When did you first leave baby?

[FloralMoon]

Hi all, I’m a first time Mum to our beautiful son and wondering when people tend to leave them for a little while?

He’s EBF (although the first few weeks I was exclusively pumping and bottle feeding - it was a journey but we got here!)
In my antenatal group for example, there are quite a few couples who’ve had lunches/dinners out, spa sessions, hairdresser appointments, ‘drinks with the girls’ etc. even overnights, and left baby with grandparents during this time. Even some friends of ours attended a wedding/overnight stay without their baby when their little one was 9 weeks old.

I’m definitely not wanting to do that at all at this point - I simply don’t want to not be with my baby.
The main reason I ask is that my hubby and I have a special anniversary when baby will be 4.5 months old and my Mum has offered to babysit for a few hours so we can go out for dinner. She is a lovely Grandma and wouldn’t be worried about him being in her care at all - only that he’s never not been with me.

I can pump/we have a freezer full of milk so the feeding isn’t a problem necessarily but equally he is now used to bf and it won’t be the same feeding/comfort experience for him.

On the other side I think it’s important to have a date night and a bit of time ‘adult time’ as a couple to ensure our relationship still has time made especially for it.

Basically I’m on the fence. I’m feeling like 4.5 months is too young to not be with Mum - but it’s literally for maybe 3 hours, good for our relationship and I’m probably overthinking it?! I guess it’s one of those different for everyone things…

Unless you’re home schooling, it can’t wait. I don’t know any four year olds who are toddlers! DT’s were more than ready for school by then. Helped probably from being at nursery.

Yes but they're still so small and cuddly and need to be at home so i dont miss a thing.
I dont think its selfish i think it lovely .

How isn’t it selfish? It’s all about what you want.

So you’ll be homesnuggling?

11 months to go to a Christmas party. Was not ready before then.

Homesnuggling sounds fun with books and toys whats not to love about it.
Spending all my time with the kids.

My son was 4 weeks old when he had his first sleep over at grans, we had just spent a week in the hospital and all needed a good sleep. Then at 6 months went back to my orchestra so he had a weekly sleep over at my mother in laws. Now it's every second Friday as my husbanda rotas set up like that.

My son was EBF then heavily reliant on the boob even when he started weaning. We first left him with my parents for 7 hrs 5pm-midnight as we were guests of honour at a function so if we hadn't gone we would've been missed, when he was 9 months old. I personally didn't leave him overnight until he was sleeping through so when he was about 15 months old I think 🤔 but my husband worked away a lot and would frequently be gone overnight

I had my third child in May. She was 3 weeks old when left with my mum for a day whilst I spent time out with older two.

First sleepover at my mums around 5-6 weeks old

• my others were similar ages too.

All bottle fed.

For how long?

As long as they need me i would think.
Theirs just so much i would not want to miss out on they dont stay small for long and wouldnt miss a thing.
My children could live at home forever and i wouldnt charge them rent either.

You must be wealthy to not have to work to support the day-long snuggling with your school age children.

What about what they miss out on? It sounds smothering.

Im very well off yes.
But no kids i could never have them but i really wanted them so very much.
And all the things that come with being a mum some are just so lucky to have them.
I just dont think i could let mine out my sight.
I wanted 4 but it was not to be.
So i guess i just type out what i would do.
Never miss a snuggle a hug story time muddy puddles bug catching the whole lot.

@SouthLondonMum22
@LumionaMoonsplash
Above post should explain it.

A couple of days old to go to tesco alone. For any length of time it was 13 weeks old, when I returned to work.

My youngst was left two hours in my mother's care at 6 weeks. We went to the cinema 10 min walk away. We lived abroad and she visited us. We took advantage of having a babysitter. I was fine with it.
I don't remember with the oldest two. I suppose it was later.

You are overthinking it Op. new experiences are generally good for babies, expanding neural pathways, with a kind a reassuring relative, and comfort and food.

I had to leave them as I had to go to work and I also had to exercise, to be healthy. I was back at work by six weeks with each baby, and they we cared for by a mix of people, and were breastfed, and are happy rounded kids.

It took me til 10 months and that was literally just because of the Eras tour lol would have taken me longer otherwise. But I totally think you should do it!! Now she’s starting nursery and so clingy, won’t even put up with dad which is a problem as I work nights. So I’ve concluded it’s actually a really positive thing to be left with other people!

Husband and I left our daughter with my mum (who was staying with us) when she was two days old as we needed to pick up some baby bits from the shops. We were only gone a few hours.

@greenshade
I'm a bit lost by your comments then the drip feed of you don't have kids 🤷🏼‍♀️

Everyone is so different. There is no right or wrong.

I personally left mine at 1.5 months for an overnight and regretted it so much. I didn't let him go again until he was about 8/9 months.

I have a stepson that lives with us and doesn't see his mum so I am the only mum he knows. I ended up booking legoland for us to try and prove to him I still loved him just as much even now I had a biological child (had some comments from in laws and stuff about it). My mum also kept offering and saying she went back to work at 6 weeks with me and he would be fine.

I was EBF apart from maybe 1 bottle a week when my husband would feed him but was never able to pump any more than about an ounce, no idea why.

I spent the 24 hours miserable, missing him so much, feeling like a terrible mum, like part of me was missing, in pain with my boobs. I knew he was safe and loved. I was never worried about him. It just felt so wrong to be away from him.

Do what is right for you. Not what you feel societal pressures urge you to do. Once I felt truly ready I was fine when he went overnight . He is 10 now and stays regularly with both grandparents and my step son doesn't even remember that legoland trip.

I'm very sorry you don't have children but you have absolutely no idea of the reality of raising children.

Children aren't pets you keep at home for as long as possible just so you can have snuggles. Four year olds aren't babies. They have needs that can't be met just solely being at home with their mum for as long as possible. This narrative that children and mothers must always be together, never seperated is both harmful for children and mums. Children need skills to be independent and we do them a disservice for not allowing them too. We aren't designed to bring up children in isolation and that mums should do while loving it and not want a break is so determinate to their wellbeing.

I'm aware I'm off topic but I hate that mums are guilt tripped for wanting some time to themselves.

I can't remember exactly but I think it was a few months in. We had parents nearby and DC was a pretty easy baby to be left with for a bit.

@Everleybear
I agree 100% with you, all too often here on MN it's pushed to be the norm never to leave a child until they're 5,6 or ever.
Being a mum doesn't mean giving up your whole life and martyring yourself for a child and those who do have a social life, hobbies are scorned.
There's been many posts where OP has gave up on everything including self care, their relationship; then it's woe is me my marriage is falling apart.
The argument of they're only young for such a short time works the other way; you neglect everything for 16/18 years then off they go without a thought for you and you've a lifetime to manage without them.
I have raised 4DC, now 19-30 and never have I felt sad, guilty at doing things without them.

My son was 15 months old when I left him my sisters son was 2 days old, it really depends on when you feel ready