Partner says our son’s behaviour isn’t right.

[Sarahxz]

Our son is 3 year old, he won’t get his haircut so I have to try to do. My partner thinks this isn’t right and thinks that our son should just sit and let me cut it. He basically starts raising his voice to ds, holds a towel round him and basically holds him in place. As you can imagine our son kicks off with this and cries, this morning was the same yet he was just holding him down and shouting at him, ds was hysterical shouting help me. Partner shouting at me telling me to just cut it. He lost his temper and let ds go, he proceeded to take away all iPad, turn tv off until he has his hair cut, he says our son isn’t right and his behaviour isn’t normal. He says you should be able to break him then he’ll eventually have it cut.
He’s also due to start nursery next week and I know he’s not going to want to go as he’s been at home with me for 3 years. Partner says they won’t allow him there in the end and he’s a danger to other children tantruming like he is.
He doesn’t like the dentist/ doctors and will tantrum there too but to me it’s normal toddler behaviour, am I wrong?

Small kids being afraid of getting their hair cut is completely standard and normal. I was the same as a toddler in the 70s, my dds were the same. Ditto hair washing. It's why they have kids' hairdressers with videos to distract them.

Your husband knows nothing about child development and what is ‘normal’ . He is also an abusive bully, I bet your son’s behaviour would calm right down if his father was around a lot less.

Your son may well take some time to settle at nursery, that’s fine. He’ll get used to it in his own way at his own pace.

So your partner is abusing his child? I hope someone reports him

Your husband is abusive. Break him? Oh my god. Please leave him.

I reckon nursery without df around will be great for your ds.

What a horrible way to treat a small child. It's completely inconsequential whether he gets a hair cut or not surely? Let him grow it and he will probably get annoyed with it in his eyes and you can explain to him that you can cut a little off the front to stop that happening. Once he has seen that it doesn't have to be a traumatic experience he will trust you more and let you trim the back.

When mine was about 4 he started going with his dad when he got his done. After getting to know the barber and being given enough sweeties from him, he plucked up courage to sit in the chair.

But then he'll be alone with the child :-(

Op I would ask at a local children's centre if they can signpost you to parenting courses about supporting behaviour and take dad along x

You need to end things, OP. Your child's father is abusive to him.

I get that sometimes small children do need to be made to do things that they don't want to but you're much better off getting them done quickly and in a matter of fact way than by trying to "break them". Your DS doesn't sound particularly unusual for a 3 year old but all this drama won't help.

Your son sounds like a typical young child reacting strongly to situations because he's still learning. Your son's dad sounds like an abusive adult who should know better and who needs help to change his behaviour

@Sarahxz I had this with my toddler and I found a cure - videos on YouTube of a teddy bear wearing a wig having a hair cut!!! It walks through the whole experience. DS used to kick off but I actually think he just didn’t know what it was all about and was apprehensive- I showed him these videos several times and we talked about it etc, and then he sat in the chair like magic!!!! And actually was an angel. Neither me nor the hairdresser could believe it. He likes getting his haircut now. You could even put a wig on one of his teddies and take it with you, ask them to give Ted a chop. Good luck! X

"break him" what the actual fuck???
Your Partner is abusive
Its not unusual for small children not to want to get their haircut and they way you are both going its not likely to change, in fact you will be setting him up for real trauma about it.

Ps agree your husbands approach is terrible and shouldn’t be happening… x

FMD you need to lose this tosser, but I get the fear then he'll be alone with him.

Yes, it's frustrating when they won't sit still just to have their bloody hair cut, BUT it's totally normal for 3 year olds!! Many find it very scary.

Any man who said 'break him' wouldn't be anywhere near my child. (I know he doesn't mean physically).

How does the goon think shouting at him & removing all his stuff is going to help a small child... he doesn't, he just wants to control him. Nasty bastard.

Break him? As in ‘break his spirit until he’s compliant’?

WTF. That’s abuse.

Your son has a perfectly normal and common fear of haircuts. Mine did too. It isn’t a life long issue, and it’s nothing to get into a stew over.

Your husband is so unbelievably about of order here it’s actually worrying. Your poor little boy.

Ideally you have a united front, one holds the child on their lap the other does the haircut (or brushes teeth or gives medication or whatever), no one gets angry, it's done quickly and then you all move on to the next thing.

Your partner is a complete and utter knob head.
My 6 year old son has ASD and has always hated hair cuts. We cannot take him to the barbers at all and cannot get clippers to it. So he has it long. He allows us to brush and put it in a pony tail for school and that's good enough for us. We trim it now and again by sitting him in front of the TV and I quickly snip it with scissors. It's not a perfect haircut but meh, it is what it is. We would never hold him down or punish him for finding haircuts tricky. Your partner is going about it all wrong. All he is doing is making your son more afraid of haircuts and of his dad.

It’s your H’s behaviour that’s not right. Fucking hell. He’s restraining him and then shouting in his face? What the actual fuck is wrong with him? Abusive twat.

Does he bully the rest of the family or just your little boy?

💯

You’re partner is an abusive idiot.

Get rid of this man, he is appalling!

yeah hes a abusive twat, my son also refused his hair cut until he was 6 which is only this year. He screamed at the hairdresser when he was 4 and tried running out of the room.

My anger would be apocalyptic.

No one would ever touch my son like that or speak to him that way.

My son is same albeit he's 2 but we have decided to just let his hair grow out now till hes old enough to request it cut himself as its just not worth the hassle

Can you not suggest similar. Your husband needs to learn patience