Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

2 year old isn’t mine

78 replies

AndBas · 20/10/2024 04:51

Looking for advice

long story short, been with my ex ten years, had 3 children and got married May 2024, found out she had been seeing someone since Christmas so we broke up.

i then have reason to believe our youngest aon aged 2 isn’t mine, do a dna test on all children and discover the 2 year old isn’t biologically mine.

obviously im absolutely heartbroken but it has not made me love him any less. However as soon as she found out hes not mine, she now wants me to stop seeing him as she keeps reminding me he’s not mine even though his biological father is nowhere to be seen.

i know as im on the birth certificate i have rights but im getting mixed advice.

what would you do in my situation?

hes 2 so if i put my feelings aside and did what she wants and not see him, in years to come he would forget all about me, would that really be best?

if I had my way I would continue my relationship with him and keep everything the same, is that me being selfish? I know she wouldn’t allow this anyway.

OP posts:

ChocNice · 21/10/2024 09:25

You can deal as adults with your break up feelings in your own time. Focus on the three boys now and what they need. This split is a huge traumatic change for them.

Do not be that man who abandons kids who have been his kids for their whole life, because he discovers they are not genetically his. You have three boys who all call you Dad. That is so precious. Focus on that.

saraclara · 21/10/2024 09:26

Dawevi · 21/10/2024 09:13

The mum already knows though doesn't she so can tell the child.

The op is making a big song and dance about how it makes no difference to him but if it didn't make any difference to him then he shouldn't have had the DNA test because now that he has he has opened a whole can of worms which was inevitably going to be opened as soon as he decided to have the test.

And he hasn't explained why he decided to have it when he says it wouldn't make any difference to him either way.

Show quote history

The mother opened the can of worms the moment she yelled "get a DNA test". So you really think that she was never going to mention it again? It sounds as though she'd have carried on using that in any arguement, and probably within the other children's hearing.

There was no way that this was going away.

Nolongera · 21/10/2024 09:35

Dawevi · 21/10/2024 09:00

Yes. Because if I'd decided it didn't matter, then it wouldn't matter. There's no logic to finding out and then being surprised that the knowledge has consequences.

Show quote history

At no point has the OP said it doesn't matter, that is something you have made up and used as a straw man arguement to berate the OP.

He said he is heart broken but it doesn't change his love for the child. Hardly the same as " it doesn't matter".

Flip

1 2 3 4