Calling LO names

[RayOfSunxx]

I need some advice please.
My partner and I are from different countries. He is from Ireland and his entire family lives in Ireland - we live overseas.
The issue I am having is the way him and his family address our newborn.
I know the Irish have a crude way to express themselves sometimes and it’s not meant in a harmful way. I don’t mind them swearing but I have a real issue that this is done towards my newborn.
Examples how they adress LO are: little shit, motherfcker, little fcker
They don’t shout at LO and it’s meant in a funny way, ‘How are you, you little sh*t?’ But I absolutely hate it. I find it so disrespectful.

My partner obviously sees no issue as his parents behaved that way towards him too when he was little. He thinks I am surpressing his culture for asking him to not do it. He doesn’t do it all the time tbf but his side of the family does it almost every time they engage with LO.

I’m Irish and find this quite common/normal but I don’t like it either and wouldn’t allow it! I know uncles, aunties, godparents etc. who address the kids as little shits or little dickheads, little c u next Tuesdays. Must say motherfucker is a new one though!

Honestly, it really makes me want to keep them away from my LO. Babies are innocent little souls - it’s disturbing to me to ‘poison’ them with words this way.

I sometimes called mine names like "Screemy McPoop-pants" or "little horror" when they were too little to understand, but I wouldn't be comfortable with someone swearing at a child/baby. Some of the examples you've given sound overly aggressive to me, even if not shouted.

I'm Irish too and wouldn't dream of using this language to a child. None of my family would. If it's his culture then it's among his own family and friend group. It's not a widespread Irish thing. I'd hate it too OP.

We do tend to be more a bit more relaxed about swearing compared to some places, but not around small children usually. But this probably does depend on your social group. It's not correct to think speaking like this to babies/children is an Irish custom or Irish culture though because it's not widespread in Ireland in my experience anyway.

My dad's side of the family are all Irish - none of them would speak like this. It's not his culture, it's his family - tell them straight not to speak to or about your child that way.

My family are Irish and noone has ever done this or anyrhing like it. Tell them bluntly to stop swearing at your child. Dont look away or apologise, you don't need to.

That's horrible.
I know several Irish people and they don't talk to their children like that! Are you sure it's just not his family?

I'm married to an Irishman, that's not their culture at all. If anything they are more loving an affectionate than the British as we can be a bit stiff when it comes to feelings!

They just sound like awful people

That is not an Irish cultural thing, op

That’s not an Irish thing. It’s a your DH thing.

Also Irish and living in Ireland and no, it's not a thing.
Yes I might call my adult brother a fecker or say "hey bitches" to my adult friends. No way does anyone I know use terms like that to address or talk about babies.

I know a few large Irish families and none of them speak to each other like that, infact it’s the total opposite where they’re very polite and wouldn’t dream of swearing in front of elders or children.

I’m Irish and this is definitely not our culture. Your husband’s family sound very rough.

Sorry no you aren't suppressing anything. I'm Irish, live in Ireland and am married to an Irish man and I never call my kids those names, neither has he. His family are just weirdos

To counteract the nay sayers...My (Irish) SIL's family are exactly like this and being the youngest sibling by 20 years (so young when she and bro met) it was me who was referred to like this. My parents had a "no swearing" rule and were mocked for it. Told it's just how everyone is in Ireland (Leitrim). My DNs are closer in age to me than my brother and I are and they were treated the same way. A wider pattern of being generally dragged up to be honest. We never managed to find a solution and were always treated like we were "uptight" and needed to chill out. PPs have joked about the child's first words being "motherfucker" but my DNs were saying "fuck" words from being tiny...and the N word!

Your partner obviously got out to better himself. Sometimes when you get out, you can't go back. I see you distancing from this, do what's best for your families progression. These will never change.

Irish mam here, and I've never heard family or friends speak this way towards anyone's baby or kids.
It's not a cultural thing. It's his family.
I would be disgusted if anyone spoke to my baby like that.
Your baby deserves respect, and speak up for you baby, tell them not to call your baby these names.
Its not funny and it's not nice.

Culture: I will arise and go now and fuck off to Innisfree?🙄

I’m Irish and this is not cultural at all? I’ve never once experienced it ever towards a small baby?! Lads chatting to each other in the maybe and even then only particular people tend to do it! It’s really odd.

I know a lot of Irish people and this doesn’t ring true. They might be a bit crude with their mates or in the pub like anyone else, but I’ve not known people referring to their children like this.

Maybe say that you worry about the baby picking up the language.

I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure "motherf*cker" is not an expression which originates in Ireland, so the cultural excuse doesn't even really ring true.

Where you aware of this issue before the kid came along or after? Not saying it right but if you are aware this is how they address other kids in the family what did you expect or is your child the first child they have contact with therefore unsure how to relate to children
Not being funny just more info on how they address others would be good

I took my husband to Dublin for a short break a few years ago, for his 50th birthday. I couldn’t believe just how many people there said ‘feck/fecking’, sometimes multiple times in one sentence and I hated it. I realised it was the ‘norm’ there but it actually made me angry, there’s just no need for swearing in everyday conversations.
I’d definitely tell your husband’s family that you don’t want your child to be spoken about/to in that way. It may be their culture but it’s not yours and you shouldn’t have to hear it OP.

I'm half Irish and from an absolutely huge Irish family (my dad is youngest of 14) and none of my family speak like this. Absolutely not ok.

They sound vile, I wouldn't be visiting them