Is grandparent overreacting

[Plaidandapple]

Just a quick question...(not sure if this is the right topic section to post under)

My mum and dad have taken my daughter (13yrs old), their granddaughter on a cruise with my dad's mum and sister.

Anyway, my mum texts saying she is having a rubbish time for multiple reasons. One being that my daughter is acting 'teenagery'. I've asked what has she done. Apparently my daughter has asked her to tidy the cabin they share, as she has to live in it too, and it's a mess. I'm not sure how this was said, if it was rudely or just a suggestion. My mum has a tendency to overreact and can be extremely messy without much consideration for others. So I feel my daughter has point, but obviously hope she isn't being rude to my mum about it. She is a lovely girl but struggles with her grandma at times due to her narcissistic traits (which I won't get in to)

Shall I point out to my mum that she might have a point if the room is a complete tip? My mum obviously wants me to be on her side and thinks my daughter is unreasonable. I haven't spoken to my daughter yet... signal out at sea isn't great.

I know it's all quite trivial in the scheme of things.

Honestly, you’ve stated your mum has narcissistic traits so this was a known. My mother in law is the exact same along with mental health issues and my 15 year old struggles with her (not biological grandparent she is my daughters step dads (my husbands mum) mum so came into my children’s lives later on. Not a chance in this world would I have put my daughter in that situation by going on a cruise. I also have a further two children with my now husband who is biologically her grandchildren and although they are only 2 and 1. They will not be going for sleepovers let alone on holiday with her. But what is done is done.

Before I knew exactly what my mother in law was like, 4 years ago she looked after the children at my home while we went away on our honeymoon. It was a disaster from start to finish, due to her but trying to gas light and blame the children. So I vowed I would never ever put my children in that situation again, and I haven’t.

In your situation, I would say to your mum that she is in her care and you are not there it is for your parents to deal with and not you from hundreds of miles away. Then when you speak to your daughter depending on what is said I would support her and tell her that you don’t think she was out of order and explain that your mum is who she is, doesn’t make it right but it does mean that she is never to think she (your daughter) is to blame or at fault. I did this for my 15 year old when my mother in law has tried to involve me putting blame on my daughter accusing her of being rude etc when she had to come over and give the kids tea while I was in hospital having baby last November. It was an emergency and my mum couldn’t get to mine in time so mother in law who lives round corner came till my mum rushed to rescue her grandbabies from the insane mother in law 🙈😂 difference is and shows how naive my mother in law is my other 4 teenage children were there 16, 13, 12 and 12 and saw everything and reported back. So I knew she was lying and my daughter handled the situation very well.

apologies for the long post.

I would reply with a verbal equivalent of a shrug. "Well then" and be done with it. Your mum is clearly in the wrong here and your poor daughter is just having to deal with her mess. While they're away, I wouldn't say anything to my daughter unless she brings it up. I might consider a chat about tone when she's home.

Thats not how cruises work. Single supplements are expensive.

13 year olds aren't allowed their own cabin anyway so she'd have to share with one adult

Because the minimum age for a cabin on your own is 16. The OP's daughter is 13, so by maritime law wouldn't have been allowed too

Sorry 21. A child under 16 is not allowed to travel without someone else over the age of 16.

At 13 your dd can tidy the cabin herself if it's a problem for her. Sone gratitude for being taken on a cruise wouldn't go amiss either.

Why should a 13 year old tidy up the shit her grandmother has left lying around?? 😵‍💫😵‍💫

Your poor daughter. It sounds like your Mum is acting "teenagery" not her!