So this couple walk into a restaurant with an oldish toddler......

[Flum]

... sit down at a table, get out a portable DVD player, plonk it in front of him and switch it on.

Is this normal behaviour? Would you do this?

Judge, Judge, Judge away.....

Oh no, I quite agree. Mine are older.

as real toddlers we limited the exposure to public dining, and would tend to take them to lunch and to eat in places where the waits were limited.

It worked well, they are now 11 and 8 and we can take them just about anywhere. We had a fabbo and V posh meal out last Whitsun and the ownver of the resturant complemented us on how nice it was to see kids enjoying their food and behaving so well.

And they did use the gameboys! in between courses. well ds did and dd read

"we have our conversation about our day in a way that he finds amusing (e.g. silly voices, comments addressed to him)"

Oh dear God.

I wouldn't take a DVD player to restaurant, probably partly through fear of being judged or it just seeming 'bad form' somehow.

I like MB idea of ninteno while waiting and then chatting over food though, that seems a good compromise

Kids (well my kids ) very often don't want to chat with thier parents (well not for long) and they, and us, quickly tire of asking them about what they've been up to that day, things about thier frinds etc when main responses are often 'I can't remeber' (I then want to scream IT WAS TWO HOURS AGO FFS!).

They do like to tell some of their jokes, but mainly want to laugh hysterically at the hilarious thing the other is doing such as blowing bubbles in his drink or pretendign to 'bottom burp'.

Sometimes them getting on is just as tedious as arguing I think.

I have to admit, if they wanted to take a 'proper book' to a restaurant (not just the Beano) I would probaly sit there preening.

That's strange isnt it? But very true of many of us I suspect. Reading Roald Dahl at the table is just as antisocial as a gameboy, but one paints you as a proper mummy who does things right and therefrore her children enjoy good children's literature, the other as a lazy arse moter who couldblt care less and who doesn't know better.

I wonder if judgenent also depends on what they were watching? eg Lion King not so bad, PowerRangers, call Socila Services?

Ona practical note , wouldn't a DVD disturb other diners? Not thinkning of getting one honest

Ahh
now my DS has SN and was diagnosed at 2 years old.
Had I even thought of it I would have screamed with joy at the idea of being able to go out and take a DVD player as he is obbsessed with DVD's and will watch for quite a while.
Instead, on the odd occasions we did try and eat out I had to cope with the tuts and stares as DS would cry and wriggle and scream. We didn't do it much and DS1 missed out a bit.
So - for me - I would be damned whatever soloution I tried.Damned for a two year old with a DVD player or damned for having a screamimg biting child.
And twas ever thus.
We have just been away and DS took his DVD player with him.
Actually though now he is 11 he loves eating out and behaves pretty well - in fact better than many other children that age and younger.....
...plus now i also don't give a flying toss what the judgy judgersons think.

I would do anything that makes life easier tbh.
Def more things to worry about during parenting lifetime than DVDS in restaurants.
Wait for the Teenage Years to strike with avengance!

Only read the OP, but I saw a couple in Kent do exactly the same thing but with children of around 8/9 in a really posh restaurant! Social skills won't develope will they? just take comfort knowing your dc's won't have that problem.

We have a portable dvd player that we take on long car journeys (we don't actually own a car so only use a car occasionally) and also on holiday with us (partly for the plane ride and partly for the hotel room as there are never any english languauge programmes).

I would never consider taking into a resteraunt, but then my kids are not allowed to watch tv during dinner at home. HOWEVER, I totally encourage my older ds to take a book with him to the table (not at home) and my younger ds often takes a sticker book or some small playmobil pieces. All of which get put away when the meal arrives. We have plenty of conversation too, but kids get bored waiting.

On holiday, when you are eating three meals a day in a resteraunt, there is really nothing wrong with taking seomthing to distract your kids at the table - whatever it is - so long as it is not disturbing anyone else.

I can't help but think that when I was a kid my brother and sister and I always behaved because we had to. My parents didn't make a fuss or pander to us. I remember that for years my Dad took all three of us to Mass. I mean, when you are a really young child how boring would that be. Yet, I can't remember him ever having to tell us off. We weren't scared of him and he didn't consult any book on 'How to make your three children sit through an hour long Mass and live to tell the tale.' He just bloody took us and we behaved.

it's really no different to taking a book or other toys though is it.

Yes it is different because it's less discreet (don't mean to sound poncy but fuckit) and therefore distracting to other people, especially kids.

if you have the headphones on how does it distract others? ok i can see that other kids might want to look to see what it is, but really if i take my ds out and he watches a dvd it's not my problem if other kids want to be nosey.

Ha, we did this not so long ago while on holiday with friends. With eight children aged between 6 years and 9 months in the party they had a choice of colouring, small toys or a DVD to help amuse them while waiting for food. As soon as the food arrived the toys etc. went away. The DVD was Ratatouille, which I though relevent to the setting and we did have a room to ourselves.

He was a TODDLER not an 8yr old child.
We have sat in our hotel room with a restaurant take away while on holidays such was ds's table manners. We just wouldn't inflict him on other bill paying patrons. We chose to have him they did not choose to sit near him.
I think it's fine for them all to enjoy a meal together rather than everyone leaving early stressed out and upset.

PMSL at such a well behaved 12 week old.
DS was a horror at that age too.

'It's not my problem if other kids want to be nosey' says it all really.

So you weren't scared of him
He never had to tell you off
He didn't read any books on it...

So did he do it Cissycharlton?

How do you produce such well behaved children??

Stillwaters.. I don't know really, as soon as I had to cope with my own kids I thought, how the hell did he do it? I think because he expected us to behave we did.

Was he a little bit distant? so although not scared there was a respect that seems to disappear with familiaruty?

Did you misbehave more for yoiur Mum?
(this was true in my family)

There must be an explantion, if you can identify waht is was, write a book about it you'd make millions!!!

By StillWaters on Thu 17-Apr-08 12:12:24
I have to admit, if they wanted to take a 'proper book' to a restaurant (not just the Beano) I would probaly sit there preening.

That's strange isnt it? But very true of many of us I suspect.

-- yup. interesting actually. am reading a book that makes mention of the fact that when the novel first appeared (17th century) there was real concern about children spending too much time indoors with their noses pressed against books rather than playing outside

ooh, i meant to add a '?' to 17th century -- have forgotten when it was

Cissycharlton

I also take my 3.5 year old to mass every week and although it has been hard at times, he is definitely getting better and is getting used to just sitting through it. He may not like it much but he does do it now.

I am pretty sure your dad did have to either tell you off or deal with children playing up a bit through boredom sometimes but you probably don't remember because by the time you had go old enough to remember you had learnt what was expected of you at Mass.

Most of the children I know that attend mass every Sunday from babyhood (which ds has) start to know what is expected of them and don't play up so much after the age of 3/4 or so.

However on holiday, we are there so all of us can enjoy it not just dh and I. If having some entertainment means ds enjoys his holiday a bit more I have no problem with that.

Lovely story Pan.

My Dad wasn't distant, Stillwaters, and we didn't really play up for my Mum either. My brother was always well behaved and I wonder whether he, being the eldest, sort of set the tone for my sister and I. My Dad may have occassionally taken out his keys for us to play with but I can't remember us ever taking books etc. I have quite vivid memories and can't remember having to be told off. We weren't exceptional either. All the kids were expected to be good. It was just the done thing. I'll ask my Dad to think about how he did it so he can write and book and make a million (he's waited all his life for this).

Sounds like you've gone through the pain barrier with your ds Lazycow.

That is actually not a bad idea. Though I think that it could be annoying to other people in the restaurant so headphones would be the way to go.

It is not really any different to colouring books and pens is it.

Bummocks - another hot debate in the Dottydot/Juno household has been started by Mumsnet.

I think the idea's truly inspired; dp is horrified.

Ah well, looks like it's meals out without the kids for the time being

Re: childhood memories of good and bad behaviour, my mum was far more likely to take me to work with her in the holidays to sit in the staff room (she was a physio) than my brother. I was happy to read books and amuse myself, my brother would have been literally climbing the walls. This doesn't mean I was better behaved than my brother or that my mother had any parenting secret re: my behaviour. We were just different children who liked doing different things, and I was more parent friendly in a not particularly child friendly situation.

I can see that for some people its worth putting in the hours to get their children to behave appropriately at Mass. Its not really the same as trying to have an uneventful stress free time when you are doing something out of the ordinary like spending every night in a restaurant on holiday. (So basically what Lazycow said...)