Toddler swore.. mortified and worried!!

[Nicola1989s]

So this may sound silly but my anxiety has gone nuts! So my 3 year old attends nursery and today when dad picked her up, her nursery worker wanted a chat with him. My daughter was playing with a child and told that child that she was “pissing her off.” When the worker told her it was naughty she replied “but she’s pissing me off!” I’m absolutely mortified and have since sent the nursery an email to apologise and also had a work with her older brothers 15 and 17 to tell them to watch what they say around her. Will us as parents get in trouble for her using that today? She obviously doesn’t understand what she has said but now worrying about social services getting involved (this is my anxiety)! Sorry for long post, just looking for reassurance!

Calm down

Social services are obviously not going to get involved.
At 3 don’t react if she says it around you and be more careful of the environment she’s exposed to. They only learn through copying.

Social services getting involved because your child said piss off? Please take a deep breath

Social work student here - no, we won't even contact you. There would be no referral made from the nursery to social services about this. This isn't a safeguarding concern.

It's language / behaviour.
She has learnt this language / behaviour / words from somewhere (you've said the teenagers)
Lots of children use bad words at nursery / school etc.
Just tell her it's a bad word and we don't say that to people / our friends. Be persistent with your reminding her if you hear her swearing etc
You've told the teenagers to watch their language - that's all you can do.

I wouldn't worry too much. Presumably nursery know she has older siblings and that children are like sponges at that age. My DD came out with an evem stronger word at the same age (ex-forces uncle!). The nursery has raised it, you're dealing with it.

Be kind to yourself, if she's around teens it could have been far worse. 🌹

Of course SS won't get involved.

I have 3 adult DC and they all swore at one point when they were toddlers.

I disagree with the 'ignore' advice that so many people give, as IME it takes longer for them to stop.

I used to give mine a glare and a very firm "No, that's a naughty word. We mustn't say it".

That was always enough to nip it straight in the bud.

In ten years time you will be able to laugh about this, it's not great but not SS worthy.

It happens, a lot. A friend had her three year old tell a chap on the bus to 'f**k off out of my seat' and she was horrified, the chap laughed and moved!! They had no idea where he got that from, as neither of them swore, but he did go to nursery and this is the age group that acts as a sponge. This is the age where they use what they hear and love a reaction. Definitely nothing more than a normal day in education.

I know I shouldn't 😁 but when I read her response to the nursery worker I was picturing her indignant face as she said it. Sorry 🫣

She will learn as she goes along. Don't worry too much. Just explain that there are some words we don't repeat.

When I was a FTM I used to foolishly brag about how advanced my young toddler was with her language. Then at 18 months she dropped something and let out a very clear “oh f*ck”. I learned humility that day.
But yes, ignore it, get the term out of her environment and it may disappear (it did with us anyway).

Good grief - do you think social workers are sitting around twiddling their thumbs waiting to leap into action as the language police!? No n- they are actually busy trying to prevent child deaths.

Forget it - completely. It is nothing at all. I could think of much worse things she might have said!!

If she does it again just say "That is not a kind thing to say. Please do not do it."

Thank you all.. I do feel very silly now! Really appreciate you replying though

@Nicola1989s

Why are you going "nuts" about your child uttering some words? It sounds very odd to me?

Don’t worry
My daughter nerfed her car on a post
”oh shit” she says
immediately repeated by a little voice from the back seat
ignore it or turn it into a different word like
missing or fishing
the more you react the more fun it is

It's normal. All kids do it......they will do worse as they get older.
Chill out..

@Terrribletwos my anxiety went nuts.. as in my anxiety went through the roof worrying! I probably could have worded it better tbh

22 years ago we were doing some DIY and needed a bit urgently. Nearby local reclamation yard closed at 12. DH quickly put DS, aged 2 into the car and hurtled off. He returned shortly later complaining that the bloke had just locked the gates as they arrived.

Oh well.

Couple of hours later, we had cause to drive by the yard on our way to somewhere else. Clear as a bell, DS chimed up 'Fucking hell!' -as we passed....

I asked DH how he had expressed his frustration upon finding the yard closed...

I admit we struggled to suppress our laughter, while telling him he wasn't allowed to say it... 🤭

Social services have far bigger fish to fry than than this, which is such a non-issue.

Just make sure the teenagers watch their language around the toddler. Though I highly doubt they will see much wrong with "pissing me off ', and nor would I although I would discourage it in a toddler obviously.

I'm sure you know that if that's the worst thing they come out with you'll be very lucky.

Well at least she used it in the correct context and was able to verbalise her feelings, which is a good thing, maybe just remind her that some words are not for nursery.

Ah, I see. Well don't worry. Really it is nothing to worry about. Possibly you felt embarrassed, I understand that but believe me they will be used to these type of outbursts and will have given them no more thought.

Children copy other people.. especially family..
I used to work in an SEN school in a Yorkshire town ( if you watch A&E 24/7... very broad Barnsley accent).
I've heard much worse than that.. we have to try not to laugh.. because it's very funny sometimes.
One little lad would tell every other kid that annoyed him.
" Just bugger off".
Said he Dad always said it.
Every day hundreds of kids in hundreds of schools.. say much much worse

My 9 year old attends a specialist school and said to his friend that he was the f word (derogatory slur for gay person). Said in jest and joking but have had words with him about it, school thinks he has learnt it from older students. We most certainly do not say these words at home! Try not to worry, kids do pick up on rude words and say things they have heard. Social services will not get involved for something so minor. Also social services are not the enemy! We had them involved as son was out of education for 6 months and they were amazing at helping us!!

Yeah I wouldn't be too anxious about it. I don't swear out loud and all my child have left me opened mouthed in shock at various points. Youngest, on a nature walk, said can I call this leaf a bitch? Second eldest told me to fuck off a week ago. That's the worst he's ever done, he's the most placid one (age 10). Eldest swears with her friends and I have to shout down "no swearing." Followed by a collective "so sorry we won't do it again."

For the youngest, I don't react. It's so hard not to but I literally ignore. They look at you with a wry smile and wait. Older ones have a sit down talk and phones taken away. Half the time I don't know what I'm doing to be honest. It's all guesswork.

My niece uttered an expletive at a family gathering. From the intonation and dramatic facial gestures we ALL immediately knew which cousin she had heard say it (probably often)!

My dd (4 and autistic) heard some teenagers swearing in the park and then spent the next 3 weeks saying ‘fuck off’, ‘fucking wanker’ and ‘get the fuck off me / away from me’ repeatedly and enthusiastically. We just ignored it and each time she said it we just repeated back to her an acceptable alternative phrase (finding one for fucking wanker was hard we settled on ‘silly person’ 😂).