Do any of you think a child is rude...

[Shybaby]

if you say hello to them and they ignore you?

Before anyone jumps, not a troll post. An honest question. I'll tell you the full story in a moment!

OMDB - how do you cope with strangers asking direct questions. I always reply for d1 (not selectively mute,non-verbal) but I get a lot of funny looks now he's 9.

I never quite know how to play it.

I don't want to tell everyone we meet that he's severely autistic

Ooh DD is the same (not with my mum, but others).

I tend to try and nudge her (knowing it is pointless) then answer for her.

I get more annoyed when people don't say hello back to my DS1 (4). He nearly always says hello to them and adults seem to think it is OK to ignore children.

One of mine doesn't really speak to anyone unless he has been in their company for at least half an hour.

Another one worries me as he will chat to anyone and everyone!

It doesn't bother me in the least if small children don't speak to me. I will always say hello, but certainly don't expect a reply.

I might say and wave hello and you can tell from the child's face and body language how they feel. If they're shy or look awkward it's no big deal, it's kinda sweet really. Heck, I know 16 yr olds who are shy or embarrassed about being addressed like this. My two take it in turns to be shy, but hopefully they're learning from me that it's nice to meet people.

Message withdrawn

I would say in answer to the OP don't pre judge,you don't know the circumstances behind a child not answering you.

This subject is very close to my heart also.

My DS is 6 and has selective mutism.

Like overmydeadbody's DS my DS is very chatty in the home but out of context and at school he does'nt talk at all.

He has only just started to talk to his grandparents on the phone but even then he finds it difficult.

I get so many comments like
"cat got your tounge" even from people who know of his SN.

Or one occassion a neighbour heard him say something to his dad and said
"oh you are brave"

Silly woman.

A child with SM should never be forced to talk or a child with shyness for that matter.

As adults we don't also want to talk to everyone.

what's not to get? don't the vast majority of us suffer from it at times?

it's like the people who spend 20 minutes telling their 18 month old to say sorry. pointless.

Im a shy person myself. I suppose it must be very hard to understand for anyone who has never experienced it (cod).

I could not go in a shop alone until I was 18. I could not telephone a stranger at work until I was 28. I still find eye contact difficult. Its not something thats explained easily. I get embarrassed if I have to shake hands with anyone, or introduce myself to anyone. I find small talk very difficult and uncomfortable. But of course I do it, because I have to.

A four year old doesn't have to. At four years old I suppose you would do whatever you want, and if you're frightened to say hello then you just wont do it.

Sunflower, im not judging, it was my child

You need to read the OP's post at 19:28 - it clarifies.

shybaby-sorry did'nt word that well.
Did'nt mean you in paticular,meant anyone in general.

I think it really does depend on age and other factors as heaps of other posters have said. Children aged five and up and known by you to be NT (because you are acquainted with them through school or whatever) - I do think should be encouraged to acknowledge a greeting from a known adult. If they don't want to talk, fine. But a smile or a nod is good. Agree it is wrong to insist on this with extremely shy children, but at 8-9 I know several who are not, but still don't think to say hello back. That's rude IMO.

Message withdrawn

Meant to say in answer to the opening question

Sorry getting myself confused now.

Oh cod teenagers always pretend not to know anyone over the age of 30, we're not cool enough. (but they are old enough to know better )

yeah but there's no way for a stranger to distinguish between SM and shyness, so most people probably just assume he's shy.

Yurt sometimes I answer for him, in fact if it's someone I know and he knows like family or friends I do answer for him, but luckily they know now not to bother with direct questioning.

If it's a stranger then it depends on the question, I do sometimes answer for him, other times I don't, especially if they are silly questions anyway.

In my frustration at times I've considered making cards up that say 'he can't talk to you, he's selectively mute' as I don't like actually saying this in front of DS. I don't think he would like it either. People would be at cards though wouldn't they!

We had a breakthroug this month though when he answered "fine" in a clear voice when his GD asked how he was!

it's coz you're not cool enough cod

or if they are teenagers you teach then it's the rules to ignore all teachers outside school dontcha know

either or OMDB, I dont think its anyone else's business. Strangers are very quick with their opinions.

Oh god yes. I have all this to come.

We would avoid teachers like the plague out of school.

I once saw my english teacher outside footlocker..I tell you...the shame

i was so shy as a child and if anyone said hello to me i'd hide behind my mum

Ds1 was selectively mute when he was a small child - and he's remained extremely shy. For years (I mean, after the selective muteness had ended - it would have been pretty pointless before that) I had to prompt him when someone said hello to say hello back. He's 11 now and improving - I was staggered when he cheerfully shouted hello to his teacher when we were out and about the other week - I've never heard him do that before.

Probably because of this (and because I was a painfully shy child myself) I tend to cut other non-responsive kids some slack.

YEs

hmm, I'm divided on this one.

When does a shy child stop being shy? How and when do you teach a reluctant child that it's polite to say hello and rude not to?

I have said that I think it's important to model positive social behaviour (ie smiling if people are nice to you, maybe you can say hello...).