Do you regret the age gap between your kids?

[Lou98x]

DH and I have been discussing baby number 2 and what kind of age gap we should like between the DS and them. Interested to hear your opinions.

I know there’s no perfect age gap between siblings, and you have to work with what you have, etc. but I’m curious to know if any of you feel you left it too long between children, or had a second one too soon?

Do you think the sibling dynamic would’ve been different had you waited/not waited?

2.5 years here. I think it's quite a good gap as they enjoy similar things when playing and on days out. Both girls which maybe helps too but obviously you can't plan that.

However they also compete constantly which leads to arguments, and the younger wants to be allowed all the same things as the eldest.

I think a close gap makes the early stages harder with sleep, potty training etc but it's easier as they get older.

However some of my friends have a bigger gap and are pleased with it as the older one is more independent and there is less sibling rivalry.

I personally went for a bigger age gap of 4.5years for a few reasons:

• only 1 child at home as older one went to school when baby was born.
• only 1 set of nursery fees
• will mean only 1 of them going through gcses/a levels at once, the classic 2 year age gap means both kids doing exams at the same time.
• same logic if they want to go to uni, will only have to pay for 1 at a time

@Youcancallmeirrelevant 3 year gap works similarly well for those reasons too if doing a 3 year degree and using funded hours at 3.

We wanted a 3 year gap, had a miscarriage so wasn't to be. DD2 is now due when DD1 is just over 5 and i'm really looking forward to it.

DD1 is super excited and will be a fantastic big sister and my little helper. Plus I get to do the baby stage alone again as she is at school.

I'm hoping it will help keep DD1 younger (or at least give her the opportunity to enjoy 'baby things' for longer) as she can 'pretend' for the baby e.g. santa etc...

Also it means we won't go through any difficult stages at the same time, exams, nursery, uni.

My sister is 3 years older than me and we didn't get on until we didn't live together anymore, now we're quite close. It's personality, not ages.

This is interesting as I’ve found the opposite! With bigger age gaps there is less rivalry snd the friends I know with bigger gaps are close well into adulthood, whereas those with smaller age gaps are not close or even no contact as they are different and close enough to be an issue. I guess it completely depends on the kids!

Sometimes I wish we had them all within three years rather than across seven. We'd be done with the baby years now which have felt never ending. I sometimes think it was a lost decade because truthfully I have found it hard, and now I'm middle aged et cetera. Youngest starts school in September and I cannot wait for him to start developing more independence. But DC2 has ASD/ADHD/PDA profile, so I think that skewed the last five years which were far more difficult than expected or is average.

I had 3.5 years between mine and think it was a perfect gap because I had time with my first, then she was off to playschool by the time my second came along so I had time with him. They fought a lot when around 12 and 9 but now are great friends and go on holidays together.

I grew up with a sister 8.5 years older than me and it was horrible. We grew up like only children and are not remotely close nowadays.

2 years 8 months. Although it's been good once they got to a certain age, I think a 3 year gap would have been better for our family. It would have disrupted dd1's life less and been easier.

17mths. Fight like drunks and always have done from toddler hood onwards, they’re grown up now.
I think its more personality than age gap though, and being same age made days out/holidays etc easy, plus school runs were efficient, only one year at different schools!

I wanted close together but sadly another nature played games and ended up with a 4 year gap

Not much I could do about out it

www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/getting-pregnant/in-depth/family-planning/art-20044072#:~:text=What's%20the%20best%20interval%20between,before%20attempting%20your%20next%20pregnancy.

Having them too close together increases the risk of serious complications in both the mother and baby. It increases the risk of autism and other developmental disorders. I wouldn't go under 2 years. We had 4.5 years and I've loved it. I wanted 3.5 but got 4.5 and would t change it. I'd want to know the first baby was on track developmentally before getting pregnant again. Having two SEN kids close in age is brutal as they get older.

18 month gap. Nearly broke me. I spent the first 5 years advising anyone who would listen against it! Agree that it’s personality based ( both mine and the kids!)

The stuff about kids playing together always annoys me. Mine get on well, but one is an extrovert, the other is an introvert, so managing them and their needs takes lots of effort as they can’t just occupy each other.

19 months - no regrets. Hard at the start but having kids at similar stages is handy logistics wise and though they were not close when younger, now at the teenage stage they are.

Mine has 2 yr, 3 yr, 10 yr age gap between each one and everyone has its own pros and cons. It depends on what you value - time alone with dc, finances such as uni etc. however, i find that you don't really get to choose!

On average around 2.5yrs between all of ours. Worked well in general except where one was born (at term) and in a surgical NICU for months post birth and then in hospital more than out over their first few years. Their sibling who was 2yrs4mths at the time of that birth was dealt a really rough hand as they had a chaotic few years where it would have been much easier for them to cope with if they had of been a few years older again.

That was my experience with a 19 month gap too.

It can be pretty relentless in that as soon as you're out of one phase, whether it's toilet training or puberty or exams, you barely catch your breath and it's the next one's turn. But at least it's over with quicker, I suppose.

It was handy for passing down clothes and equipment (until the little one caught up) and they were often in the same age grouping for sports and hobbies, which obviously made the logistics a lot easier.

There’s just over 3 years between mine - it means they never went to primary school together, only one year in secondary when oldest was yr 11 and youngest yr 7.
I wish there was only 2 years between them - they get on well but they don’t have the same type of shared history I have with my brothers.
I had fertility issues so it wasn’t really my choice.

From the many families I’ve know, including my own, I think the 3-4 year gap works best. I think that if you have a clear e.g. big brother, little brother, it creates a good dynamic.

There are lots of dynamics I’m glad I don’t have. The ones I think work best are; 3 DC with 2 older sisters, younger bro, or 2 older bros, younger sister, or 2 boys, 3-4 years apart.

I tried and failed to plan my age gaps. It all worked out ok though. The main issue has been when the dc are finishing preschool, school, college etc at the same time. This year I have 3 changing schools and the paperwork involved nearly broke me.

I am so sorry for your fertility issues and I mean this gently but what difference would a year make to shared history? My eldest sibling is four years older and I would definitely say we have a shared history and childhood together. I can't differiante the difference between the memories I had with him or my twin who is the same age. A 3 year is a relatively normal gap, it isn't a big gap at all and I'm sure your children will feel they've had a childhood together!

Less than a year and a half with my 2. Perfect age gap. Would never have wanted it to be any different. I don't 'get' why people have one or two children, (say less than 4-5 years apart if it's two,) and then have another child when the existing child/children are secondary school age!

So say one at 24, one at 27, and then another at 40. No, just NO!!!!!!!!!!!

There are 2.5 yrs between my two and if I were to do it all again, I’d aim for the same again. Close enough to get most of the mayhem over and done with in a few short years, and close enough to be able to play together and form a close bond. It’s been great for us.

I have a friend who deliberately waited until her eldest was at school to have her second. I don’t think I’d have liked to go back to sleepless nights at that point as I felt I was getting a bit of my life back. But my friend loved it- it worked for her so we’re all different. I also have friends with only a year between DCs. That also wouldn’t have worked for me- mainly because there’s no way I was having much sex when DC1 was 3 months 😂

5 years here, generally haven't really regretted it - especially seeing friends who struggled with a toddler/newborn combo..!

However, we're finding it a bit trickier now, DS1 is away at Uni and DS2 finds the "only child" element of it really tough, and has quite a few years to go until he'll be at Uni/work/an adult. A weird thing to say I know, but there is a tiny part of me that wishes there wasn't such a gap (DS2 has social skills issues so doesn't just "go out")

It means they were never at primary school together as we have separate infant and juniors.
The shared history of things that happen at school that mum and dad know nothing about.
I fully admit I am sensitive to this because things didn’t go to the plan. I am very close to my brothers, DH had a bigger age gap and doesn’t know his well at all.
I am sad that my children didn’t get to go to school together if I could have done things differently I would.
They are young adults now who get on well - but still they can’t reminisce about things when we weren’t there.
This I more an in a ideal world post than real regret I suppose.

3.5 years between mine. I'd have preferred they were a bit closer together, but nature had other ideas! Ideally, I'd have preferred 3 years, but 3.5 is okay.