4 year old won't stop touching her bum

[Helphelpx]

My four year old won't stop touching her front bum. It's all the time. It's also very obvious. She does it in the living room, the car, outside playing constantly. It's very obvious and she says it feels nice.

I have tried every way to approach this. Tell her not to do it. Tell her it'll put germs on her hands. Tell her to do it in her bedroom but not in front of other people. Tell her it's ok she can touch her own privates but only in private. Tell her other people do not touch their bums in front of other people. Tell her other people will not like it. I've also told her people will not want to spend time in her company if she is doing this and it's disgusting. Tried to put consequences in place. Nothing works at all. I was very cross with her a few times about it. Told her others will not play with her if they see her constantly doing this. I know that is not the best approach but I'm at my wits end.

Please any advice, similar parenting experience or even book recommendations appreciated!

It feels artificial because it's not actually a normal English word but a sort of medical euphemism. We don't use Latin words for other body parts we need to talk to children about so it's not surprising this one doesn't feel natural either.

I’m confused why people are using the word vulva, why wouldn’t you just say vagina unless it’s very specific that she is touching her vulva.

@ThatFunFinch because the vagina is a very specific part.

I grew up using "front bum" and survived. I know the real names of my body parts. It's not a big deal...

Because the vulva is the outside part and the vagina is the inside part. Scary when a grown adult doesn't know the difference 😳

@Helphelpx

Could it be the small frills some children's knickers have irritating her? The ones around the edges.
I know my daughter found these very irritating. Think they were Pennys/primarks.

The vagina is internal the vulva is the external area. You also have 2 types of labia.

isnt vulva equally as specific ? I always assumed that the word vagina was just the word used for the encompassing area of a female genitals ….just had a quick google :
Although by its dictionary and anatomical definitions, the term vagina refers exclusively to the specific internal structure, it is colloquially used to refer to the vulva or to both the vagina and vulva

It’s her vulva

The vagina is the tube

(Although if you’re gonna have a nickname Finola is quite a nice one)

I’m fully aware thank you 😂 it’s just when I refer to that region unless I am specifically talking about the vulva or the labia or the urethra etc I would just used the general word - vagina.

Although by its dictionary and anatomical definitions, the term vagina refers exclusively to the specific internal structure, it is colloquially used to refer to the vulva or to both the vagina and vulva

I'd tell her, " it's her vagina and not to do it in front of people, because its rude. If she does it in her bedroom then she must wash her hands afterwards, because it smells." If I caught her doingnit outside of her bedroom, I'd tell her to stop or go to her room. My friends daughter had the same issue. She kept doing it in primary school, because it felt nice. My friend didn't know what to do. In the end she stopped doing it in public, think she became self aware of people looking at her.

The vagina is just the internal tube

The vulva is the area in front, with the labia and clitoris inside.

Just call it a fanny and be done with it if Vulva makes you blush.

I wasn’t asking about the anatomy of the female genitals, what I was referring to was the overall generalisation of what the area was called. I have never heard a woman describe her genitals as “vulva” when just talking about that general region.
UNLESS speaking specifically about the vulva.

It isn't confusing. A lot of children call it front bottom.

It is used to refer to the lot in the puritanical US I think, though not so much here.

Vagina is very specifically the internal organ, so I don’t think it’s helpful to mix it up, because it’s good to know what all the bits do, and that the vagina isn’t the whole deal just cos it’s where the penis goes (and come to that we don’t use penis to also refer to testicles do we)

An American friend once referred to waxing her vagina, which was quite a vision..

See above

Could it be her underwear is too tight/poorly fitting? Experience of similar situation that was becoming problematic, with child of around the same age, and a switch to bigger knickers did the job…. Hope this helps and good luck

Absolutely this, all day long.

Omg!!! It’s not her vagina! It’s her vulva. And if it feels nice it may be her clitoris.
You go from front bum to vagina. FFS!

In any case, it’s not disgusting or dirty part of the body.
You are doing your daughter a grave disservice if you teach her this stuff.

It‘s also relatively normal, just repeat and repeat that she needs to only do that in private.

Oh yes I absolutely agree, all the areas need to be known.

im in the UK and never heard any female generally refer to that area as vulva, even if that is the correct term.

Oh this isn’t at all what I was expecting by the title!
please think of a better name than “front bum” - we used Nooni or Voovoo!

@Taluulaah I think she likes the feeling but I did think her pants looked a bit tight so I will try next size up and see if it helps! Thank you, never thought of that.

Sometimes this can be a sign of child SA. Could this be a possibility?

I have known of a couple of girls who did this. I have to tell you that other kids notice and in both cases, the other kids didn't like it. Yes sure, no need to make her feel bad about it but I would try to stop her doing in public.