When did you first leave baby?

[FloralMoon]

Hi all, I’m a first time Mum to our beautiful son and wondering when people tend to leave them for a little while?

He’s EBF (although the first few weeks I was exclusively pumping and bottle feeding - it was a journey but we got here!)
In my antenatal group for example, there are quite a few couples who’ve had lunches/dinners out, spa sessions, hairdresser appointments, ‘drinks with the girls’ etc. even overnights, and left baby with grandparents during this time. Even some friends of ours attended a wedding/overnight stay without their baby when their little one was 9 weeks old.

I’m definitely not wanting to do that at all at this point - I simply don’t want to not be with my baby.
The main reason I ask is that my hubby and I have a special anniversary when baby will be 4.5 months old and my Mum has offered to babysit for a few hours so we can go out for dinner. She is a lovely Grandma and wouldn’t be worried about him being in her care at all - only that he’s never not been with me.

I can pump/we have a freezer full of milk so the feeding isn’t a problem necessarily but equally he is now used to bf and it won’t be the same feeding/comfort experience for him.

On the other side I think it’s important to have a date night and a bit of time ‘adult time’ as a couple to ensure our relationship still has time made especially for it.

Basically I’m on the fence. I’m feeling like 4.5 months is too young to not be with Mum - but it’s literally for maybe 3 hours, good for our relationship and I’m probably overthinking it?! I guess it’s one of those different for everyone things…

At about 4 or 5 months I started leaving him with a babysitter once a week for 90 minutes. We were only at the end of the road, so I could be back in a moment if needed.

The reason was that DH and I were arguing all the time. We were stressed and ratty, and it was hard to remember that we loved each other when in the sleepless trenches of early parenthood.

We decided on going out for a coffee or a drink once a week to talk to each other about something other than the baby, the house or our points of contention. Just to be around each other as adults not parents for an hour or so.

It did us the world of good. And the baby rarely even noticed, and certainly didn’t seem to care.

@SpiderGwen love that idea!!

It explains a lot.

The reality of having children is often much different than what you think it would be like.

Didn't have a proper night out without DD1 until she was about 8 months old. Mixed fed from birth due to weight issues but once we started weaning she became a complete bottle refuser just in time for me to return to work with frequent overseas trips. Very stressful and she had to go completely cold turkey in the end.

So I wouldn't assume that she will play ball that's all but 4.5 months if she has a bottle regularly should be fine. Go out and enjoy it. You and your husband/partner need time together solo too. It's too easy for everything to revolve around your newborn and for your relationship to suffer.

Thanks!

The reality of the first year of a baby’s life is that it strains even the happiest of couples. Few people tell you that in time to make preparations.

The realisation of the working parent (usually the dad) that weekends are no longer times of relaxation can take a loooooong time to properly sink in, for example. Walk through the door, be handed baby by frazzled looking partner who then vanishes for a shower or a nap or a cry, no disappearing to play video games or football or whatever.

For the primary caregiver, not resenting the hours of quiet adult interaction and wearing clothes not covered in baby sick and “deciding to have a drink after work because X is leaving” when you haven’t had a cuppa not go cold in a fortnight can be hard too.

The other life looks so much easier when you’re deep in the early months.

I’d been with DH over 10 years when we decided to have children, so I knew I loved him. I just needed space to remember it 😉

I left my baby at about six weeks for a couple hours to visit my DH in hospital. I left him with a friend, and just timed it between feeds. I wouldn't have done it if wasn't under those circumstances.
I did go out every day - first out was to an outdoor restaurant for lunch when baby was four days old! I think we probably did go out to dinner a few times (I would put the baby to bed first though) and I guess my parents must have minded him. Other than the hospital visit I didn't leave him during the day til he was five months old and I returned to work.

5 weeks old. I started leaving him with a local childminder for a few hours once a week to help me catch up on sleep. I had no family nearby to call on and was close to hallucinating from lack of sleep.

At 11 months he went to nursery 2 days a week.

Thank you

My daughter was 2 before she was left with me or my partner without us in the house. She had been looked after by relatives whilst we were working in the house.
My daughter has 20 food allergies and reflux and takes 3+ medications daily. She was born through the pandemic and we continued with a semi socially distanced life until the end of 2021/ beginning of 2022 due to a family member undergoing treatment for stage 4 cancer. We weren't living a lockdown life but going out for a meal or to the pub and risk making our relative ill didn't seem worth it. I also had pnd and it took until 2 to recover and socialising was beyond my ability.
We went out for a meal for our anniversary when she was 3 which was the first time I left her with a non grandparent. My sister watched her, to avoid the stress of her being fed we went with a 2pm late lunch so we could feed her before we went and were back before she needed dinner. We have taken the afternoon off work before and gone out for lunch then.
For us we would rather have an afternoon out and not be worrying about food and meds if we went out in the evenings. We have a very small pool of trusted babysitters so we have to work with their availability.
It's good to find ways to feel comfortable leaving them and you have to do what is right for you even if it's not quite the same as others or what you would have done before. It was 6 months before a relative could hold my daughter whilst I had a slurp of tea! It's just the baby I had! It's not impacted the relationship she has with extended family!