When did you first leave baby?

[FloralMoon]

Hi all, I’m a first time Mum to our beautiful son and wondering when people tend to leave them for a little while?

He’s EBF (although the first few weeks I was exclusively pumping and bottle feeding - it was a journey but we got here!)
In my antenatal group for example, there are quite a few couples who’ve had lunches/dinners out, spa sessions, hairdresser appointments, ‘drinks with the girls’ etc. even overnights, and left baby with grandparents during this time. Even some friends of ours attended a wedding/overnight stay without their baby when their little one was 9 weeks old.

I’m definitely not wanting to do that at all at this point - I simply don’t want to not be with my baby.
The main reason I ask is that my hubby and I have a special anniversary when baby will be 4.5 months old and my Mum has offered to babysit for a few hours so we can go out for dinner. She is a lovely Grandma and wouldn’t be worried about him being in her care at all - only that he’s never not been with me.

I can pump/we have a freezer full of milk so the feeding isn’t a problem necessarily but equally he is now used to bf and it won’t be the same feeding/comfort experience for him.

On the other side I think it’s important to have a date night and a bit of time ‘adult time’ as a couple to ensure our relationship still has time made especially for it.

Basically I’m on the fence. I’m feeling like 4.5 months is too young to not be with Mum - but it’s literally for maybe 3 hours, good for our relationship and I’m probably overthinking it?! I guess it’s one of those different for everyone things…

I started leaving mine at about 2 weeks for dinner out etc, 6 weeks for overnights, 12 weeks to go back to work and 6 months for weekends away.

I haven’t left mine for longer than a few hours with my partner yet and she is 9 months old 😆 I know some people probably think I should have by now, but everyone is different and it’s up to you what you feel comfortable with. I’m sure my baby would be fine but I haven’t wanted to be apart from her for long. We do have a wedding this weekend so I am forced to leave her for the day!

At 5 months I was back at work, so I left her 10 hours a day from then on (with plentiful supplies of pumped milk).

She had never had a bottle until then, and never took one from me, but was happy to take one for the childminder.

Mine was 3 months when I left him with his Nan, as I had to go back to work full time

4 weeks for a few hours to go out with DH for a meal

From 6 weeks overnight once a month with GPs

EBF baby who'd happily take bottles of EBM

What about the time you are at work?

Around 8 weeks for a very local and short evening out. 12 months for an overnight when she stayed with my mum. It's so personal, go with whatever is right for you, but I think it can be helpful to plan something and push yourself to do it at some point otherwise it becomes habit not to!

I left my baby for an hour or 2 very early, I won't even say how early. Overnight I can't remember the first night but I defo had a night out when they were 2 and half months, I think that was the first overnight. Everything went fine! (I FF though so appreciate that is different to your situation!)

But anyway.... it doesn't matter what I or anyone else did, it's up to you when you feel comfortable. But I will say, you are probably never going to feel an overwhelming "yes I'm fully ready to leave them now" feeling if that's what you are waiting for. You will probably have to push yourself a little no matter when you choose to leave them.

A special anniversary seems like a nice time to do it, it'll be nice to make time for each other as a couple!

I won’t go back to work until she is 13 months ☺️

Believe me by baby number two and three you will be asking your mum to have them after a few weeks !!

Id never leave my baby with anyone not even school.

There's no right or wrong but I think spending time on your relationship is vital and if you have the chance of an evening out and some couple time I'd jump at it. I also think it's lovely for babies to form bonds with grandparents and a few hours at 4 months is nothing.

To answer your question, we first left ours at 10 days old just to go have a meal and then at 3 weeks old we went to a comedy gig. I first left him overnight at 7 weeks with my DH when I went to a gig 3 hours away and then he did his first overnight with grandparents at 3 months. I have absolutely no guilt doing any of these things. The break away was essential for me and have things to look forward for myself, made me a better mum.

i don't think there is a set rule, its needs to be when you are ready. my DD's are mid 20's now, and my first child i did not let 'stay over' with anyone or have her 'baby sat' until she was 2 years old!

My DD is now a mum herself, and her baby is just comine up 4 months, she is suffering very badly with PND and PTSD and i am helping out as much as i can and I hae GC almost daily for an hour or 2 so she can sleep and we have also had him overnight almost monthly!.

The difference is, i had no support.. and thats why i do so much for my DD because having a baby is hard, and you need support! but its still YOUR babym thereofre YOUR rules, and tough to anyone who doesnt like it.

Babies are basically potatos. They wiggle around but you need to move them about yourself. They aren’t independent and need someone to do literally everything for them. They also have emotional needs and the need to be connected to their mother all of the time. I don’t think you should be leaving a baby alone

They aren’t babies when they go to school but four years olds.

Still wouldent do it id miss all the snuggles.
School can wait.
At 4 they are still babies there not even 60 months still toddlers really.

I don’t think you should be leaving a baby alone

🙄🙄 @ZanyPombear Shes not heading out with her DH and leaving the baby home alone... the baby will be with a loving grandparent!

I think 3 hours is fine, can you find a restaurant close by your mums? Or yours if you mum comes to you? I always found psychologically if it wasn’t far/I could get bc in 10 mins if needed I felt better

this made me smile my DD calls her baby a 'pototo'

Where on earth is it written in any literature or any theory that babies need to be with their mothers at all time? She isn't leaving her baby alone. She's leaving her with her competent mum who I assume has plenty of experience with babies.

If we really want to get to the nit and grit of it, evolutionary we wouldn't have survived as species if we didn't have people to help us look after babies. In hunter gatherer times babies have from birth being looked after by a range of caregivers so that mums could rest and go out to eat.

It's these type of comments, that shame mums (but not dad's of course) into thinking that they must spend every waking minute with their baby whilst neglecting their own needs that help fuel the rise in PND. Comments that have absolutely no evidence base to them whatsoever.

OP, your baby will be absolutely fine. A few hours is not going to impact your bond the tiniest bit.

A few trial runs and then she was at nursery FT from 4.5 months as I wanted to go back to work. She's turned out fine.

My son is 15 months old and I’ve only left him once for a whole day for a spa session that my husband bought me for my birthday. It was shortly after he turned one. Although I regularly go out to walk the dog for about an hour in the morning when he’s still asleep before my husband leaves for work. I started doing that when he was a newborn. He’s breastfed and still pretty reliant on it for getting to sleep so it’s difficult to leave him for more than a few hours. And I’m a SAHM with a husband who works long hours and have no help from family. Most of the time there’s no one to watch him.

I’m currently feeding my DD (11 months):

just a different POV, I felt like I had to leave DD to go out with the girls/date nights etc etc as everyone else was. BUT, I never felt like it was the right time. Everyone kept giving me ‘reassurance’ that it would be fine/wanting to babysit/good for us both.

Now DD Is a bit older I’ll leave her between feeds to nip to an appointment/family take her out to the park but as she’s been EBF it’s just been easier for us to take her with us.

Sometimes I feel there’s too much pressure aimed at us mums to want to leave our babies. It’s ok if you don’t want to leave her right now. There’s lots of ways to spend quality time with DH without being separated from your DD. We go out for dinner at least once a week and take DD. We deliberately got DD used to being able to sleep in her pram/being out as we quite often take her to the local quiz/pub/restaurants/weekend away/hair dressers/museums/family parties etc.

Babies definitely don’t need to be connected to their mother at all times.

No they aren’t. A 4 year old is a child, not a toddler.

Holding your child back because you want ‘snuggles’ is selfish.