Is grandparent overreacting

[Plaidandapple]

Just a quick question...(not sure if this is the right topic section to post under)

My mum and dad have taken my daughter (13yrs old), their granddaughter on a cruise with my dad's mum and sister.

Anyway, my mum texts saying she is having a rubbish time for multiple reasons. One being that my daughter is acting 'teenagery'. I've asked what has she done. Apparently my daughter has asked her to tidy the cabin they share, as she has to live in it too, and it's a mess. I'm not sure how this was said, if it was rudely or just a suggestion. My mum has a tendency to overreact and can be extremely messy without much consideration for others. So I feel my daughter has point, but obviously hope she isn't being rude to my mum about it. She is a lovely girl but struggles with her grandma at times due to her narcissistic traits (which I won't get in to)

Shall I point out to my mum that she might have a point if the room is a complete tip? My mum obviously wants me to be on her side and thinks my daughter is unreasonable. I haven't spoken to my daughter yet... signal out at sea isn't great.

I know it's all quite trivial in the scheme of things.

Quite honestly I don’t know why you’re allowing your mother to behave this way with your daughter - not just on the cruise I mean. Protect your daughter from her before she damages her!

I agree with you. Because I grew up with my mum and her acting this way, I do still find it hard to know who is actually in the wrong. But it's nice to see her behaviour isn't acceptable.

My DD was happy to go on the trip. She has only just turned 13, so she still enjoys time with the family. Although prehaps not much longer after this.

why on earth did your daughter not have a cabin, your mum and dad have one, and great grandma and aunty have one ?

tho you don't say who the sister is, your dad's sister or grandma's sister - but at least there would only have been one generation age difference if aunty is grandmas's daughter and not her sister, and not two generations like your daughter is sharing with.

Can't your dad move into the cabin with your mum and give your DD her own cabin?

Quite…
Next time stay in school during term time = family holiday drama automatically avoided

I just hope my mum isn't trying to make her feel bad all the time, she likes doing that.

You sent your child away with someone who likes making her feel bad?

Why can't your mother share with her mother? Then it will be your mother acting out.

She is a lovely girl but struggles with her grandma at times due to her narcissistic traits

Any yet you thought it was a good idea for your daughter to share a cabin with her? It was doomed to fail.

I’m kind of in the same boat you are. It’s possible your mum is sending you messages just to wind you up. Whenever I go on holiday I know I’m going to get a bunch of emails complaining about something random just to turn the attention on her.

I have no doubt that your daughter has complained about a messy cabin, but also suspect your mother would have contacted you anyway about some minor conflict just to make you worry about something you are too far away to fix. I would limit your daughters contact with your mum, she’ll enjoy causing arguments between you both or competing with you to be your daughters favourite.

It's not her mother's mother, it's her father's mother that's on the cruise.

OP - Do your mother and father live together? Why can't they share a cabin and give your poor DD her own cabin for the rest of the cruise? It's a nightmare sharing with someone untidy and inconsiderate.

Edited

She sounds insufferable. Probably not much you can do now. You’ll no doubt get much more mature responses from other posters but I’d be making granny the butt of the joke for years to come and how DD never wants to room with her again because she’s such a slobby mess. Stop letting her dictate the mood and just laugh at her.

How very sensible, yes ma'am

Your mum is obviously overreacting, but I'm surprised you didn't anticipate this sort of behaviour from her, given that she has form for being difficult and making people feel shit. It's also a bit odd for a teenager to be sharing a room with her nan, which seems like a fairly predictable recipe for conflict.

Don't be daft. There's nothing wrong with a 13 year old girl sharing with her grandma. You do realise this is only a holiday and not for life don't you? I'm perfectly sure the girl won't be permanently damaged.

Can your DD swap with grandma or aunt?

Ask your dad to swap rooms with your DD. It's a ship. The odds of something untoward happening to her while she's in her room alone are small.

I read it as great auntie. Semantics I know ……..

I don't understand why if your mother is one of the 5% of the population which is a narcissist, why would you send your daughter on holiday with them?

I would feel safer dd isn't in a room alone tbh...
Just tell dd to give dgm some teen tips and shove her mess under the bed...

@Notamum12345577

and that is why I asked in a previous reply

'tho you don't say who the sister is, your dad's sister or grandma's sister - but at least there would only have been one generation age difference if aunty is grandmas's daughter and not her sister, and not two generations like your daughter is sharing with.'

Her own room and privacy on holiday, that's ridiculous! How many family holidays do you know of where every child gets their own room? Apart from anything else it wouldn't be allowed on a cruise and I would doubt in most hotels as well.

A child would not be allowed to be in their own cabin on a cruise, or most hotel rooms come to that.

Lots of comments suggesting the 13 year old should have her own room but that's far too young to stay in a room alone! Not sure about cruises but in a hotel there has to be at least one person over 18 in every room.
I hate having a messy hotel room so daughter has my sympathy! & definitely not typical teenage behaviour to ask others to clean up so it must be pretty bad ....

Rubbish situation and I feel sorry for dd if grandma isn’t so nice to her but I admit I re read your post afew times to be certain it’s grandma who’s messy and dd who wants it tidy- I’d be delighted if that was my dd! Sounds like you’ve done a fab job with her op

Well I reckon it depends whether your mum is making a mess on her own side of the cabin, or chucking things on DDs bed. If the former, it may annoy your DD, but that’s what sharing is like. If the latter, that would piss anyone off, and DD should be allowed to move those things to her man’s side, and ignore her Nan kicking off.