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DH going back to work and DS won’t be put down - what to expect?

63 replies

Saywhatuc · 12/10/2024 20:05

DH is going back to work on Tuesday, leaving me home alone with DS. We have no family nearby.

I would be feeling fine about it were it not for the fact that DS simply will not be put down. He won’t go in the Moses basket, the Next to me, the activity gym, the bouncer, not even the fabled Sleepyhead! At most we will get 15 mins in them - even if he is in the deepest of sleeps when placed in them, he’ll wake up.

He’s simply a baby who wants to be held.

What should I expect once I am home alone? No showers or keeping things tidy I know but I’m even concerned about going to the toilet!

DH is a teacher so in the evenings he will be lesson planning and making resources etc. I know it’s going to be a brutal shock to the system. It’s actually terrifying me if I’m honest!

OP posts:
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Ariela · 13/10/2024 00:03

Talk to your baby. Tell him what you are going to do, eg 'Right, I need a wee so I'm just going to pop you here on the floor on this fluffy towel by me while I have a wee, then as soon as I've washed my hands and dried them, I can pick you up again' Do a running commentary as you go, and over time baby will pick up on what you are saying and begin to understand what's happening and learn it isn't the end of the world. In time baby will chatter to you when you talk to him, and if you leave pauses for him to reply, that's the beginning of his speaking.

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 20/02/2025 01:08

You have inadvertently created a situation where you feel you can’t put them down. Of course you can. Your baby is learning about the world through you. You are teaching him that he needs to be touching you all the time. That’s not healthy for him Is that?tomorrow get your fluffiest rug lay them on the floor and go and sit away from them for one minute, maybe you can think of a song you know and you want your child to know and you can sing that song, do it for one minute and then let us know how you got on.

MajorCarolDanvers · 20/02/2025 02:36

You will just need to put him down sometimes. You need to wash, go to the loo, use the kettle and cooker.

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Greenwallpinkwall · 20/02/2025 02:52

Millions of women have managed it before you. You’ll be fine

Parker231 · 20/02/2025 03:00

You have to put them down so you can get things done. I have DT’s - you can’t hold two babies all day or wear two babies in a sling. They nap in their Moses basket, cot or in the playpen.

BellaNutella88 · 20/02/2025 13:47

My second was like this. I bought a mamaroo second hand with high hopes but she didn’t care for it. Sling for daytime while you potter about, or get out the house if baby will tolerate the pram (mine didn’t). I put a bouncer in the bathroom while I showered and coslept at night. It got better and she now naps at least. Good luck !

JimHalpertsWife · 20/02/2025 13:50

On an evening put the bouncer chair at dhs feet wherever he is sat lesson planning. Swaddle ds in a massive muslin and squeeze him into the bouncer. Dh can use his foot to bounce the chair as he works.

scoobysnaxx · 20/02/2025 14:20

How did you get on in the end OP?

Did anything work?

Saywhatuc · 20/02/2025 18:19

Lol at the post saying I ‘created’ this situation - I must have done so when he was in the womb as it was clear from the very first night in the hospital that he would not be put down in the crib! 😁

Thank you for asking how we’re doing @scoobysnaxx, it’s interesting to read through this thread again.

Quite simply, it was really tough! They all say things reach a turning point at six weeks, but for us, it was more like 12.

I went to a couple of sling libraries and experimented with a few, but I didn’t really get on with them. I felt they were a faff to put on, a faff to take off when DS started to cry, they made me feel hot and sweaty, and I was never sure how I was supposed to sit down in one without squashing DS.

What did help, eventually, and only in very small incremental ways, was getting a bouncer. DS would tolerate a few minutes in it here and there which allowed me to go to the loo or put the kettle on. I also found out just before Christmas that you could get newborn attachments for high chairs. We bought a Cosatto Noodle which again let me have a very precious 10+ minutes here and there.

But overall, it was quite hard having a Velcro baby in those early months - and the only ones who truly understand are the ones who had one themselves! There were some days before Christmas when DH would come home and I hadn’t even changed out of my PJs or brushed my teeth, let alone made/had lunch etc.

We still co-sleep as DS at first would never go down in the Moses/crib to sleep, and nowadays simply won’t be transferred without waking! We have tried everrrything. We try daily. But - he knows he’s being put down! 😁Co-sleeping has been great though as it meant I got more sleep than if he’d been in a separate cot and I would have had to physically get out of bed to nurse him. We recently side-carred a cot so we’ll see how that goes. I do want him in his own space in the not-too distant future but I think it’ll be a slow process.

DS is still very Velcro, but I’ve just leaned into it now. I’ve stopped asking ‘what am I doing wrong?’ and realised that you can only parent the child you have and they are all so different! The days go by so quickly so I just try to soak up each day and find the joy, even when I am shattered or having a bit of a harder day.

What I wish I could do is go back a few months and tell myself to stop comparing myself, and DS, to everyone else. No one else has got it sorted and often if they say they have, they’re bullshitting. I didn’t realise that back then! I also learned that you have to find your tribe, and that might take time. But they are out there!

OP posts:
BabyFever246 · 20/02/2025 18:32

Sling! Depending on the type I could go to bathroom in mine 🤣. Lived in it, napped in it, I could eat as my hands were free with my hand covering babies head.

Also a rocker, mine only settled in a proper swinging rocker but would be quite happy for 10min or so which is long enough for a quick shower.

SunnieShine · 20/02/2025 22:14

Tomorrowisyesterday · 12/10/2024 20:19

Ffs -- crying for a few minutes, but you left an inconsolable baby for half an hour?

Only the first time.

marthasmum · 20/02/2025 22:27

Lovely to see the update OP, well done you! Just for context - my Velcro baby is 19 now and still likes a hug. He is very affectionate, needs human contact and is very good at talking about his feelings. He did drive me mad when he couldn’t be put down for 3 months but as he’s got older the person he is has made sense. There would have been no fighting it and if I did leave him (as I also had a 20 month old) he would just howl and howl until I picked him up again. He has been worth it though!

HardcoreLadyType · 20/02/2025 22:41

DS was like this. I had him in a sling most of the time. One day, I put him down in the middle of our bed, with pillows either side, because DH needed help with something quickly, and he…went to sleep! What bliss!
Make sure your DH gives you enough time to have a bath, and be child free for even just 1/2 an hour. I know he has a time consuming job, but that small respite makes a huge difference.

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