We’ve had a terrible row this afternoon and I have a massive headache now.
DS is 3.5 weeks old and for the past few days has been much more unsettled. DH hasn’t been able to have any hugs or cuddles because when he’s holding him, he just cries and only settles if he’s feeding on me. It’s been really tiring. (He won’t be put down to sleep either.)
I can see DH has started to feel like a bit of a spare part, and earlier he said that he thought he would have more of a bond with DS by now, meaning that he would be able to be soothed by him. I said look he’s only 3 weeks old and just wants feeding. DS then needed a nappy change and DH asked if I wanted to do it as if he did it, it would just lead to DS becoming very upset. I then said something along the lines of it felt as if DH was checking out of becoming a dad.
DH got very hurt, told me it was one of the most hurtful things I’ve ever said to him. I got very upset. DH said we’re both feeling demotivated but for opposite reasons - DS won’t settle on him which feels awful for DH; DS will only settle on me which is exhausting for me. He added that he feels as though it’s okay for me to get upset but he feels as though he’s not able to feel upset or down. He added that we both need to be kind to each other.
It was a horrible row and now it’s tainted everything. When do things start to get better?