Is grandparent overreacting

[Plaidandapple]

Just a quick question...(not sure if this is the right topic section to post under)

My mum and dad have taken my daughter (13yrs old), their granddaughter on a cruise with my dad's mum and sister.

Anyway, my mum texts saying she is having a rubbish time for multiple reasons. One being that my daughter is acting 'teenagery'. I've asked what has she done. Apparently my daughter has asked her to tidy the cabin they share, as she has to live in it too, and it's a mess. I'm not sure how this was said, if it was rudely or just a suggestion. My mum has a tendency to overreact and can be extremely messy without much consideration for others. So I feel my daughter has point, but obviously hope she isn't being rude to my mum about it. She is a lovely girl but struggles with her grandma at times due to her narcissistic traits (which I won't get in to)

Shall I point out to my mum that she might have a point if the room is a complete tip? My mum obviously wants me to be on her side and thinks my daughter is unreasonable. I haven't spoken to my daughter yet... signal out at sea isn't great.

I know it's all quite trivial in the scheme of things.

Well, I’d say a teenager asking an adult to tidy up their messy bedroom isn’t a particularly teenagery way to act! There probably is context (and more than one side of the story) but it doesn’t sound like you’ll get it at a distance and via intermittent text messages. I guess I’d try not to escalate things - it won’t help your daughter whilst she’s stuck out at sea with them and can’t contact you easily…

That sounds miserable for your dd, being stuck on a cruise with her narcissistic, untidy grandmother? Is there anything you can do?

Sounds so trivial that she’s making a big deal about it and not something that warrants a message home to you.

My DM is the same with my kids. She wants to micromanage them and has this absolute preoccupation with being in control - to the point she insists on control and dishing out discipline for the sake of it and can’t even really identify her goal in doing so.

I would say sort it out between yourselves.

Your mum sounds hard work. I’d just do the “oh dear, you two squabbling again!” Routine, as your mum is acting like a child.

Not much I can do from here. She has her grandad and his mum and sister, who she gets on with well. So she'll be fine. I just hope my mum isn't trying to make her feel bad all the time, she likes doing that.

I've asked my mum of the room is a mess and she replied with 'yes it's a mess, so what though' 🙄

I’d stay out of it, I think. As you say, there’s not much you can do. Let them squabble it out between them. Spotty phone signal is a blessing!

So your daughter is on holiday with her grandparents, her great grand parent and an aunty.

and she has to share a cabin with this older generation ?

A 13yr old should have her own room and her own privacy! Poor kid

I’m struggling to see a single thing your DD is doing as teenagery- on a cruise with older relatives is the last thing most teenagers would want to do and her telling your mum off for the mess just makes me laugh so much! It sounds like an episode of Absolutely Fabulous. It sounds like a role reversal.
Theres nothing you can do when they are out at sea, but I wouldn’t take your mothers side, it sounds like you have an extremely sensible teenager and I would encourage that sensible behaviour in your shoes.

@Plaidandapple Reply: "Sounds like you're the one behaving like a teenager"

Well, she's only sharing a cabin with my mum

I do agree. But my grandma paid for everyone. I don't think she could get another cabin for her separately. My daughter was more than happy to go, they're all a lot of fun.

I think the point your mum is on holiday and has messaged you saying she's having a rubbish time and that your DD is being like that speaks volumes about your mum. What does she think telling you that is going to achieve, now you're going to spend however long until they're home worrying about what's happening. I have a feeling your daughter is not the issue here!

where are the other 3 people sleeping ?

Not sure why all the comments re sleeping arrangements though, perfectly normal for a 13 year old girl to share a cabin with her grandmother on holiday. I did with my grandmother and was delighted too on many occasions at this age and older.

Can they swap round whos sharing with who ?

If I had a teenager staying with me and they asked me to tidy up, it would be annoying. I am sure it's annoying to the teenager too. This just sounds like cabin fever to me and neither are in the wrong to feel aggrieved and voice it.

Half term?

I would check in with my teenager that they were okay.

From what you say, your mother is being petty and messy and is in the wrong, yet wants you to moan at your child for what is a problem of her creating.

I would be 100% on my child's side and be very clear with my mother about that.

Was your 13year old enthusiastic about this trip? It would be my idea of hell as a teenager.

What were you thinking letting her go and share a room with narc granny? I'd apologise to DD and count down the days with her.

My dad has his own cabin, and my grandma is sharing with my aunt. They are a decent size

Exactly, she has shared a room with her on several occasions. But now she is 13 and more aware I suppose. She is starting to pick up on how my mum acts.

@Plaidandapple so you are aware of how your mum acts and her narcissistic tendencies, yet you're happy for your daughter to go away with her? Did you think your mum might be better behaved on a holiday?

I know. Usually, my mums narcissism is aimed at me. But now my DD is getting older and doesn't just want to cuddle with granny, she is starting to play these games with her, it seems.