Calling LO names

[RayOfSunxx]

I need some advice please.
My partner and I are from different countries. He is from Ireland and his entire family lives in Ireland - we live overseas.
The issue I am having is the way him and his family address our newborn.
I know the Irish have a crude way to express themselves sometimes and it’s not meant in a harmful way. I don’t mind them swearing but I have a real issue that this is done towards my newborn.
Examples how they adress LO are: little shit, motherfcker, little fcker
They don’t shout at LO and it’s meant in a funny way, ‘How are you, you little sh*t?’ But I absolutely hate it. I find it so disrespectful.

My partner obviously sees no issue as his parents behaved that way towards him too when he was little. He thinks I am surpressing his culture for asking him to not do it. He doesn’t do it all the time tbf but his side of the family does it almost every time they engage with LO.

Oh my life I would struggle with this too

honestly, I’d speak to them and your husband and say it’s not sitting well with you, how you find it disrespectful because culturally for you it’s not the norm and you won’t be bringing your child up with language like that.

set some boundaries? SO sorry

No I wouldn’t be happy with this because even though he is just a baby now they will carry on doing it and the kid will learn that this is an ok way to speak. And little kids swearing is just gross.

I wouldn't be happy with this. You need to address it now.

Ugh. "Culture". Speaking to people (or even animals) like that is disrespectful and potentially setting up abusive thoughts and relationships. I wouldn't let someone say that to my dogs because it's not okay to speak abusively about those that don't understand and can't respond.

Have your husband ask a reasonable person (not his odd family or friends) if they think it's okay to address your children like this. Can teachers also do this ("in a funny way")? What about strangers? Of course not.

Culture? That’s just swearing, first word could be “motherfucker” then. Charming.
I’d hit the roof, I would never swear around a child who is going to repeat it over and over (not yet obvs, but they will as they grow). DM once said “bugger” in front of DD. She tried to get her mind off it but no, DD was repeating it over and over the rest of the day! Did laugh at the time, I admit.

Ask your DH to have a word.

I am Irish and I don’t know anyone in my friend or family circle who does this. I would just make that stop.

Same here. Sorry OP but them trying to frame it as culture is bollix. Yes I think swearing in general is pretty universal over here (and unfortunately around children. I always try to modify my language around children.) However, referring to children like that is not a 'cultural norm' nor would it be seen as a normal, lighthearted way to refer to children, particularly in their presence. When they are out of earshot and have done something to annoy the crap out of you, maybe.

What the hell? Absolutely not! Motherfucker?!

I'm Scottish and we do similar but I'm talking about saying to my toddler "wee nyaff" "wee roaster" "wee bisom", always in jest and in play when tickling/play wrestling etc. I wouldn't call him a motherfucker for Christ sake

Culture?! I'm Irish. No one I know does this.

Jesus wept. Read them the riot act. Culture my arse.

I appreciate all the comments. It’s especially interesting to read the input from other Irish people. I don’t know any other Irish bar this family and it’s a HUGE family.

There have often been instances that felt like verbal abuse to me over the years but were excused with ‘That’s how the Irish express affection.’
I can deal with things thrown my way but now that we have a child, I don’t want my LO growing up thinking it’s normal.
I feel a bit gaslit tbh.

The riot act? Google says it’s to do with the British Parliament. Is that the one you are referring to?

Another Irish person here and have never heard anyone refer to their children like this apart from the odd, and imo badly made, TV movie or programme. Your dh and family might be justifying how his family talk but it's definitely not the norm in Ireland.

My grandad is Irish, none of his side of the family have ever spoken to me or my children in such a way...

I think he doesn’t think it’s a big issue cause he has been subjected to this all his life.

I have to have another conversation with him and perhaps even show him this thread. He might not even be aware it’s not the norm.

And re his family I could say ‘We’re not teaching LO this word’ when they say something the next time. Happy to hear other suggestions! It’s really difficult when people making something out to be part of their culture.

Irish here too and nobody I know does this. This would do my head in !

I think swearing is an absolute no no.

My sister has been known as "trouble" since she was about 5. She's number 3 following after 2 goodie two shoes. She's always been a livewire.

My fil has a pet name for daughter that possibly could be "name calling". No swearing only ever said with a smile and affection. It's always the same name too which I think makes a difference and often it's true! It's milder than the "trouble" we used for my sister.

My partner and I have always had affectionate name calling for one another with swearing but since my daughter has been born we don't use them as we don't want her to think that's normal way people talk to one another.

There are absolutely speech habits that are appropriate for adult audiences, ones targeting children and adults audiences with children present. Swearing especially the "big" swearwords listed here should be avoided at all costs and certainly shouldn't be directed at children

Absolutely not o no no.

I ain't not never heard anyone, Irish or otherwise, call a new born or baby or little kid a Mother Fucker.
Nope.

Now dont get me wrong, if you'd typed out an opening post where your OH was calling his kid a "Smelly little bum bum" or "little cheeky sausage" or "little peepee pants" ehtc etc. i wouldn't have an issue..

But fucker, mother fucker etc. seems a few 100 steps too far to me.

Not sure whether this was a genuine question, but anyway in case it was:

'read the riot act does come from British law, but as a saying means something like 'tell them off firmly / strongly, warning of consequences if they continue'

Ah thank you for clarifying! I am not from the UK, so have never heard this expression. :)

Just say "I understand it's your culture (it's not) but it's not mine. Please respect my culture and stop swearing and calling my child names."

Swearing at kids isn’t a culture they sound like scum

That is awful.

We have an Irish branch to our family.

They would never speak to a child like this.

Your partners family sound like absolute scum. Show him this thread and tell him to shut up about ‘culture’ because he is talking nonsense, and that next time he or his family verbally abuse your child you’ll be rethinking whether you want to bring him up with this family in his life.

They sound very cultural, indeed.

Wow DH is Irish and none of his family have spoken to DD like this. They usually just refer to all kids in the family as the wains which took me a while to get used too 😂