DH going back to work and DS won’t be put down - what to expect?

[Saywhatuc]

DH is going back to work on Tuesday, leaving me home alone with DS. We have no family nearby.

I would be feeling fine about it were it not for the fact that DS simply will not be put down. He won’t go in the Moses basket, the Next to me, the activity gym, the bouncer, not even the fabled Sleepyhead! At most we will get 15 mins in them - even if he is in the deepest of sleeps when placed in them, he’ll wake up.

He’s simply a baby who wants to be held.

What should I expect once I am home alone? No showers or keeping things tidy I know but I’m even concerned about going to the toilet!

DH is a teacher so in the evenings he will be lesson planning and making resources etc. I know it’s going to be a brutal shock to the system. It’s actually terrifying me if I’m honest!

A sling?

But honestly, for going to the toilet you'll just have to put him down. Nice clean fluffy towel on the bathroom floor, or a bouncer thingy you can easily move (we had one that vibrated which seemed to help, and was still light enough to be easily moved around the house with one hand), and just chat away happily while you have a quick wee/make a sandwich/change your clothes/whatever you need to do.

My baby was like this. I would say utilise a sling, I didn’t for quite a while as my DH lost his job just before baby was born so was off for a few months before he found his new job so we tag teamed in the day but I wish I had used it sooner.
Have food in that you can just grab out the fridge or cupboard and eat one handed. In terms of drinks perhaps a big reusable bottle for cold drinks prepared in the morning before DH goes.
In terms of shower if possible before DH goes to work.
I must say once he was older I could have a quick shower with him in a bouncy chair and sing to him if he grizzled.
He has just turned one and still very much doesn’t want to be alone or contained but as we have a downstairs bathroom I pop him in the buggy with me in the bathroom and give him a noisy toy or snack and hope for the best while I shower and be super quick.

You put them down and let them.cry and do what you need to do. DS was like this. I made a rule that I had to have a bath and do my hair every morning. On the first morning he howled for half and hour. On the second 15 minutes, On the third 5. After that he slept soundly for about two hours and I got everything ship shape by 11.

People might disagree, but honestly, for going to the toilet and other things that only take a couple of minutes, I’d put him safely in the Moses basket and accept that he will cry. As soon as you’re done, get back to him to comfort him.

Defintely a sling we had an ergo with DS and it was amazing
also recognise some things need to be prioritised yiu have to go to the toilet and you have to eat. If he cries for those that is ok yiu cannot not do these - if he cries for these it is fine you do need to do these things

Just use a sling and know it’s just a phase.

DH is a teacher so in the evenings he will be lesson planning and making resources etc.

he’ll have to manage his time better! I sympathise, I did this too. But honestly he will have to create better boundaries, reuse plans and mark smarter. I don’t work on my day off and do one additional evening a week - if I can’t do it in that time it doesn’t get done. hod, core subjects

Sling.
Accept he will cry.
Co sleep.

Definitely a sling/carrier, try getting out for a walk in the pram too baby may settle in the bassinet.

Ask DH to prep what he can for you before he leaves in the morning, my husband made me a sandwich and popped it in the fridge so I had something I could grab and eat one handed.

Ffs -- crying for a few minutes, but you left an inconsolable baby for half an hour?

Do not do this. Fine to leave him to cry for a couple of minutes while you pop to the loo, but leaving a young baby to howl for 30 minutes is a huge no, it’s cruel.

My dad gave my great advice about this when I had a clingy baby: Babies have no way to communicate in the early weeks other than crying. They can cry from hunger, pain, discomfort, fatigue, or just preference. Not all crying is created equal. With a clingy baby, you hold them as much as you can. But you are also a human who has needs and rights, and so when you need a moment, you feed them, wind them, change them, and put them in a warm and safe place. Then you need feel zero guilt about going to pee or eat a sandwich. Baby won’t be scarred from crying in a safe environment for 5 minutes.

I found it hard to listen to the crying when I did this, but I’d take deep breaths and run down the list. “I’ve held her all morning. She’s eaten. She’s clean. She’s in a safe spot. She will be ok. I won’t be if I don’t eat. It is ok to do this.”

Bouncer in the bathroom while you shower. Yea he'll cry but you can talk to him and he won't feel abandoned.

I'd get an appointment with a local sling library as soon as you can. That way you aren't stuck to a sofa, can make a, potter round (or tidy if you fancy, but don't feel you have to), go out for a walk, see friends etc. And yes, I've going to the loo wearing them, even changed tampons! 😂

Also remember (and I say this as a really really soft mum 😂), it's not that your baby 'can't' be put down, just that they get upset when you do, and you aren't willing to do that. It's not going to kill them crying for a few minutes. If you finish your shower whilst they cry that's fine. If you had an older child you'd have to leave then whilst you got them food, took then to the loo, sorted their nappy etc, so it's perfectly alright to do so.

You need to go the loo.

Yes, hold a clingy baby as much as you can, but you need to go to the loo and eat.

I wouldn’t dream of leaving him for thirty minutes. My heart breaks for him when he’s inconsolable from wind or over tiredness!

This will sound mad but I didn’t even think of a sling. We actually bought a Nuna Cudl Clik before he was born and I’d completely forgotten about it til now, it’s still in its box! I’ll definitely make sure to dig it out tomorrow and set it up. I’m not sure if that’s more of a ‘carrier’ than a ‘sling’ (or even if the difference matters?) but it did say it’s suitable from newborn?

Get a sling or baby carrier

Also - I agree with other posters - you just have to put them down and let them cry sometimes. You need to go to the loo and get yourself food and drinks as a bare minimum. I’d add in a quick shower there too, although I was lucky to be able to do that when DH was home mostly.

Sometimes if I got in and toddler needed lunch or nappy or whatever and baby was crying for a feed then it was just easiest and best for everyone to spend 5/10 minutes getting toddler sorted first and then settle down to feed baby. Crying for a few minutes won’t hurt them

And yes, I will make sure I go to the loo 😅 I’m just feeling a bit nervous about it all. As really DS has been constantly held for the past few weeks. It’s going to be a shock for him too 😕

A sling is great.

And yes, you can put baby down and go to the restroom or do other things needed. Make a nice safe place for baby to lie and it's ok. Baby can stay off you for 5 minutes without being harmed.

This was me OP and now my baby is 6 months was (and still is) an absolute velcro baby but it’s just became second nature now!

You get very good at extremely speedy wee’s, eating & drinking one handed, wearing a baby, watching TV with baby on chest etc.

What I found helpful especially the first couple months when you’re sat down cuddling for their naps majority of the day is set yourself up a little station beside you on the sofa in the morning before he leaves for work. Mine would have some fruit, some crisps, biscuits, water, juice, tv remote beside you, phone charger, Kindle if you have one, paracetemol… that way you have everything you might need ready to grab!

You adjust so much faster than you think and before you know it they’re rolling around quicker than you’d think possible and wanting to sit up and play with toys and you’ll have your hands full in a different way! Good luck x

Yep. He'll just have to bloody well sort himself out OP. He doesn't get to shirk because he's a teacher 🙄

Get a sling, accept some crying, lower your expectations, lean into contact naps and boxsets, and don't let your husband take the piss because he "has marking to do." Not enough 🙄 emojis in the world for that.

Don't stop having showers, eating properly and looking after yourself because baby cries. That's what babies do.

Also - make in advance (or get DH to make it!) a lunch for yourself that you can just grab when you get a chance to eat it. Probably something that can be eaten with one hand!

Get DH to make you a cup of tea, maybe breakfast and fill up your water cup etc before he goes to work

If it works then have a shower before he goes to work, or have it on an evening when he’s home.

I used to get DH to make sure the pram was set up (we kept it in the garage) so I could just pop baby in and go for a walk and not have to wrestle it out of the car after c sec.

You can go to the loo etc with a baby in a sling.
You can also pop him in something like a BabyBjörn bouncer (super lightweight and portable) while you're on the toilet so he can be reassuringly close and able to see you, not lying flat on his back crying at the ceiling. It's definitely fine for babies to be left for a few minutes while you get yourself together; you can coo and sing and chat to them. Once you get the hang of your sling, you'll be utterly liberated, gaining the use of both hands again and eventually getting the confidence to do everything as normal. A few months older and you'll be able to strap him on your back with a cloth and go about your day unhindered. Or wear him on your front for breastfeeding on the move ‐nobody would ever know. Brilliant.

No 1 best option is a sling - no 2 is a self-rocking mamaroo 4 chair. It mimics the motion of babies in the womb and my newborn loved it - quite pricey but you can get one second hand in case yours doesn't like it

It's a sound thing
They've spent 9 months listening to your heartbeat
When they're held they can hear the holders heartbeat
Get some music / white noise / whatever with the same beat effect

I thought the person who told me this was bonkers but it worked.