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Parenting

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Original poster

Step father and DD argument

74 replies

hadenough27 · 03/10/2024 09:29

So, last night my DD - 9 years old shouted at my husband (her step dad) that she wishes mummy would break up with him as she doesn't like him, doesn't like him swearing at her when mummies at work and wishes mummy was single and that she can't take it anymore
DD has a temper and flys of the handle at small things yes but everyday I get home from work and it's like walking into a battlefield
H response to her was telling her how crap it would be if he left, asking where her real dad is and how much effort (or not in this case as he doesn't) puts in
Wtf do I do

OP posts:

ChristmasJumpers · 03/10/2024 12:13

That would be the last thing he ever said to my daughter. "Where's your real dad?" disgusting from a grown man to a 9 year old

Imjustlikeyou · 03/10/2024 12:16

Do you have to ask? She’s 9 ffs, a child. Your husband is behaving like an absolute baby saying things to hurt her in response to her being upset because he swears at her!! If you’re any sort of mother you will divorce him and put your daughter first but the fact you even need to ask makes me think you won’t.

diddl · 03/10/2024 12:16

H response to her was telling her how crap it would be if he left, asking where her real dad is and how much effort (or not in this case as he doesn't) puts in
Wtf do I do

That's not a serious question is it?

You leave the nasty fucker!

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Purposefullyporous · 03/10/2024 12:17

You either need to leave him or insist he attends parenting classes or anger management classes because this is a terrible way to interact with a child. He is acting like another child. She's 9. She's very young and just hitting the age where her hormones are going crazy. Of course she's going to be on edge. That's not to say she should just get away with anything she does.. but reacting with anger and more emotional disregulation is ridiculous. He's a fully grown man. Why is he letting a child wind him up to the point where he's swearing at her and goading her about her bio dad?! He's an absolute man child.
You need to have stern words with him about acknowledging that he is parenting very badly abd about him attempting to patent better and get his emotional responses under control. If he refuses to acknowledge he's at fault here then you need to leave him to protect your daughter. This will only get worse through the teen years. She needs genuine support and calm parenting and boundaries. Not some maniac swearing abd making jibes about being left by her bio dad. How do you think that will effect her? What kind of young woman will she become if she has to deal with that day in day out?

McKenzieFriend001 · 03/10/2024 12:21

If your daughter were to disclose her feelings about your partner, and her lived experiences of his behaviour, particularly how he speaks to her, to a third party adult professional at school for example, they may consider this reaches threshold for Social Care involvement.

In your position I would choose my child over her step father, before anyone else gets involved.

Button28384738 · 03/10/2024 12:22

Put your DD first that's what! She shouldn't be living with a man that thinks it's ok to swear at a 9 year old!

ohthejoys21 · 03/10/2024 12:26

His response was particularly nasty, pointing out her real dad had no interest. You can't leave her with him.

I had problems with my 9yo dd when I met my now dh. Was more about her feeling insecure than anything personal, but he worked hard at his relationship with her. She never resented him disciplining her as he became a parent to her.

I'm afraid this is not the situation here and id be leaving him over this to be honest. It's HIS responsibility to form a loving relationship with her and if that doesn't happen you absolutely have to put her first.

Timehealseverything · 03/10/2024 12:50

As soon as I heard that, he would be an ex.

CurlewKate · 03/10/2024 13:15

@DaisyChain505 "We’re going to need some more info to comment. "

I don't. He is vile. He needs to leave.

Venturini · 03/10/2024 13:19

Hoping this isn't real. If it is I'm afraid you married a real piece of shit OP and need to take a long hard look at yourself for putting your daughter through this.

pinkyredrose · 03/10/2024 13:53

Your poor daughter. She should feel safe at home, not be alone with this vile bully.

Does he work? I'd be tempted to put hidden cameras in the house to see how he really treats her.

SprigatitoYouAndIKnow · 03/10/2024 13:54

Well I know virtually nothing about him and I don't like him either. Swearing at a child and telling them they have a shit dad is pretty darn low.

BurbageBrook · 03/10/2024 14:59

Your poor little girl.

MrSeptember · 03/10/2024 15:06

I startee reading your message and was trying to give your Dh the benefit of the doub. Thinking tha tperhaps your DD is going through a difficult phase, over reacting etc.

And then I read his response to her .

And now not only do I think he's a complete wanker, I'm absolutely gobsmacked that you can't see that his behaviour is appalling and completely unacceptable.

Just to break it down for you let's run through what that one little response from him tell sus:

He is threatening to leave as a control tactic
He seems to think (rightly or wrongly) that hi leaving would be a bad thing. Clearly there's no emotional reason for that so is that to do with you being unahppy or finances?
He's taunting her that her biological father is out of the picture and a bit useless.

what a prince.

Aimtodobetter · 03/10/2024 16:10

How could you possibly be confused about what this is - its a grown man emotionally abusing a 9 year old child and you are supporting him in doing it and seem to be more worried about the impact on yourself. Either you end the relationship or accept that your child when grown up will see you for who you are - someone who didn't love her enough to protect her from abuse.

Awfeck · 03/10/2024 16:16

Hopefully someone who knows you will help the child. I hope she has someone who does look out for her.

Pigeonqueen · 03/10/2024 16:17

And off he pops.

Vile man.

WeeOrcadian · 03/10/2024 16:20

He swears at her when you're not around?

He sounds like a fucking prince

nootcoffee · 03/10/2024 16:21

Pigeonqueen · 03/10/2024 16:17

And off he pops.

Vile man.

No chance the Op will ask him to leave or she leave with her daughter.

No. Chance.

CeruleanBelt · 03/10/2024 16:33

You're letting him abuse your child. Nice.

Tiredmamma357 · 03/10/2024 17:04

Sorry I couldn't forgive him for saying that about her birth father (even if he is a waste of space). He should be adult enough to respond appropriately to her behaviour without bringing in her father or saying how rubbish it would be if he left. That's just awful.

Why does he swear at her? Honestly I'd be making plans to leave. You need to prioritise your daughter and not your husband here. Or you'll end up with losing your daughter (emotionally) if not now but definitely when she is an adult and realises you put your feelings before hers.

AmICrazyToEvenBother · 03/10/2024 17:10

Your husband is a wanker - this is your CHILD. You defend her obviously and de-prioritise your vagina.

Nameftgigb · 06/10/2024 17:50

Not coming back op?

Starlight7080 · 06/10/2024 17:57

I hope you know his behaviour is completely wrong . And you are obviously putting your marriage above your child.
I doubt you will change this going by the tone of your post.
So you should probably expect for things to get worse over the years until you hardly have a relationship with your dd .

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