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Original poster

4 on for 4 off custody split

54 replies

Gabriela001 · 07/09/2024 08:02

Hi, me and my husband are splitting up and the last thing I want is to take my son away from his dad, but equally, I want my time with him too. I offered 50/50 split, where 4 days I've got our son and 4 days he has him. But I have just done spreadsheets to organize that and It just feels so wrong, having to move him around during the school week etc. But then splitting for 7 days each seems too much time away from him. He is only 4 and just started reception. How do you organize 50/50 splits?

OP posts:
SleepGoalsJumped · 03/11/2024 18:44

@Swavsav you definitely have the right to some level of predictability so that you can make plans for things that you know he can't spoil by demanding the children come to him when you were expecting them to be with you. However the courts cannot and will not enforce him having them for more than he wants them and he can leave them with you for any and all days that "should" have been "his" days.

When he has them it needs to be for a full 24 hrs - dumping them on you at 7:30 for you to do the school run is not fair on you or them.

Your suggestion that he has them for the middle 2 days of each 4-day-off break (so 2/12) is reasonable but be prepared to accept that he simply won't take them any time those 2 days intersect with something he'd rather be doing.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 03/11/2024 18:45

I split with dd's dad when she was 5. He worked 3 on 3 off shifts so when we split followed his shift pattern. This worked until his shifts changed last year. We now do Mon to Wed wed to fri and then eow.

Dd has never had an issue with it, it's never been an issue with changing in the school week or the rotating pattern that the 3 on 3 off gave.

If you want ds to have stability then do alternate weeks

Original poster
Gabriela001 · 04/11/2024 07:45

Swavsav · 03/11/2024 18:35

Hi Mums
I am in a similar situation. Me and my ex split after 11 years together. We have two daughters (5 and 22 months). He moved out in February and since he moved out, he has been taking them random nights here and there. He works 4 on (which is 2 dayshifts 8am to 6pm, followed by 2 nightshifts 6pm to 8am) then he has 4 days off before the cycle again. He also gets 18 days off about 5x a year.
When I've been asking him when he's seeing the girls, it's always random days and rarely two consecutive nights. Sometimes it's after his dayshift, so after 6pm, and by then, I've still had to do the school and nursery run, feed them and then pack a bag. Sometimes he takes them before dayshift and drops them off at 7:30am meaning I need to do the school and nursery drop off. I work full time too.
When he's "scheduling" nights with the girls, he always looks at when Celtic are playing first and never misses a game. He also never ever has to ask for a babysitter as he simply pencils in when he's taking the girls. He literally isn't taking them one weekend until end of December, even tho he isn't working a weekend shift until then!
My whole life evolved around him when we were together and now it is the same and I can't live my life like that.
I suggested he takes the girls his middle two days/nights of his 4 off and that way, it's not set nights each week but it's a routine and I'll know where I stand and don't need to ask him when he's taking the girls. We are going round in circles because of his lack of responsibility for the girls. I've suggested mediation and if that doesn't work then my lawyer is on standby. Just wondering if anyone is in a similar position and what you have agreed with the other parent??
Thanks in advance x

So update from me. 4on4 didn't work at all. My ex didn't want to do the 2 days a week plus alternative weekends either. He wanted to have only weekends, but not all of them with no notice for me. He'd just let me know whatever he pleased. Oh did I mention the 4 days he supposed to have the child. He was leaving him at night at grandparents ( he works night shifts) so obviously didn't do his part. I got fed up and kept child with me permanently, waiting for court order. With some characters that just need to be done. You don't need solicitatior you can do self application for £250 and at least with court order you'd have clear schedule and not bother to work around someone who doesn't want to cooperate.

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ProfessorInkling · 04/11/2024 08:42

Sorry it’s been hard for you @Gabriela001 - but you sound amazing and exactly what your son needs Flowers

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