DH going back to work and DS won’t be put down - what to expect?

[Saywhatuc]

DH is going back to work on Tuesday, leaving me home alone with DS. We have no family nearby.

I would be feeling fine about it were it not for the fact that DS simply will not be put down. He won’t go in the Moses basket, the Next to me, the activity gym, the bouncer, not even the fabled Sleepyhead! At most we will get 15 mins in them - even if he is in the deepest of sleeps when placed in them, he’ll wake up.

He’s simply a baby who wants to be held.

What should I expect once I am home alone? No showers or keeping things tidy I know but I’m even concerned about going to the toilet!

DH is a teacher so in the evenings he will be lesson planning and making resources etc. I know it’s going to be a brutal shock to the system. It’s actually terrifying me if I’m honest!

Mine needed holding. DH used to make me lunch before he went to work and all I did all day was baby.

We had a bouncer or playmat or similar in each bathroom and I would put her on that for the loo/shower. I generally showered when DH was there but on good days I could manage it when he wasn’t.

I had a sling to walk around the house/hang out the washing (we used cloth nappies so there was a lot of that) but otherwise I just watched TV and went for walks etc. DH did all the house jobs, cooking and chores.

It’s not forever @Saywhatuc, in a few months they change so much.

Sling, sling, sling and sling. And try to get up early before DH goes to work for a shower, or shower the night before if you need to. Also accept that some days you might not shower, and that’s okay. But try to as much as you can and know that it really isn’t forever. It just feels like it, but this phase does go by super fast even though in the moment it feels like a lifetime xxxx

Just a quick pointer btw, don't have baby in the sling in dungarees or a jumpsuit! It makes thing to the toilet impossible unless your disturb them 😂

The nuna cudl clik will be too big until baby is about 6-8 weeks, it's very bulky (a copy of the Bjorn One carrier) but can be ok.
I would hit up your local sling library for something to see you through until it fits. A stretchy wrap, close caboo, or a soft stretchy buckle carrier like a mamaruga zensling or ergo embrace, is what I'd recommend you try out.

Yes we had a Close Caboo for the newborn days, got it secondhand and sold it on afterwards. That was easy and comfortable to use.

well yes. He was clean, dry, fed and fine.
remember as a parent - you are important too.

Not being funny but half the babies in the world if not more are brought up like this!

That's not even accurate - the majority of young babies around the world are all left to cry for 30 mins? What has given you that impression?

Sometimes you do just have to put them down and if they cry it's tough really. For short stretches obviously like if you need the toilet or need to get yourself something to eat.

I generally showered either in the morning before DH had left for work, or on an evening before bed when he was back, or when a baby was having a nap somewhere other than on me (admittedly this was fairly rare to start with with DC1 - DC2 managed to be put down for naps more often from a younger age, they had to really).

Sling or baby carrier definitely can be helpful at times.

For the first couple of months, DH used to make me (and DC1 when I was on ML with DC2) a sandwich/packed lunch type thing for lunch when he made his own for work the night before.

Yes. Agree 100%

Can anyone here recommend a sling I can get off Amazon - i.e. I can get delivery for tomorrow? It seems to be the way forward…

I'm very surprised to see so many advocating that small babies should be left to cry for 30 minutes. Time to pee? Absolutely. Time for a soak in the bath (while they cry?) No. Well, crack on if you're not worried about attachments I suppose.

OP I like the look of the Koala babycare one on Amazon, but that's because I wasn't much cop at tying them on - mostly they are just one big bit of cloth and it's all in how you tie that (but lots of videos to show you)

Both of mine have liked to be close, they were never content to lie on a mat or anything like that. Definitely recommend getting a sling and looking for videos for how to set it up etc. But also know it doesn't last forever this bit, as soon as you think you've got it, they'll change again and you'll be trying again to figure them out. You sound like you're doing a great job, good luck

This. Had enough of this ‘baby “won’t let us”’ nonsense. You are the adult, you decide what happens. Yes the baby will cry. But he won’t die. And will eventually get used to it

You are adding more pressure to stressed out new mums. It isn't needed.

Attachment disorders are not caused by a baby, in a safe place, crying.

its been a few years since my DC were babies, 14 to be exact. But it will not harm them to be unsettled and cry for a while in order that you can keep yourself clean and go to the toilet.

Motherhood should not be martyrdom

quite

hush now.

Have you tried a swing? That was the only thing to settle DD. Other than that, pram walks, lots of boxset cuddly days, a mug that keeps drinks warm and plenty of snacks.

Oh and white noise if you don't already use it.

I can post you out a stretchy wrap tomorrow for a month's free hire, feel free to PM me.
Or, these are probably the two I'd recommend from Amazon: amzn.eu/d/8pY5Nes
amzn.eu/d/catLOK9

Here's a video to help:

Bouncy chair in front of the washer worked for me every time, failing that put Cbeebies on television, the moving pictures & music can help. Have you thought of getting one of those little machines that rocks the pram? If you can get him used to being rocked in the pram, then start using the machine. Does he have a dummy? Would you consider using one?

I used a stretchy wrap for my velcro baby. Mine was a kari-me, but if you search for stretchy wraps, there are loads on Amazon. You'll need to practice a bit but I found it much better than a carrier type sling. I also discovered eventually that mine would be put down and sleep in his moses basket if the mattress was warm and I had the Dyson running right next to it. The noise and vibration must have been soothing. He eventually progressed to Gregorian chanting and Jean-Michel Jarre, but only if I put the Dyson on first and slowly moved it away while turning the music up 🤣 Our poor neighbours must have thought I was mad - 'There she goes with her monks again....'

Good luck! It's a big step, but the need to be held is normal - look into the 'fourth trimester'.i found that the less I worried about trying to put him down and the more I accepted that my job was to hold him, the easier it all was.

Just put him somewhere safe while you go to the toilet, shower, eat etc. You can't hold him 24/7, some babies hate slings.