Do any of you think a child is rude...

[Shybaby]

if you say hello to them and they ignore you?

Before anyone jumps, not a troll post. An honest question. I'll tell you the full story in a moment!

overmydeadbody-it is difficult to know whether to answer for them or not.

As you say you dont want to explain in front of DS.

Great that he spoke to his GD,I always get very emotional when DS talks to his GM .

Umlellala - agree.

I live in France where it is spectacularly rude not to greet people properly. Children are taught, nay, required from an early age to say hello, and kiss people (not so sure about that - my H hated being forced to kiss people he barely knew when he was little).

Greeting people is a very important life skill.

it is nice to be that way but some children find it exceptionally hard, what's the point of pushing it

My DS greets people in a different way.

He is very expressive and always has a great big smile for everyone.

Greeting people is a very important life skill but sadly for my DS at the moment one he finds terrifying.

DS is in year 2 at school and has been with most of the same children for nearly 3 years.
They are so excepting and he has his own way of communicating through his hands or facial expressions.
It is heart warming to see and maybe a few adults could learn something from these children.

southeastastra-exactly,no point in pushing at all.
Making a big thing of something is usually a sure fire way to re inforce it.

Big divide on this one then.

For some adults it is so hard to even say hello.

Im sure people think I am rude (it has been said). Im really not. People in general terrify me, im so afraid of saying something daft. Anyone I speak to, I am forcing myself to, being friendly doesnt come naturally to me at all.

Anyway, im off to bed now. Thanks for opinions

no
but then I am used to the sn world.
if it was one of ds's mates(16) I would think they were rude.

try not to worry about what other people think of you shybaby

castille on Thu 24-Apr-08 21:19:09
"I live in France where it is spectacularly rude not to greet people properly. Children are taught, nay, required from an early age to say hello, and kiss people (not so sure about that - my H hated being forced to kiss people he barely knew when he was little).

Greeting people is a very important life skill."

In Sweden, on the other hand, there is more understanding for the perspective of a shy child. When I was a child we were supposed to curtsey (or bow if male), but never forced to speak if we found this difficult. (it is a lot easier to bend your knees than to vocalise if you're terrified). Curtseying has now gone out of fashion (sadly) but otherwise things are much the same.

But then understanding about child development is considered a life skill there

Greeting people is an important life skill, but I doubt parents of greeting-shy children have not tried to teach them to greet people.

If you mean a random child who you don't know, then no. If it's someone you DO know, then yes.

I really think it depends on the circumstances. My ds is on another planet is forever not noticing when people greet him (adults and chidlren). My father and brother are the same way, so I am not generally fazed by this behavior. In fact, when ds first made friends with his best friend who has aspergers, I didn't even notice that I was getting vacant blank stares in response to my greetings.
So, I really think that in general we need to learn to be more tolerant of other people's differing personality traits whether they are adults or children. That's not to say that if a child (or an adult) says something rude, it's acceptable. But just because a child (or an adult) doesn't respond when someone says hello doesn't mean that they are purposely ignoring them.

Yurt1, I am not the mother of an autistic child, so can't begin to imagine what it's like. But as the mother of a child who tends to make friends with autistic children, I find it helpful to be told straight away that a child is autistic. It helps me looks for different ways to relate and appreciate the child for what they are without getting waylaid by trying to understand behavior that would not be standard in a non-autistic child. And the reality is that if someone is judgemental because you've told them your child is autistic, then that's their issue.

Agree with cod on this one.
I always encourage dd to say hello, goodbye and to answer a question if asked.
Tis surely the way to have a sociable child?
TBH she will not speak all the time, but majority of the time she will, and is a very friendly little girl who will say hello to strangers randomly

"I always encourage dd to say hello, goodbye and to answer a question if asked.
Tis surely the way to have a sociable child?"

You are missing the point.

Sofia- I do that if we end up in a conversation, I have to as he won't really wait so we usually can't converse (and I can't let go of him) it's more I never know what to do with passing conversation. The shop assistant who says 'you not at school today?' (although admittedly that doesn't happen that often as ds1 can be bizarre in shops) or the walkers passing by when we're moor walking; just general out and about people.

I always answer for him 'no you've got a day off school today haven't you?' but it sometimes gets weird and awkward. I think its when people carry on asking him questions whilst I carry on responding. If it goes on too long I do say he can't talk, but that tends to confuse people as well (he doesn't look as if he can't talk- I know that's an utterly stupid thing to say, but people generally do have a fixed idea of what someone non-verbal with severe learning difficulties looks like, and he doesn't look like that). Sometimes it's easier if he does kick off (not really) because then people do back off.

all you guys on here with "shy" children: Have you read The Highly Sensitive Child? I have found it really insightful and helpful when dealing with my "shy" little girl.

dd1 is shy, ds is shy, dd2 is highly sensitive, there is a difference.

I have 4 children, one of whom is extremely outgoing and is so not afraid to speak to strangers that he has often been in danger of appearing rude in the other sense, one of whom used to be very outgoing but is now becoming shyer, and 2 of whom are extremely shy and will only speak to strangers if their other siblings are already doing so.

Of course I would prefer they were all like my most outgoing child who is practically incapable of not engaging adults in conversation wherever he goes. He is bright and entertaining and I can see that adults are impressed and amused by him and this makes everyone feel good.

But shyness is not something that is easily overcome. I know as I am shy myself. I do encourage my children to reply to people when they are spoken to, but only to help them become better functioning people, not because I think their refusal to talk is rude.

My eldest son is the shyest of my children. When he was a toddler he would physically curl up on the ground if our neighbour spoke to him, even though he saw him most days. Now that is shyness. Now he is at secondary school, I encourage him to do things like answer the phone or make phone calls himself and I am pleased when he manages to do it even though by anyone's standards he does it badly.

So I do not think a child not saying hello is being rude, but I do encourage my children to try.

I was shy as a child (made so, in some respects by my gm's behaviour .

Can I ask you mums who actually tell other people that your child is shy, not to do it?
People did that to me and it really did make it harder to say anything.
I felt completely stuck then and if I did manage to say anything, then people would make a big fuss about that, rather than just talking back to you.

Uriel makes a good point, actually, about not telling people that your child is shy.

I have noticed that the people that matter know that she is shy and don't need telling. The ones that probably do need telling don't matter.

cory - crumbs, curtseying! I quite like that, it's another way of acknowledging someone's presence. I'm sure the scandinavians are way ahead of the French on child development issues.

I don't force the issue with my children beyond a simple hello, but I do think learning to greet people can sometimes help in shyness prevention

I don't take offence. My 3 yr old often tells people to 'go away' when they say hello to him . Older kids - well, i might think 'miserable little git' but I wouldn't stress over it.

I'm lucky, my kids will tart at anybody who even remotely enters their sphere of vision. Some kids are the opposite. Most grow into balanced young things that deal with the world well. Worry not and enjoy your wee one's eccentricities

"Older kids - well, i might think 'miserable little git' but I wouldn't stress over it."

This is what worries me with my ds1. Even when he does manage to say hello or goodbye it comes out sounding so moody and he cannot manage a smile. He is 6.5 years. I wish adults could be a bit more understanding of children sometimes.

It depends on the child and the circumstance. I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a child not wanting to say hello to someone they didn't know very well, or at a shy child who takes time to warm up.

But my DH's niece and nephew really bug me - they are 11 and 8, not at all shy and know us really well, see us often etc. When SIL and family come to stay, the kids race out of the car and up to our door, knock and then waltz in without responding to our hellos, go and throw themselves on our sofa and turn on our TV. They never say please or thank you either. Usually the first words they way to us are "Can I have...?"