Toddler asking for biscuits & yoghurt after 2 mouthfuls of meal.... what to do?

[greenleaveseverywhere]

She's 2.

Currently when I serve a meal, she will have 1 or 2 mouthfuls and then ask for yoghurt or biscuits.

I really don't know how to play this one as don't want to fall into the "one more mouthful" camp but equally, not comfortable with her living on biscuits and yoghurt.

Help?!!

I, too, have fallen into the trap of not wanting to create 'issues' which I think is a modern parenting thing. Now my kids are older I do actually insist the eat their veg and explain why (only veg I know they like).

Remember you decide 'what' and the child decides how much. So serve stuff they like but if there are no biscuits today, there are no biscuits. Probably take about 3 days for the message to sink in.

Is it not a parent’s responsibility to show them how to eat properly? You have your main and then you have a sweet treat. What is with this reluctance to “not cause an issue”? They’re children and you are the adult. She will get the message eventually if you remain consistent.

I'm responding to the derail rather than the OP, but Longley farm fruit yoghurts are, I believe, not upf.

OP - I had this dilemma when my kids were 2. They are 10 and 7 now. They are no longer like that, and I can only think it is because they are older rather than anything I have done. Keep giving healthy food, and they'll get there eventually.

Personally I'd serve it all up at the same time it's all a meal and up to her what order she eats it in. She doesn't have to finish it all but should sit at the table until everyone else is done. If she still hasn't finished I'd keep very simple wipable board games in the kitchen like connect 4 so she can play and pick at whatevers left whilst I played and tidied up the kitchen after the meal.

Instead of fruit yogurt I'd use natural greek style yogurt and instead of biscuits make some apple crisps from thinly sliced apple covered in cinnamon and baked slowly, they'll keep for a while.

Puréing, or blending fruits eg for a smoothie, is the same as consuming their juice. It breaks down a lot of the cellular structures so gives rise to a lot of free sugars - same as you see in juices. Yes, it has fibre and other macros vs juice, but if your concern is dietary free sugars, puréing blending whole fruits isn’t great in high levels. See official dietary advice from nhs or phe.

I'd ditch the biscuits tbh, they add no value to a toddler's diet and they're starting to cause problems. Same with the yoghurt if it's the flavoured kind. Back to basics and proper, healthy food. They'll get used to it.

@Geneticsbunny

It's illogical because how much you eat of a meal has no relation to how much you eat of a pudding. That's not how adults function. We eat whatever amount of pudding we feel like if we're still hungry after our main. We don't say "I've eaten 7 forkfulls of my dinner so I will have 7 forkfulls of pudding". So it teaches children a made up, arbitrary rule for no reason.

It can lead to disordered eating as children with eating disorders often do compulsive things like count bites when they eat. It's as useful as saying "have 4 more bites of dinner and you can have a pudding." There's no logic behind that and leads to arguments and bargaining at over food.

You do not need to tell your child "no pudding unless you clear your plate."
You can take puddings out of the equation altogether and have treat foods whenever you please but not linked to something that comes as a reward after dinner. Or serve food family style and let them eat what they want for dinner and allow them something if they're still hungry afterwards.

This is not difficult to do and children are not stupid. Even my 3 year old knows that 2 bites of food followed by a request for a biscuit will never fly. But if he eats nearly all his dinner and then is still hungry and asks for something, sure. Fine by me.

Which is why I say ‘fruit and veg’ to minimise the sugar content. And my point above was offering cut up fruit and water as an alternative.

Try this - it worked magic for us and takes tension out of meals.

www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/ELLYN-SATTER%E2%80%99S-DIVISION-OF-RESPONSIBILITY-IN-FEEDING.pdf

My 2yo and 3yo are pretty good eaters. They don't always finish dinner because I think they're just full by the end of the day. If it comes up, I just say biscuits aren't a dinner food. After dinner nothing else is ever on offer except a cup of milk if they ask. We only very occasionally have dessert (mostly because no one really needs it, partly to avoid bargaining issues).

@PivotPivotmakingmargaritas

😂

Yep, we did this when DD1 went through a phase of this. She would end up eating a good amount of her meal alongside the yoghurt or whatever it was, and I realised it was more my hang-ups about food being eaten in the 'right' order. She actually ate far more main this way. She grew out of it and eats dinner on its own now so just one of those things.

Oh and don't bargain, cajole, bribe, all that stuff has no business being linked to food. I know people mean well but I remember torturous dinners with my cousin's family as a kid where this kind of thing went on: 'three more spoons, have five more beans' and so on. It teaches children to ignore their own satiety and leads them to feel powerless around food. I don't eat stuff I don't want to so I don't expect my kids too. Just serve it all together and I'll bet that plenty of main course gets eaten.

Honestly, why would you cause a drama over a bit of yogurt? With toddlers you just do what you need to do to get them to eat a decent variety of nutritious foods. The order in which you eat them isn’t the hill to die on.

@Yourethebeerthief thanks for explaining. I totally get the counting mouthfuls thing being a bad idea and can see how the first course and then equivalent pudding idea could seem similar but I am hoping that it isn't? (I am grasping at straws a bit in the hope that my food related parenting isn't super shit).

I don't ever eat desert because I am still hungry after mains. If I was, I would eat some more main course. I just have a small sweet thing after some meals because it is a nice way to finish a meal off.

Its one of those things I assumed was the norm but obviously isn't for everyone. So I am mirroring the rules that I follow in a way which my kids can understand, which is that desert is a nice thing which happens at the end of a meal if you choose to have some. So desert is always an option but isn't a way to fill up on calories/ feel full.

Some of my kids would exclusively eat sweet stuff and nothing else, still now in their teens, and others are not all that bothered and would rather have crisps or something else if I didn't have this rule. Also we don't always have desert so sometimes it's just eat what you fancy.

I guess the issue would be if the sweet stuff becomes like a special reward rather than just another part of the normal range of food choices?

It is always interesting to be challenged about the things you think! Keeps me on my toes.

Each to their own. I’m clearly a dinosaur.

It's not shit parenting but I would seriously consider dropping it.

Who's even keeping count of all the mouthfuls consumed? It's not an ideal way to spend dinner time together. If they're generally good eaters just let them have pudding if they've eaten a good amount but are still hungry. Don't overthink it.

When mine went through that phase I stopped buying yogurts, biscuits and whatever else they were fixating about for while. I could say we didn’t have any in and wouldn’t be caught up in a lie.

Just don’t buy it, then they can’t have it!

I would stop buying biscuits etc. Or at least tell her you don't have any there is only dinner. Don't push to eat it but keep it ready for in half hour time when she's asking for food again just give dinner back. No nasty comments no pressure just this is what's available. A couple days going to bed with just a couple mouthfuls of dinner won't do much harm. I've worked with kids and this works for NT children within a couple days usually. I also ensure a large healthy late afternoon snack if I expect dinner will be tricky so they have eaten (but for my own I never do snacks as part of routine as they then don't eat proper meals I hate this snack culture i think it's contributing to the obesity crisis so make that decision for my own children). If it takes longer than a few days I would advise alternating days with meals she definitely likes as she need food and possibly giving the biscuit for clearing her plate (make it very small portions!) but personally i think that teaches unhealthy relationships with food but it does work. and if she has a dislike for a food rather than a preference for biscuits then don't keep serving it obviously as that's just mean.

I don't know if after say 5 days it doesn't show some improvement then change tactics. Or if it's triggering proper meltdowns that make you think this could be autism. Some ND children will literally not eat unless it's their safe foods and if that's what's happening here you will just do damage withholding the biscuits. Then I'd say now before she's attaches to particular brands start baking cookies from veg. Make sure yogurt is yogurt not full of sugar ones. So if you are only able to give a restricted diet you can at least get the veg etc into that. I have one autistic kid with restricted eating I'm sick to the back teeth of blending veg into pancakes and muffins and bread but it's possible to get a healthy diet in around it if you start it young before it's only certain brands that are accepted

At that age, my DC was offered an age appropriate version of what the rest of the family was eating and took their eating cues from us. Nothing was ever forced but biscuits were never part of the dinner equation.

But then I'm the bitch who didn't allow their DC chocolate until they were 3 because I wanted to broaden their horizons first. Of course, like most of us, they love choc now and it's not restricted, but they don't consider that or biscuits dinner food.

Don't agonise, OP just stick with appropriate nutritious food for meal times and they'll get the message and good eating habits.

Keep an empty packet of biscuits and look surprised they've all gone!

My toddler throws the food he doesn't want

But then if she gets nothing doesn't she have a meltdown later?
Or wake you up at 5am screaming for milk as she's hungry?