warm and safe. He will get over it pretty quickly when you pick him back up.
Stop martyring yourself.

Ugh. What a horrible way to speak to a new mum who is finding her feet.

I think all the talk of martyring and "why do mothers these days think babies shouldn't cry" is just missing the point. For lots of new mums, it's really distressing when your baby cries and there is a strong biological urge to hold them. And that's bloody normal! It's nothing to do with parenting crazes or wanting a medal.

A few minutes of crying will do him no harm at all. Neglecting your hygiene will do you no good. Let him cry, it really won't hurt him.

So familiar - DD would howl furiously if I left her in the bouncy chair for more than 30 seconds. My solution is to hand the baby to DH for 15 minutes every day - your well-being is more important than housework and anyway, DH can do that. It's so hard when you can't put your baby down and everyone's going on about sleeping when they sleep blah blah. Ex-DP not taking DC for a few minutes while i had a shower was one of the many reasons I left.

Mine is getting gross from the food and toothpaste getting dropped on it, really need to invest in another one!!

When I was on mat leave I would get up before my DH needed to leave for work and have a shower then whilst DH held Dc and helped with the toddler. I had to be up for the nursery run anyway, as pomp said lots of us have to manage with a baby and a toddler and you just get into a routine to do it.

Yes because you HAVE to get clean or you'll go bonkers. You have to do the basics or your MH will suffer.