6 month old twins…HELL!

[KatM93]

Thought I’d turn to Mumsnet as I’m literally at my breaking point. I have twin girls nearly 6 months old and feel like it’s not getting any easier. Both girls are rarely happy and I feel like they spend most of their time crying despite me doing my absolute best everyday. I breastfeed both which is a challenge as the smaller twin gets so distracted and bobs on and off so feel like I’m constantly feeding but this would be manageable if I wasn’t so exhausted. They both sleep on my chest overnight (the only way they’ve slept since day 1) which is becoming increasingly difficult with them growing and getting bigger, T1 will wake every 2 hours for a feed and sets off T2, my husband is good and will get up with one while I feed (I hate tandem feeding, it makes them uncomfortable and me overstimulated). I want to try and get them to sleep next to me on the floor bed but every time I try this they wake screaming. I’m so ashamed to say it but I told them I hated them the other night because they wouldn’t settle and I was exhausted. I have a 2 year old too who I often feel like I neglect because of the twins. My husband is good but I find myself lashing out at him. I’m getting to the point that I’ve stopped going out more and more because they just scream crying and hate being in the pram now which is taking a toll on my mental health. I wake up each day with positive thoughts about how the day will go but a couple of hours in and I want to cry. Does anyone have any advice about getting them both down? Or just reassuring words that my babies aren’t unhappy because of me and things will get better?

What's your financial situation like? Can you afford any help?

6 month old twins and a two year old? You’re a bloody superhero!

sounds like you are doing an amazing job. It’s been a longggg time since I had a newborn so no practical advice but please don’t worry yourself that you are making your babies unhappy. Hopefully someone wiser will be along shortly with the practical advice but just here to cheer you on!

God I remember that well but my twins are now nearly 10 and I wasn’t able to breastfeed and I didn’t have a toddler! You are a bloody superhero.
Are you able to express so that you dh can feed them at the same time? We bottlefed ours, so we would actually wake twin1 up to feed so that when he was finishing then twin 2 would just be waking for his feed. It was relentless though and a bit like Groundhog Day. It does get better! I promise! We propped them up in bath chairs (non-bouncy) whilst we fed them if they were both needing done at the same time. Big twin-Mum solidarity fist pump to you 🤛🏻

Hey! Couldn't read and run!
I have a set of twins and when they were born my DD wasn't even 2 yet so similar age gap.

My god it is hard! The sleep deprivation is brutal! All be it I bottle fed both of mine.

Mine were NIGHTMARE sleepers, during the day I would walk for hours with them in the buggy just for them to sleep and some times at night would have to put them in the buggy and have to stand rocking the buggy. White noise also helped.

I put my toddler into a childminder a few mornings a week and had help from grandparents while I was on maternity to take the pressure off. Is that an option at all for your eldest?

I eventually caved when my twins were about 10months and got help with gentle sleep training which literally saved my sanity.

It won't sound it right now but hang on in there, Better days WILL come.

Your not doing a bad job at all, twins and a toddler is HARD work. Xx

Gosh you are doing an amazing job.
How set are you on continuing to BF?

I am passionate about BF, but they are 6 months, so could start to wean as well, and if you switched to formula, (or added in a formula bottle to the BF) then the toll on you would be less and someone else can help with the feeding. BF wipes you out physically, but also being the only source of nutrition for twins is emotionally exhausting too.

Just to reiterate the last Pp, get the babies on the bottle, reclaim your body and sleep train. It took 3 nights with my twins but it saved my sanity.

Mine are now teenagers but the first couple of years are brutal do you have the charity sure start near you (I think that’s what it’s called) they have volunteers and I was offered free help so it is worth looking up. I’d like to volunteer once I’ve got a bit more time. Where are you based? If you’re near me I’ll come and help occasionally:)
I breastfed until they were one and got totally touched out. It is just a stage though and I promise it will get easier.
Maybe get someone in if you can afford to help with sleep training?

You’re juggling a huge amount, 6 month old twins and a toddler I am in absolute awe, you’re doing an incredible job and it’s such a strength that you’re able to recognise that you’re at a point where something has to give to make this sustainable for your own wellbeing.

Totally agree with PP, formula and bottles (even just a couple a day) could just break up the relentlessness and overwhelm, they’re 6 months old now and you should be so proud of yourself for exclusively feeding them this long.

Your partner could then help out feeding them, give you some physical and emotional space and take some of the load off you.

If they’re weaning onto solids they might also be at a turning point with sleep very soon and less reliant on overnight feeds.

Do you have family close by or any other help?

I have twins and with my eldest I did all the same stuff, let him sleep in my bed etc but those two required a much tighter ship and routine. Twins are no joke! I only coped with having them in a routine so we all knew what we needed to be doing. It will all seem a bit brighter when you start getting a bit more sleep xx

@Pearlgemspark not amazing to be honest, my husband is doing a degree and I’m on maternity leave. My toddler does go to nursery 3x week and with grandparents for a night. I’ve reached out to HoneStart but they have no volunteers to help at the moment so just trying to get through it

@doodlejump1980 @steppemum
When they first came home from hospital I was pumping and my husband was helping out but I despised pumping as it took up so much time that I pushed on with directly breastfeeding. This now means that both girls reject the bottle. I honestly feel done with breastfeeding some days but I don’t know how else they would be fed without it, I’m hoping weaning will help in the next few weeks when they are ready.

@FiloPasty I’ve applied for a volunteer with Homestart but they’re struggling to find someone at the moment. I’m in Connahs Quay, North Wales x

I would seriously think about switching to bottle feeding or at least supplementing with formula. You can sit them up in their chairs and feed them at the same time and once the bottle is done, it's done - no popping on and off the boob for hours on end. You've done amazingly to get to this far, but having twins is bad enough without ever being able to put them down - you must be so touched out. Consider a perfect prep, we found it a lifesaver. Also used to use milton steriliser tablets in a big tub of water so i always had sterilised bottles on hand and didn't need to faff with the microwave steriliser.

It does get slightly easier at every stage but you're right in the thick of it now.

Do they sleep together? Mine shared a cot until they were too big to fit anymore - i think they liked having the security of having their sibling close by.

Oh I'm not wildly far from you, are you in any of the twin groups on fb?

Mine are adults now and I didn't have an older child, it sounds incredibly stressful OP. Twins are hard. You've done so well to BF them for six months, I think if you got them onto a bottle/weaning then life would be a bit easier as they may sleep more which is a game changer.

I was you 6 years ago, I promise it gets easier but the first year is hell there's no denying it. I'd honestly consider switching to bottle feeding it is much easier, DH would do one twin while I did the other. Weaning will help 💐 hang in there.

My gosh, a 2 yr old AND 6 mth twins? To still be coherent enough to know you need help and actually ask for it makes me think you're bloody supermum!
Go easy on yourself please... x
I loved BFing my babies (many years apart btw!) but surely that is your biggest problem right now? Can you get them on a bottle? That you've BF TWINS for 6 months is fantastic, but we know formula fills them up more. You will be potentially have 2 less hangry babies and 100% less of the onus on you alone. Then potentially more sleep, less angry words said in sheer exhaustion and desperation that you regret later (which we all do x), and hopefully a better functioning happier family... xx

Wow this sounds so tough!
It seems quite unusual for them to only sleep on your chest at this age (obviously very common in newborns) - do they seem uncomfortable lying down? I wonder if there is something underlying making them only able to sleep comfortably in a more upright position? Unless you mean they sleep on your chest on top of you lying down. Either way sounds a bit uncomfortable with two 6 month olds!

In regards to feeding, do you think you may be able to express on one side whilst feeding on the other side? Or would that be too overstimulating as well? Only if you could, you could get into a routine where you feed one twin directly while your husband feeds the other baby using milk you expressed the previous feed/previous night? That way you could be done with feeding and getting back to sleep a bit quicker.

Sorry, forgot to add:

THEY DEFINITELY AREN'T UNHAPPY (BECAUSE OF ANYONE) AND THINGS DEFINITELY WILL GET BETTER

xx

Sounds like you are doing amazingly. I have twins and breastfed them, but no older child, so I can't imagine how hard that must be. Hopefully you are right that things will get easier as you progress with weaning. You've done the hardest bit now. Keep telling yourself that. Could you give tandem feeding another go? I used a twin feeding pillow and it was a lifesaver.

Oh OP you’ve done an amazing job breastfeeding and co sleeping for so long. I managed breastfeeding and expressing for my twins until four months and that was enough for me. My advice would be to sleep train now. The earlier the better. I don’t mean leave them crying for hours on end but try and get them into their own beds with a bedtime routine and sleeping for longer periods of time asap. I found when I started to regulate their daytime naps and stopped breastfeeding they slept a full 12 hours. There are loads of books/you tube videos to help if you can’t afford to hire someone for advice. Once my twins were 5/6 months I started weaning and introduced a strict bedtime routine and they have generally slept really well since. They have each other which I think definitely helps. I know routine isn’t for everyone and I wasn’t as strict with my older two but twins are so much more difficult and I found having them in a routine meant they were far more settled and I could function like a normal human being most of the time!

Oh ok,I swear one day they'll sleep in their own bed for a few hours before at least having the decency to walk themselves to your bed.

I would really try bottle feeding and by that I mean DH do it with you out the way so they can't smell it. Weaning will also help hopefully.

If he's studying, how much is he home? Is he doing his share? Can you nap in the day between feeds when he's home?

It's great you've kept eldest in nursery, but please don't worry they're better Ng neglected. It will get easier to spend time of your own with them in time.

No advice re sleeping as mine have never been great, but solidarity for those night I walked around the streets at midnight pushing a twin around in circles

Wow, what an achievement.
Breastfeeding one baby (for a month) nearly seen me off. But to do it for two babies for six months whilst having a toddler is amazing. The sleep deprivation is a killer. I feel for you and can't offer advice cos I've not been in your shoes but I genuinely think you're amazing! The few months after birth are so hard. I'm sure your babies aren't unhappy you're being hard on yourself.
Hopefully things get better now weaning can start

A couple of tips from a non-twin mum:

1. If they won't take a normal teat maybe try a silicon free-flow teat - nice and soft but doesn't require sucking. This worked for my son when I stopped breastfeeding at 7 months, and he wouldn't take a normal bottle.

2. I found with my most recent baby that he became much more efficient at breastfeeding at around 6 months. I was pushing him to have feeds he really didn't need, and it made it seem like he was distracted when actually he just didn't need the milk. At this age he went down to about 4 breastfeeds a day from memory.

Good luck, it sounds like you're doing a great job.

Sorry op, just saw your update about them rejecting a bottle. Was it breastmilk? Because I discovered after much pumping and storing that my lo always refused my milk in bottles because it ended up tasting funny - almost rancid, and that's despite ALWAYS handling it and storing it correctly. It is a thing apparently. Luckily it was only the rare occasion we needed her to have a bottle so gave formula those times, but then we had to find a teat she deemed acceptable!

Wow what a bloody lot you have on! Could it be completely your husband's job to attempt bottles a couple of times a day? Making sure he does all the buying, making, prepping and washing up?

Really feel for you though and I think it sounds like you're doing a fantastic job!

I’m in awe of you for breastfeeding twins! Wow.
If you’re looking for permission to sleep train- you have mine! Everything is shit when you feel exhausted and I think being able to sleep without 2 babies on you would make things feel a bit more manageable.
If you can persist with trying a bottle, or even an open cup, being able to share the night feeds would enable you to stick some earplugs in and get a block of a few hours.