Partner says our son’s behaviour isn’t right.

[Sarahxz]

Our son is 3 year old, he won’t get his haircut so I have to try to do. My partner thinks this isn’t right and thinks that our son should just sit and let me cut it. He basically starts raising his voice to ds, holds a towel round him and basically holds him in place. As you can imagine our son kicks off with this and cries, this morning was the same yet he was just holding him down and shouting at him, ds was hysterical shouting help me. Partner shouting at me telling me to just cut it. He lost his temper and let ds go, he proceeded to take away all iPad, turn tv off until he has his hair cut, he says our son isn’t right and his behaviour isn’t normal. He says you should be able to break him then he’ll eventually have it cut.
He’s also due to start nursery next week and I know he’s not going to want to go as he’s been at home with me for 3 years. Partner says they won’t allow him there in the end and he’s a danger to other children tantruming like he is.
He doesn’t like the dentist/ doctors and will tantrum there too but to me it’s normal toddler behaviour, am I wrong?

Show your husband this thread. He is totally wrong, a violent bully and is abusing his child.

I have a normal healthy 16yo boy. He always refused to let me cut his hair. I took him to my hair salon to watch someone having their hair cut when he was 4, and then the barber produced the child booster seat, gave DS a tablet to watch and said 'right, your turn', invited him to climb into the chair and he agreed.

My DS hated the doctor and refused to open his mouth for the dentist - all completely normal.

You need to make it clear to your dh that this is a deal breaker, that you will leave and report his behaviour to social services if he doesn't change his attitude immediately.

Absolutely no-one should treat a child like that. 😡

Acting like a man? Fuck me that's batshit.

OP I think what this comes down to is do you think there is any hope of a sensible and rational conversation about your parenting strategies here? Taking a parent led approach to these things isn't inherently abusive, it's his aggression while doing so that is. If you don't feel like you can talk to him about this then you need to contact one of the above suggestions on how to best manage leaving him.

Christ, it's terrifying that people like you still exist. No wonder there are so many damaged children out there. You're stuck in the Victorian era.

'Acting like a man - you mean acting like an ineffective idiot whose only resource is to get aggressive, turn physical and bully a three year old. You should be utterly ashamed of yourself.

Yep. Hes an abusive prick. "Break him"????What the actual fuck. Leave the bastard.

Your DH is awful, the most influential thing he can do is stop losing his temper around his DS. That might mean tantrums are not as normalised. I'd also be really concerned about his effect on your older DS.

However, "normal" doesn't mean you do nothing about the behaviour. Toddler behaviour stops being normal as they learn things, including how to behave. Can you actually try and deal with it, by asking if he can watch someone getting a haircut at the barber, bribing him with a lolly, finding a child friendly hairdresser. It does sound like it's setting him up to fail the all or nothing way you are doing it.

You doing nothing pales in comparison to the harm your DH is doing, but you did ask about it rather than whether DH is a prick.

It sounds like both your children need this man out of the house. If he wants 50/50 access, make sure you make all concerned fully aware of his views on child rearing.

Why in god’s name are you with a man who doesn’t like your older child, bullies your younger child, and has you so controlled that you think it’s somehow ok?

I’m not one of the LTB brigade; many, many problems in a relationship can be worked through and solved, but abusing your children can’t be. I don’t think I’m being particularly over-dramatic when I say your husband’s behaviour has shades of men who go on to murder their children.

Your husband is a bully.

Well said Meadowfinch.
OP, it's your husband's behaviour that isn't normal. It isn't misandry to point out that someone is being an aggressive bully.
He sounds ignorant, intolerant, controlling and abusive. And unlikely to stop until he's inflicted more misery and aggression upon your little one. Not to mention how he treats your older DS.
Both our Ds's hated having their haircut at that age, also going to the dentist etc. This generally resolves with age. My DS's watched their Dad calmly having his haircut etc.
Your DS is still so small. The idea that he's being physically restrained by your much bigger, angry DH and is in distress is horrible.
DS2 (17 and autistic) still dislikes anyone cutting his hair but me. FFS, I also hate going to the hairdresser so I don't. It isn't the mark of a ruined person.
I'm not the only one feeling a bit heartbroken for you and your 2 boys right now.

he was just holding him down and shouting at him, ds was hysterical shouting help me. Partner shouting at me telling me to just cut it. He lost his temper and let ds go, he proceeded to take away all iPad, turn tv off until he has his hair cut, he says our son isn’t right and his behaviour isn’t normal. He says you should be able to break him then he’ll eventually have it cut.

This is completely unacceptable and I think you need to get urgent advice from a women's charity or the NSPCC.

Yes, that's the same thinking as the child abuse cases you see in the news where they try to break the child.

Acting like a man! What an insult to all the fabulous men out there. My husband took our 3 year old to a special barbers that had airplanes for seats to get his hair cut on a 'boys only outing'

Just if you need other examples of how other men deal with stuff.

You need to remove your children from that abusive man, he will damage them mentally permanently!!

As for the haircutting, if essential, although all my boys had long hair when little, I would sometimes trim it in the bath when distracted with playing. Later I bought shaving kit and cut it properly (more to save money than anything) but my youngest, in his 30s still gets me to cut his hair with the same £10 electric shaver so I think I've got my money's worth!

@johnd2

As for all the LTB crew they seem to be in most threads and not really very helpful!

yeah. Your're right, it's FAR better to stay with a man screaming & restraining a scared 3 year old trying to break him.

🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Where did I say that @SummerSplashing ?