Sad child is young for the year

[Liverpoollass2]

DS has just finished his first year in school, overall he did well, he had fun and made friends. Academically he did fine perhaps struggled a little due to needing glasses half way through the year but hes a bright little boy.
Im really just struggling that he is the youngest in his class, I feel sad about it like he's had to grow up quickly and also that ive somehow missed time with him. He's an August birthday so turning 5 yet we've already received invites for September and October birthdays for kids turning 6. Ive also realized when our other child starts the school in a few years they'll have a year less time together at the school and in the Junior school together compared to if he was born in September/or we had deferred a year which was an option.
Has anyone else felt this way and did it change? I do struggle seeing him with his class as he does seem younger and immature compared to some of the older ones.
I should add I suffer from anxiety and overthink things.my husband and other parents of kids younger in the year dont seem to feel the same way.
I keep wishing he'd been born a few months later!

I've got a summer born whose just finished reception. He finished the year a little bit behind in his reading and writing but he's great at maths and on track for the other things they measure. He's so young that I'm not bothered about it at this stage. We've also started receiving birthday invites for his friends turning 6, when he's not long been 5! H

It's pretty obvious in reception who are the autumn born, compared to the summer born, but I figure it will all even out as they get older. I never considered deferring his place and don't regret this.

My end of August born has just finished yr 1. There are times I remind myself that he is really little and doing amazingly. I didn't think about deferring as he didn't seem to need it.
This year has been tough for him. Almost every member of staff that he is knew from nursery and reception has left. There has been a huge turnover including the head and deputy. This has had an impact on him and perhaps he's felt it a bit more being younger.

That's it though. In every other aspect the teachers have no concerns.

Also to note, when they are younger there is a big difference between the September borns and August borns. I'm a junior school teacher and rarely think about when children were born within the academic year unless there is a significant need. I will always remember when I taught a year 3 class where 2 boys were both born 31st August. One was the top of the class, in the football teams and actually had more of an arrogant air about him and the other had some SEND and needed academic support.
This taught me that you cannot label children as august borns all their life. Academia isn't the marker of a successful life. Look at who they are as a person, not when they were born.

As a teacher, I do fully believe in the benefits of being older in the year but there's nothing that can be done about it obviously so focus on the positives.

What I want for my child is for them to be happy, enjoy school and have friends. Sounds like your little boy is succeeding on all those fronts. Of course academics are important and older children will have advantages there, but as long as he's meeting expectations (or at least not trailing behind massively) then that would be good enough for me if he's ticking all the other boxes.

One of my siblings was born right at the beginning of September, bright child who got totally bored at primary school as never had to make an effort with anything. Unfortunately that style continued and although did OK I honestly think it would have been better if they'd gone in the year above and been stretched a bit.

Who knows, I might be really wrong but I think it is hard to know what is the best way to go. If he's doing well I'd try not to worry.

Late July born here and was the class genius all through infant and primary, then went to a grammar.

It doesn’t hold kids back if you don’t let it. I was streets ahead of the other kids in my class. Starting school early just made me even more switched on and I’m so glad that holding kids back a year wasn’t a thing.

My DS is August born and I remember having to order his nursery uniform in age 2 because the age 3-4 drowned him! Academically he was ready but emotionally he chose younger friends (from the year below but closer to his actual age) for a long time. He's near the end of primary now and does ok.

What's made me feel sad is I feel he's had to grow out of things quicker. So, he stopped believing in magic/santa/tooth fairy earlier because the rest of his year group stopped. He doesn’t want friends to know we still play imaginative play because they say it's for babies but he likes playing with me. Plus I've noticed lots of other parents started letting their kids walk to school alone once they were 10 (year 5) and I felt DS was too young at only just 9 which he resents. And lots of his year group are being left alone at home during this summer for parents to work where as I've made DS go to holiday club because he's still 9! All his friends have phones but again I think 9 is too young etc.

We must have sent our kids to a particularly good nursery as all the older kids are doing phonics and taking home reading books at preschool in the months leading up to school; by the time they’re starting reception they can all recognise the phonics, read 3-4 letter words, count to 20, and write their name.

The younger ones who have just turned 4 when they start have obv had a year less time so you wouldn’t expect to see them be as advanced yet. The difference between the oldest and youngest was really stark.

I was end of July birthday , I was way ahead in infants particularly as I could read and write way before I started school . I can’t remember a time before I could read and was reading chapter books / magazines etc age 3 . The only time being youngest in the class was an issue was when lots of people had already passed their driving test before I’d started learning . A friend has a child who is just going to start Grammar , not deferred, birthday is later this week . If your child is happy and coping stop worrying .

Being held back a year when there's no need can be a bad thing though, bright kids get bored and unmotivated

Thanks everyone for the responses, I've read them all and appreciate people taking the time. This thread is not about whether deferral is better as its too late now but more if parents you felt worried about younger children stopped worrying as they progressed through school.
I'll never know if I had made the right decision, just hope he continues being happy and doing his best. Luckily his friendship group is spread throughout the year in terms of ages etc, I'm hoping as time goes on ill not feel this way

Following this as my DD is an August baby who will start school next year.

My thoughts are currently not to defer her. In an ideal world she would have as long as possible at home, with lots of outdoor time and learning about the world through play and exploring. And then start real school aged 5 or 6. As it is, she attends pre school 3 days a week and as much as I adore the staff and the school, it's small, outside space is limited, things will get repetitive and I honestly think she would be bored. I've been to visit the school we hope her to attend and its just so lovely, lots of woodland outdoor space and a real focus on learning through play. I know I'd be naive to think there won't be any difference between her and her autumn born peers (in fact I already see it as one of her closest friends is an October born), but I'm hoping that with plenty of parental encouragement and support it will all level out soon enough. You sound like a really good mum, so your son will have the support there!

I'm sure that in a few years all this worry will feel like a distant memory. 💐

My daughter is starting school in a few weeks as an August born and a tiny August born at that. Her 2-3 uniform is massive on her. I would have sent her to school at Christmas if I could she has been crying about not being at school since we started viewing schools on visits. She did very well on her ready for school assessment scoring highly on all areas and was the youngest age that assessment could be done.
I have been worrying about her size but we have had some play dates with the other children starting and there is another little girl who is on the bottom of the percentiles and close in size to my daughter. The headteacher have said they can make adaptation if she struggles due to her height.
I think in life you can work to your strengths and support your weaknesses or you can work to your weaknesses and hope your strengths stay. Obviously there's a lot of middle ground there too but we are take the approach that we will work to our daughters strengths and be proactive about making her size less of an issue we will hopefully be some where close to the right track.
She has been with her cohort of children since the age of 2 as she skipped a room at nursery when she got upset that some children moved up without her. They did a trial and she coped really well in the next room up and aside from her size you wouldn't know that she was one of the younger children.

My sister is an October born and my mum has always said that she would have paid to send her to school when she turned 4 and that last year at home was tough. When she started school she was given twice the amount of work as the others and she got through it so quickly and was ready to play when the others had barely started. She's bright but in the A-B range so wasn't some super gifted child.

My daughter's birthday is 31st August and she is older primary school. She always tells people 'if I was born a day later I'd have missed a whole year of school'. She loves that she has had the extra year and in her eyes the extra fun.

Whenever there is a choice between two paths, you may wonder whether you've made the "right" choice, or whether the other option may have had a different outcome. Whether that be should I send my child with his age group or defer, or should I send him to school A or school B, or should we move house to give us the option of a school C. You may think well he's happy and settled at this school and is doing well and has friends, but what if school B would have really made him shine, or if he'd gone to school C maybe he'd have met a lifelong best friend, or would have discovered an unknown talent for playing the flute... there's a million what ifs. What if you had another child, what if you didn't, what if you had another child and it was triplets. What if you changed jobs. What if you moved to Australia. All come with pluses and minuses. Overall isn't it better to not dwell on them, and to appreciate the good things you have now.

Thanks I think you described it perfectly, im an over thinker by nature but do tend to hyperfixate on certain things, particularly around my child, possibly being our first and then being young for the year too. Its so hard for me to make big decisions, I'm just hoping things get better for me mentally. Funnily my two best friends are both born in July and have done fantastically in life so I know there is hope for the future

So is your daughter youngest or oldest? Wasn't sure but that's great she's happy. My child has expressed a bit of frustration that their friends all have birthdays before them

@Liverpoollass2 sorry, she's the youngest. She is happy that she didn't have to wait a year longer to go to school. She's now going into year 6.

Going off what a year six child says makes no sense to me though because if your child had deferred a year and had a positive experience, they'd then have said how great it was to be the first to have a birthday party/enjoy being the eldest etc. It's not like your child has done it both ways and can actually compare. Obviously that's great that it's worked out. But if a child who doesn't defer gets bullied in class, gets poor results and then becomes a drop out at 16, you'd be saying you wish you'd deferred. We can't base something on outcome, just on whether we made the beat decision we could at the time with the evidence available.

Whilst not August birthdays, two of my DS are summer babies. I have never felt they have missed out on anything and whilst initially they were a little behind in some areas the gap got smaller and smaller as they have got older and was barely noticeable by the end of KS1 and they have both excelled in secondary school. I honestly would just enjoy the time you have now.

Following this thread with interest as I have an August born 1 year old and am conflicted to what we will do when school time comes.

How you’ve described yourself here is me to the letter. I find big decisions paralysing and as a result have found aspects of having a baby and the responsibilities that comes with it very stressful. Funnily enough I have a group of close friends all born May-July and are the most successful bunch I know!

Oh my goodness…your 3 year old is not ready for school. Being able to count and read a bit is not the marker of school readiness!

My DC2 is November born and also reading, counting, writing, drawing (it’s not that unusual by the way). I am absolutely delighted that she has another year to play before formal learning. Bright children don’t get bored in a good childcare setting. It sounds like you need to look elsewhere for your son.

Dd is the youngest in her class. She’s now in y4. She’s definitely not struggling academically or socially. But in reception she was behind. They catch up. There’s barely any difference now between the oldest in her class and her. I’ve never regretted my decision to send her. She loves school and has thrived there. Give it a few years and you won’t notice much if any difference

The PP isn't trying to push her three year old into school. It isn't an option. She's sad all her child's friends are leaving and he's got another year doing much the same.

We had similar with our DS, and after a few sulky months he made new friends with his proper peer group. Don't worry!

Thanks, yes trying not to worry as I don't want to look back and regret not enjoying this time for him, hes really a happy boy in school and seems to be doing well, tbh I couldn't ask for a better situation in terms of his class and how he has progressed.

I know it's so difficult being an over thinker, even choosing his school was very difficult and I still dont know I made the right decision there either!
Some people are very pro deferral and some are vey against, I do feel it depends on the child and ive seen positive and negatives for both, probably no matter what I would have chosen I'd be worrying!