Sad child is young for the year

[Liverpoollass2]

DS has just finished his first year in school, overall he did well, he had fun and made friends. Academically he did fine perhaps struggled a little due to needing glasses half way through the year but hes a bright little boy.
Im really just struggling that he is the youngest in his class, I feel sad about it like he's had to grow up quickly and also that ive somehow missed time with him. He's an August birthday so turning 5 yet we've already received invites for September and October birthdays for kids turning 6. Ive also realized when our other child starts the school in a few years they'll have a year less time together at the school and in the Junior school together compared to if he was born in September/or we had deferred a year which was an option.
Has anyone else felt this way and did it change? I do struggle seeing him with his class as he does seem younger and immature compared to some of the older ones.
I should add I suffer from anxiety and overthink things.my husband and other parents of kids younger in the year dont seem to feel the same way.
I keep wishing he'd been born a few months later!

Take a step back, it sounds like you're not seeing the wood for the trees.
You have a son who has successfully navigated a year at school, attained well, is happy and has friends. You are describing a best-case scenario right there, and it actually sounds like he started school at just the right time for him. If you'd waited a year you'd probably be agonising about how much more progress he could have made in school. He's exactly where he should be and you made the right decision for him.
As for time spent together - your children have their whole lives to be siblings, a year at school won't matter - most siblings barely speak to one another at school anyway.

Try and concentrate on the reasons why you chose to send him to school with this year group.

I have a late August born who has just finished school. Delaying wasn’t an option when he was in Reception.

He liked never going to school on his birthday. I had his parties end of July before school broke up because people can be very forgetful during holidays. (His older sibling has a birthday that often falls during Easter so I have experience of party attendance being better when it’s term time )

I would have delayed him for academic reasons if I’d had a choice but long term he did absolutely fine in school. He was below average in his tear 2 SATS but above average by year 6 and got good grades at GCSE and beyond.

It’s been annoying for him driving and not being able to go the pub because he’s underage but apart from that he’s been fine socially. His other friends at primary were also summer born but by secondary you can’t tell who is summer or autumn born.

Somebody tiod me to treat education as a marathon and not a race and they were right. I worried about him struggling academically when he was young but it all turned out fine in the long term. Nobody is ever going to ask him about his year 2 SATS or when his handwriting was good enough for a pen license lol

Are you glad you didn't defer now you see how he got on? Im worried ill always feel this way and think what if, just he is curious and bright I wonder if he was oldest how much easier things may have been on him, how much further he could have gone. I hate that he may feel pressure to keep up and not realize its because so many kids are older in the class than him

My son turns 12 tomorrow. He started off school so tiny and I felt a he was behind physically and academically. He also struggled with speech too. He’s just finished his first year of high school and is thriving. He’s also turned into a giant and would have looked ridiculous in primary school this last year if he was born a few weeks later. Deferring wasn’t an option when he was little and I’m glad it wasn’t because I would probably have taken the option and he would have hated it. He has made lots of friends in school and is above average in most lessons. He’s also on the sports teams. It’s not held him back at all. He also loves his summer birthday. The only thing that worries me is how annoyed he’ll be the year his friends turn 18 and he’s the last one!

All will be well OP, try not to worry! Any unique factor about a child has its advantages and disadvantages.

Why did you not defer him? Was that ever an option you considered?

I have 3 summer born children now aged 18, 11 and 10. Deferring wasn't a thing when my 18 year old was 4. He looked so tiny in his school uniform but he loved school for the most part. He did really well in his gcse's and is predicted 3 A's in his a levels this week.

My 11 year old has moderate learning disabilities and it was recommended that we defer him by preschool. But I didn't want him in the same class as my 10 year old and I didn't know if deferring would be right for my youngest. He started school in nappies and learned to write his name in year 3. He struggled a lot during lockdown but we concentrated on his reading and he did really well with that. He had a scribe for his SAT's which made a massive difference. He is so excited about going to secondary school and being in the same tutor group as his best friend who also has learning disabilities.

My 10 year old has autism and is significantly delayed in his emotional development. He is working at greater depth in maths and he loves logic puzzles and sudoku. He was working at the expected level for everything except writing at the end of year 4 but at the end of year 5 he is now greater depth for maths and expected for half his other subjects, the rest are working towards. He is being assessed for an ehcp at the moment which will hopefully help.

My daughter was youngest in her year. In reception year she looked so little compared to the other kids. She has now finished gcses and is no different to her peers.

I was the youngest in my year, some of the other kids were over a year older than me (not in the UK). I was fine.

OP I'm a late summer born and thank Christ holding children back wasn't a thing back then, I was academically top of the class throughout and didn't struggle socially or with sports. You're putting too much emphasis on a few months/weeks. If he was born in April or May you wouldn't be regretful that he hadn't waited to start, it wouldn't even be a consideration. Don't hold him back with your worries, it sounds like he's had a great first year, good for him.

why didn’t you delay his start if that was an option?

decision is made now so I’d just try to accept that was what felt right at the time and back it. Of course starting later/ being oldest would have been statistically better but you knew that then and decided to crack on so crack on now! There’s always gotta be someone youngest and in the grand scheme of things he’s a healthy child, and doing ok so no need to flog yourself. If you’d delayed his start you’d no doubt have worried about that too. Being a parent of a summer born is hard whatever you choose:

I coach kids and work with families. Being summer born is hard when compared to peers at KS1. It does even out. (I'm an Aug born but in my day reception was optional so I started Yr1 at 5).
My advice is to not stress about what can not be changed.
But remind teachers and others that the child is younger than peers.
They should allow for that.
If judged against peers eg on phonics / reading then kick back

Yes it was something we considered, his nursery advised us he was more than ready for school and he had a nice group of friends moving with him to his class, I did really worry about whether we made the right decision. Just annoying as I feel like I'm the only person still worrying about things. One of his friends in a different class is a week older than him and his mum isn't bothered that he's younger, we discussed it and she said she doesn't think about it. Just hoping in a few years ill feel differently, I can't go back and change it now and I definitely wouldn't have him repeat a school year now

Aren’t results standardised according to birth date?

My eldest is study born snd youngest in his class OP. Also one of the brightest and tallest. I felt the same way you do, but looking at him now, he would have looked and felt odd being in the year below had we deferred him.

When did you change how you felt?
Yes formal tests are definitely standardized but think just general class tests etc c may not be, plus even with standardization there is a difference in ages unfortunately. Plus kids don't really realize they are younger so worried he'll compare with his friends

MN seems very defensive about not deferring and so much talk about school readiness. I want children to thrive, not be "ready" to endure a system that from Year 1 is all about teaching them learning means sitting down and listening to people talk at you. I can only see advantages to not sending someone off into the world at just turned 18 when the male brain isn't done cooking until 25.

Sorry excuse my typos!

I’m not really sure when the feeling went away to be honest. I think I just don’t dwell on it too much anymore. I think I take comfort in the fact that he is thriving and happy and I’m very proud of his achievements. His sister is also, only 14.5 months younger than him and the eldest in her year so I have both experiences. I was robbed of our 1:1 time I had planned for her and I during Covid due to the remote learning so also have feelings about that too.
My eldest pretty much spent Y1 & Y2 remote learning. I felt like my happy pre-schooler was ‘broken’ by the school routine (which is far too rigid from reception to y2 but I digress…)

Also in terms of scores etc…neither of my children know where they fall within their cohort. The children don’t discuss their marks/results with each other .

The first reply is an excellent one.

You have answered all your worries in your opening post @Liverpoollass2
You have a happy, well settled little boy doing well at school who has made friends.

I have 3 dc, now all adults, all born in different terms. Honestly, over a life time of schooling there are many, many factors that influence their progress, and month of birth is only one.
The biggest one is input from parents, and your little one clearly has that.

PS, the September born one cost us an extra year in childcare fees - and that was before free places. Think on that.

I'm on the other side. I have a very bright and curious Nov born who is three, nearly four, but can count to 100 and is starting to read simple words. He is always asking us questions. I missed out on mat leave as I did IVF in between 2 jobs so he's been at nursery since 5 months:

He is ready for reception but can't go. We look at the calendar and I explain cut off days to him. He understands (loves birthdays and knowing whose is when) but Sept will be hard

All is closest friends are going to school inc his Aug born best friend. He also has friends in the older cohort of the school kids so some nearly 5s

The kids in his year group are so young compared to him many still in nappies and dummies at the summer end of the cohort

We are worried that he will be bored next year at nursery, especially in how long he's been- but also in school which can lead to bad behaviour

We feel sad that he won't be on the same learning journey as his peers but don't want to discourage his interests in reading or counting

He's already less than modest because everyone is telling him all day that he's clever

Paying off IVF debt and fulltime nursery means another year of tight finances instead of having holidays and things together

I know I might be glad in the long run but it is hard now. I think parents will worry about where their child is positioned so please don't see this as a brag about my kid but more a parent in the other side with opposite problem. And for what its worth, his best friend's mum is heartbroken her son has to start school so young.

I always thought Autumn born was best. I now have 2 children (Spring born) whi are doing well academically and sometimes complain of being bored at school because it is too easy. It makes me glad they aren't 6 months older where it would be even worse.

Doing things 'early' means there is more flex later. He can repeat a year a 6th form, he can have a gap year and still go to uni at just 19 etc.

My kids are 3 years apart and at infant and juniors. They won't be together until year 3 and 6. I was a bit sad about it, as at an all through primary they would be. However I like the fact they have their own news to share and my oldest can't take over. My youngest is compared less to his older sister.

I get this because I have both a winter and summer born and it does seem a long wait until reception for the child when they’re the oldest in their year. But don’t you realise you’re proving exactly the point about how disadvantages summer borns are? Don’t you see that those kids you describe as currently still in nappies are exactly how your child would be perceived if you sent them to start reception now?

the fact your son can read simple words and count is pretty standard for a 3 year old, in fact my child the same age is also reading and writing but if your son was starting reception right now he would be seen as ‘behind’ if that’s ‘all’ he could do as many start reception able to read 4 word sentences (if not more) and write etc. it’s also the social side that is harder to measure; how to navigate being on your own in a busy lunch hall full of hundreds of people. How to put your own sun lotion on, what to do if someone is horrible to you.

It does feel weird being on the other end of this now that I have a 3 year old who seems to be at the same level as many kids about to go into year 1 but I just realise how fortunate they are compared with the summer borns and it further reminds me how unfair it is for those who miss out on a year of early years.

Did your summer born struggle?
Yes seems unfair to have a whole year between, sometimes more if some defer!

I’m a reception teacher and it is not standard for children to start reception reading and writing to that extent at all. It’s not impossible but it’s certainly not the norm at all!

It’s not in Wales. We have foundation phase until year 2 and lots of learning through play