Did you feel a rush of love when your child was born?

[RedRobyn2021]

My mum always talked about this rush of love that she had when I was born

When I had my daughter, she was a bit late by 12 days and I had pressure put on me to have an induction which I refused, but the anxiety ruined the end of the pregnancy for me.

I gave birth to her at home and birthed her in water, I was really dehydrated I think and a bit spaced when she was born. I remember the first thing I thought was, "you don't look like how I thought you would". She was crying so I reassured her that it was me and everything was ok. But I did not have a rush of love.

I don't feel any guilt or shame about this, it must be normal or I wouldn't have felt that way.

Just interested to hear other women's experiences really. I'm pregnant again and intrigued to see if I get the rush this time

I didn’t with my daughter and it turned out to be undiagnosed ppd. She was very much wanted and I had a perfect pregnancy so there was no reason for this. I was able to pull myself out of the depression after about 8 weeks. My son was born two years later and I was worried about it happening again so i made sure DH would be ready to take me to a doctor if necessary (he didn’t spot the signs the first time round either because I was functioning). Luckily the second time everything went smoothly and I felt that rush of love immediately and didn’t experience ppd.

I did when she was placed on me after C-section. I remember feeling just astonished by her, and immediately in love. But I also think that this wasn't necessarily super deep as for the first week or two of having her home I kind of felt that her 'real' parents would be along to collect her - as if she were an adorable kitten I got to take care of but which didn't really belong to me.

So I think there was still a getting-to-know you phase and it took me a while to feel she was fully mine and bonded. Despite the immediate sense of awe and love.

Yes, I did with both of mine. Both were planned c sections and were about as stress free a birth can be. I think that had a lot to do with it (I can't imagine I'd have felt the same if I'd had a traumatic labour or emergency c section).

Yes, with all.my dc. Amd they weren't all easy births either.

I didn't with my first, labour and her birth were really traumatic and it was quite a surreal feeling for the first few days. It almost felt like I was looking in on someone else's life not actually living it if you know what I mean, the connection wasn't there straight away.
With my second I had an elective section and sobbed when she was born, it was instant and I really hadn't expected it at all.

No with either of my two. I didn't really bond during pregnancy either. My son it took about 3 weeks but with my daughter about 2 months, i loved her so much when I saw her but it took my ages to get to know her I guess. I didnt feel depressed or anything but I just didnt feel "connected". Its strange looking back because they are both my absolute world now and I look at them and my heart melts (5yrs and 10months)

DC 1 - not not at all. I had a very long and difficult labour and it was several weeks before we bonded. I felt dreadful for feeling like that

DC 2 - Yes - much better delivery experience

Not right when he was first born, but about 12 hours later that night in hospital when he was sleeping in my arms, yes.

No 😂 I had perfectly textbook home births with both of mine and especially with my first, I was a bit like, what is that?! I can’t really think of a time when I first felt like I loved either of them, though obviously I do very much.

No I didn't - c section, twins, was overwhelmed but it was still incredible- I poked one in the eye as my hands weren't working properly! I guess it was the drugs I was on but didn't have that feeling, although I had no problems bonding with them and love them endlessly.

Not everyone does have that feeling I think!

No but I think falling in love with my second came quicker because I knew the depth of love that had grown for the first.

With my first, no. I had a c-section under GA and he was about an hour old and dressed, wrapped up, and sleeping when I first held him. They also placed all 10lb 8oz of him right on top of my belly and it was agony. I didn’t want to say anything as I thought it would look like I didn’t want to hold him!

For his first 4 months it felt like I was just looking after someone else’s baby. Absolutely no warm feelings of love or attachment. It grew gradually and he's an adult now but still my PFB that I love and adore.

Second and third babies I loved them immediately even though the births were the same as with DS1. I think I had the whole thing figured out and well practiced with my eldest DS that it was just easy the second and third time around. I knew what I was getting myself into.

No, and to be honest many women don’t have the loverush but shame/stigma means we don’t discuss it

No, I did feel really responsible for her straight away..the weight of knowing it was on me to keep her alive was a lot. But I don't remember a rush of love, I very much felt like we had to get to know eachother.

I remember her crying in the hospital and me thinking "is someone going to do something about this?" and then realised it was me who had to sort it!

I was a first time mum though and I do feel like I'd feel differently if I had another because I know what I'm doing a bit more now. It's all such a shock when you have your first, it's hard to think about much more than whether you're doing everything wrong.

No! I didn't - was knackered after labour and two days of no sleep

It was caused by a very long labour, clots forming and then one coming loose. But I think that I am just a bit of a “bleeder” though. Despite ds being a very easy birth I did technically haemorrhage with him as well. (Although I commented that it wasn’t much more than a blood donation! 😂) Also I used to donate blood and when I did it would basically pour out of me - I used to be done and on biscuit no 3 before my friend I would go with had even finished.

I was surprisingly untraumatised by it. I think that I was just so busy trying to figure out how to care for dd to think about it properly. Every now and then I would go to Dh “it was a bit scary wasn’t it” and he would agree. But then dd would do something impressive like filling her nappy or moving her arm or smiling and I would be distracted.

I also felt very “cared for” by the midwives and doctors - I was very lucky in that respect. I knew they were fighting for me.

To be honest when I got pregnant with ds I was a bit worried but weirdly more so that he would be a terrible sleeper like dd. The hospital were good about reassuring me too - they had a protocol that they followed.

No, I didn't feel anything - just numb and detached from everything. I'd had a really fast labour - contractions started at 9pm, arrived at hospital at 1am and baby arrived at 5am. I think I was still in shock and trying to process anything. I remember looking down at my baby and feeling absolutely nothing for him. I'm so relieved that the feelings of unconditional love developed over time. I hope that if I'm lucky enough to have a second child, I'll feel that immediate bond and rush of love straight away.

Not really. I don't beat myself up about it though. My main feeling was just relief that we were both still alive.

I did, yes, 100%. The rush of love (and endorphins) was like nothing I'd ever experienced before and I'll never forget it. I had an epidural so was quite "with it" I think, which helped.

It was a huge relief too because I hated being pregnant and didn't feel I'd done a good job "bonding with my bump" as the midwives seemed to expect I should have done.

I did then find the following 6-9 months really difficult, baby cried A LOT and I didn't have much support and felt I had no clue what I was doing. I was mostly terrified of and for her (bad PPA). But being able to think back to that rush when she was born was quite reassuring. We got through the difficult early months and now she's the light of my life, my absolute everything.

Not with dc1 but it was a long and traumatic birth and I was just petrified (I’d never even held a baby before and now I was responsible for this tiny little thing) but it knew I would do anything to protect them and I did love them- it just wasn’t a huge overwhelming rush of love like I hear other people describe. I also remember at some point about 4 days after birth just holding and looking down at then and feeling the rush then. I’m absolutely besotted with them now so I don’t feel any guilt about it. I think I was just in shock and out of my depth.

I did feel it immediately and unmistakably with dc2 but it was a quick easy labour and I felt relaxed and in control, I also knew what I was doing and I was a confident mum by then. Not sure if that helped but I think it did.

I genuinely love both equally.

I felt amazement that this little creature had been in my body, and now here she was. But no rush of love. Just tenderness.

The love grew over the first couple of weeks. By the two week check, I had to clench my hands behind my back to stop myself pulling my GP off her, when he checked her clicky hips and it made her cry!

Sorry@BearHuntAgain , I've no idea why your post was quoted in mine. I didn't do anything to intentionally quote it!

No not straight away. I was hiiiiigh as a kite on gas and air, pre eclamptic, had screamed through the last 2 hours of my 4 hour labour and was just knackered.

I went really cold and into a bit of shock afterwards which dropped my son's temperature so I was more focused on making sure he was well practically (I'm a midwife) and getting into a bath to warm myself up.

It was probably once we'd settled into a room for the night, he was asleep, my husband was asleep, that I looked at them both and felt the rush of love you're describing.

I'm now 20 weeks pregnant and hoping for a calmer birth where I'm more aware of my surroundings this time. If that does happen I'm interested to see if I feel that rush of love and endorphins when not so high on Entonox 🤣

No.

DD1. They put her on my belly, I looked at her, umbilical cord still connected and I thought 'She's too big to be my child'. TBF she was a big baby and DH and I are both short. She's now 16 and very short and a size 0 so her being a big baby was indeed an anomally. Loving her was definitely a slow burn but she's one of my top 3 humans now, I'm dreading her leaving home.

DD2. No obvious rush of love but her birth was very straightforward, I experienced 'spontaneous pushing' (or backward vomiting as I described it, I had no control over it), she was a very good feeder straight away and I was home for tea. I remember at day 3 that even though the baby blues hit and I was weepy I was still very happy and chilled (weird but true). The MW made me go through the Edinburgh questionnaire and I scored zero, I was so very content. She was such an easy baby and put herself in a routine by day 6. She was a very easy baby to love so I was delighted with her very quickly.

DS. Born prematurely and very fast. Again, no rush of love but probably because I was so concerned about him before he was born. I was very happy to have him here and knew our family was complete as soon as he was born. But I mainly remember being anxious about his health during his first few years (he has chronic health conditions that were not well controlled when he was young so we spent a lot of time in hospital).

ETA: DD1 has pointed out I am the least sentimental person she knows and when a situation is potentially 'high emotion' or high stakes I become even more analytical and practical than normal. So that may or may not explain my reactions to giving birth.

No. Not a rush as such but I loved them both instantly.