Giving up a high paying job/career to be SAHM

[HJA87]

I would like to hear from those of you who have done as per the thread title. Why have you decided to become a SAHM and are you planning to go back to work at some point? Also what does your typical day looks like? I would ideally go back part time and have my kids look after by family on my working days but it doesn’t look like my work will let me reduce hours so I’m now considering taking some time out.

No I didn’t say that. I was responding the the poster above me.

Well I cannot respond for the other poster, but I read that as “type of things” which at least to me reads as more monetary freedom.

Oh right. I didn’t.

I really disagree with this (also a bit confused about “high earners…whether we work or not”- how is someone a high earner unless they work?). IME high earners tend to have interesting jobs and don’t want to give them up unless it’s to spend more time with their children. I know lots of high flyers who gave up work to be very hands-on mums at home. I don’t know a single high flyer who gave up work but then used childcare anyway, because the sorts of people who do that sort of job generally don’t want to just sit on their arse.

Perhaps OP is talking about being a high earner but using childcare so you can do hobbies, go to the gym etc as well as work? If you don't work how you can be a high earner though? Also confused.

I went party time two days a week and I love the balance. If you are able to, speak to your work again and see if this is an option?

I would say, I'm at the other end now where I've worked part time for 7 years and my youngest just started in reception. I'm so grateful now to have kept my senior position and good salary. I could work more but don't plan to as not necessary and I carry a lot of the home load as my DH works a lot and I enjoy it. I would have loved to be a SAHM but I'm grateful now that I don't have to try and start my career again and worry about finding something that works around school hours. I think if I had had a big standard job that I could easily pick up again I would have taken the time off but as I'd worked so hard building my career I didn't want to lose that.

Are you still on mat leave OP?

I remember when I was off my dc1 I literally couldn’t imagine returning to work - I felt like my whole life had changed and that work belonged to my old self.

But I enjoyed being back. And as the kids get older it gets easier. I’m really glad I didn’t take time out, though in my career it’s really hard to get back in - I guess if it would have less of an impact for you then maybe it’s less of a big deal.

I’d say that generally finding a balance is really hard and there are pros and cons to all options. If your current role is inflexible, then maybe a solution is to find a more flexible and/or part time job, rather than quitting completely?

My current job is flexible in the sense that it’s fully remote however they don’t want me to reduce my hours. I’m going to ask again but if they say no again then I don’t think I can commit to full time with 2 small children. It seems that home based, part time jobs don’t really exist so not sure how successful I would be in finding something new.

Im still on leave but I went back full time after my first mat leave and found it really hard not spending much time with my daughter. As hard and chaotic as it is, I love being with my kids ever day. Things are so much simpler when or if us isn’t working as well. My second baby is also a really high needs baby and I can’t imagine him in nursery. If I go part time he wouldn’t have to go as family would look after him on my working days.

@HJA87 can your husband go part time? And your work might be happy with a smaller reduction in your hours.

I gave up a well paid senior role to become a sahm when my eldest was born 6 years ago. Our finances haven't suffered at all as DH is also a high earner, and I've used my time not working to build up my assets (using savings from my earnings), with the result that I have more income coming in now than when I was working.

My pension is healthy as I ploughed a lot into it when I was working. There are limits in how much I can pay in now I'm not earning, but I max that out, then put aside retirement savings in other wrappers (maxing out ISAs annually), then topping up unwrapped investments, and they've all grown with above-average returns thanks to a high risk investment strategy.

The house and school options we use are no different to what we'd have chosen if I were still working. I still use childcare as a sahm - my 2yo is in a paid preschool for 12 hours (and yes, I use the free time to go to yoga classes and beauty treatments as well as running errands and appointments). Before she started preschool we did toddler classes every day and trips out to places like the zoo or museums. I've always spent more time out of thr house with babies/toddlers so housework has been shared in the evenings. DH works normal 9-5 hours although he's very senior, and commutes less than 20 mins walk as we chose to live centrally to avoid the stress and time of a long commute.
My older child does a lot of camps during school holidays, specialist ones to learn dance, drama, forest school, tennis etc, and does an activity club most days. We have nice holidays and have days out most weekends. So they haven't missed out at all from me not working.

I don't have any plans to return to work. I want to be around through the primary years to ferry dcs to after school clubs, supervise homework and music practice and prep for senior school exams, and be able to attend all the school events. Once they're both at secondary I will be early 50s and I would have taken early retirement by then anyway so I definitely wouldn't want to be working. I have sports and hobbies I will be able to focus on when both are in ft school so I don't think I will get bored or lonely, and we have house renovations planned.

Do it!

You won't regret it but you will regret not spending more time with your children.

We are fortunate that DH's salary can cover our outgoings and pays into a pension. I work about 6 hours a week from home which I enjoy both from a personal point of view and being able to contribute a small amount financially.

DH has always valued what I do at home and we both work as a team.

When the DCs were small we went to toddler groups, met with other mums, visited grandparents, went to the park. I look back on those times with great fondness. I miss them.

If your family situation allows it, do it (solid marriage, financially secure etc). I’m doing it because I know I’m 100% replaceable at work but I’m 100% irreplaceable at home. Nothing can come close to how my little boy’s eyes light up when he sees me. So quite an easy choice, really!

My typical day:
Up at 5.00am, workout; feed the dogs, tidy, shower etc. Wake up my boy at 06.30, nappy change & dress up for the day, brekkie. Play time, walkies, feed him a snack, potty etc until about 11am when he has a long nap and I chill. Then lunch, potty, more play time & walkies. Start cooking tea at 4pm, eat at 5pm. Tidy, bath, potty, gentle playtime / FaceTime grandparents. Stories & bed at 18.30. He’s asleep by 19.00. Free time for me to catch up with my husband, watch TV, play with dogs etc. Bed at 21.30.

When I had my first child almost five years ago, I was fortunate that my mother could take care of him when I returned to work after six months. However, my experience during those early years was far from ideal. I wasn’t happy—those first years were incredibly challenging for me because my son wasn’t a very calm child.

Unfortunately, due to illness, my mother was unable to continue looking after him. What we initially thought would be a temporary break of three months ended up lasting a full year. During that time, I had no choice but to take my son to a childminder. He cried every morning when I dropped him off, and I was consumed by guilt. If I had known it would last a year, I would have quit my job. At the time, I thought it was temporary, and later I hoped he would eventually adjust. That decision remains the biggest regret of my life.

In hindsight, I hated those first three years. Ironically, going to work felt like an escape for me.

Call me crazy, but after that extremely difficult experience, things eventually improved. The bond I now share with my son has grown so strong, and life with him has become much easier and more joyful. It’s this newfound happiness that has encouraged my husband and me to try for another child. I’m currently pregnant, and although it would be easier for me to return to work, I’ve decided to try being a SAHM for the sake of my second child.

Working part-time in my field would be my dream, but I don’t think it’s a realistic option—even if my mother were able to help look after the baby for a while. For now, I’m focusing on embracing this new chapter of my life.

I did. A lot of years ago now. But I was 37, had reached the top of my particular tree and I wanted something new. Turned out it was being a SAHP!