Did you feel a rush of love when your child was born?

[RedRobyn2021]

My mum always talked about this rush of love that she had when I was born

When I had my daughter, she was a bit late by 12 days and I had pressure put on me to have an induction which I refused, but the anxiety ruined the end of the pregnancy for me.

I gave birth to her at home and birthed her in water, I was really dehydrated I think and a bit spaced when she was born. I remember the first thing I thought was, "you don't look like how I thought you would". She was crying so I reassured her that it was me and everything was ok. But I did not have a rush of love.

I don't feel any guilt or shame about this, it must be normal or I wouldn't have felt that way.

Just interested to hear other women's experiences really. I'm pregnant again and intrigued to see if I get the rush this time

No, I think I was more in a sort of state of shock for a few hours 🤣

I didn't get a rush of love, but I deeply loved my babies before they were born. When they were born, it was just like I was finally getting to meet the person I'd already loved for so long - I remember when my eldest was born the first thing I felt was more of a "huh, THIS is what you look like!" kind of thing.

I don't feel like I missed out, I'm glad it went as it did for me.

Yes! This is also how I felt

My DS was born by c section while I was under general anaesthetic. When he was handed to me I was still loopy from the anaesthetic, and periodically vomiting. I remember being very relieved he was alive, and I was sure from the off that I loved him, but I think I’d missed my shot at the overwhelming endorphin rush. It didn’t affect our bond at all.

Yes. I had a hard pregnancy and assumed I wouldn't as by the end I only cared about it being over but the instant I held him a few hours after he was born the entire world changed. It was like being tipped into a parallel universe where everything looked the same but had a golden thread running through it. His dad had met him before I got to as I had to be stabilised first so he just watched and filmed it and you can see it happening on my face.

How magical

Not with dd - I was haemorrhaging and was basically floating away. They put her on the bed by me while they were trying to stop the bleeding and I can remember thinking “I’ve had a baby. I would quite like to look at her. All I have to do is move my head a bit and open my eyes.” And then I realised I couldn’t do either of those things.

When the doctors started to sound a bit panicky and I was feeling really floaty I remember thinking “I think I might be dying. It’s ok - I’ve had the baby.”

So I guess I did love her even then. But not in a rush feeling.

With ds it was a much easier birth and I did love him straight away.

God I'm so sorry

What caused the haemorrhaging? How did you manage to overcome the trauma to have another baby?

I didn’t get a rush of love but I knew that I loved her and that she was mine. I told her that I had never loved anyone as much - and meant it.

I used to go clubbing and people likened the feeling to “coming up on pills”, it wasn’t.

It truly felt magical

I had pre-eclampsia so I guess it wasn't straightforward but some people's definitions.

But it truly felt magical

Yes. With both. I was so happy to have a daughter.

And then I had another daughter. And was elated to have two!

Loved them from the second I held them!

In many ways yes

She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen

But

My abuser was in the room and she needed some extra care for something and i remember screaming when he wheeled her out of the room

I wanted to tell everyone he had beat my all through the pregnancy so my mind was happy and messed up for want of a better way of describing it 🤦🏼‍♀️🤮🤮

Yes with both of my children

Not immediately for either child. They were huge babies and because I chose not to have any pain relief, I was far too shocked to feel anything. The rush of love came a few hours later!

Not immediately for either child. They were huge babies and because I chose not to have any pain relief, I was far too shocked to feel anything. The rush of love came a few hours later!

This!

Yes - it was pure joy - never had it before or since

Not with DD1, long labour, spinal block and forceps in theatre. Yes with DD2 who I squeezed out with no pain relief. Such different experiences, same great bond with both babies.

With my second and third I did. My first I just felt so tired and sore took a few hours for me to come round.,

No, just tired after a bit of a drawn out week and labour, i felt happier when i managed to stop vomiting!

I love him so much now i could squeeze him til he pops but it took me a few days to get over the shock and let the feelings come through.

Dd yes - but her birth was super easy...

I was shattered. I just remember thinking there was a baby I had to look after till there mother came for them! I’ve had 3 children and I wouldn’t describe it that way. I’ve never struggled to love them but I don’t think I’ve had a rush of love!

Not a rush of love but tears of relief. I would associate a ‘rush of love’ as something different to the feeling one has for their child; my love for my children isn’t a ‘rush’ it’s a deeper, more permanent sense of certainty and ‘oneness’. It’s not transient or in a rush. It just ‘is’ so when they were finally here it just felt wonderful to know they were ok but my love for them was like a sense of having always been there so wasn’t a shock or surprise and hasn’t ever wavered or been in doubt. So no, not guilt for not feeling that feeling as it suggests one should and I don’t believe that’s what love necessarily feels like.

With DD1 I felt an immediate need to protect her and keep her safe but the love came over the first week…it felt like falling love in a way I had never experienced before. I couldn’t stop crying every time I looked at her gor a while … it was as if I couldn’t contain all the emotions that I was feeling in my body & it was spilling out of my eyes 😂 It was entirely different with DD2 - just 18 months later. Apparently the neural pathways were created with DD1 so it didn’t feel so overwhelming or unusual.

Absolutely. Both times.

No. Severe PND meant I didn't feel a connection or love for her until about 5/6 months 😢 still heartbroken about that now

DC1 - no, and I still have to work at it 11 years later
DC2 - overwhelmingly (and it’s what triggered me to realise that how I felt re DC1 wasn’t ‘normal’)