Do you regret the age gap between your kids?

[Lou98x]

DH and I have been discussing baby number 2 and what kind of age gap we should like between the DS and them. Interested to hear your opinions.

I know there’s no perfect age gap between siblings, and you have to work with what you have, etc. but I’m curious to know if any of you feel you left it too long between children, or had a second one too soon?

Do you think the sibling dynamic would’ve been different had you waited/not waited?

If we could have chosen we would have had 3 children 2 years between them. We couldn't. So we have 3 children and a gap of 3.5 and 13 yo.
And in the end? Brillant.

16 months between mine, would never do it again but hindsight is a wonderful thing!

21 months between mine. I wanted 2 years apart. If I left the baby stage I wasn't going back!

Also we wanted to give them the bestest chance possible at being close. Wanted them to go on rides together at theme parks, watch the same shows, play the same games, enjoy soft play together etc.

I'm one of four. Me and my siblings are all 4.5 - 7 years apart. We all get on fine and always have. When one was at school my mum would have 1:1 time with the baby/toddler of the time which was nice.
However none of us are close. A 10 year old doesn't want to hang out with a 4 year old. A 15 year old isn't going to want to hang out with a 10 year old. So we got on and didn't argue but didn't have a friendship where you sit and chat about gossip from school or stay up late watching a horror movie as teens or get bord and go to the cinema together on a rainy day etc.

Anecdotally all my friends who are close to their siblings as adults (hang out regularly as friends not because their siblings) have a 2/3 year age gap. They fought, had some rivalry but ultimately were closely bonded. They had a joint childhood.
Although I loved my siblings growing up and looked out for the younger ones and up to the older one its not quite the same. There's no memories of exchanging secrets, having mutual friends or going on adventures. There's still lovely memories like teaching my younger ones to ride a bike or helping them bake a cake or making them giggle like crazy. But we were never equals/peers due to the gap being too big.

My DP is 1 of 5. They are all 2 years apart or less! They are all close, have mutual friends and and if you saw them at the pub would think they were all in a friendship group not siblings. They all have a joint childhood. Sleeping downstairs together on a Saturday night watching movies, gossiping about school drama and mutual teachers. Even playing football together properly, not humouring a 5 year old sibling joining in. It's a different dynamic but builds close bonds and a friendship type relationship as well as siblings.

That being said bigger age gaps are easier on the parents in lots of ways. My mum loved the big gaps for the 1:1 time and she couldn't think of anything worse than a close gap. She thought I was mad having mine so close!

It's carnage but also lovely. Watching them both watching cbeebies together and both enjoying it and giggling in their pyjamas is so frigging adorable.

1st gap is 24 months - love it!
2nd gap will be 22 months

Im slightly terrified but hoping for the best 😂

We have a 3y11m gap and I regret it. Feels like everyone has a much smaller gap and our family is odd, and we are left behind. We do a lot of age segregated activities (clubs, sports, theatre and concerts) where the dc have to be split up. I'm envious of those with dc who can enjoy those activities together. Would be different if we were a beach or country walks family.
I quite enjoyed the actual parenting experience as I had a whole second cycle of the baby/toddler years looking after one dc for most of the day. Don't think I'd have actually enjoyed having 2 young dc with me all the time. But it seems a lot of those with small age gaps find it hard but prefer it in the end.

Pointless to plan it! You have no control over fertility/ successful pregnancy, and no control over the sibling relationship. Try for another baby when it’s right for you as a couple. And pointless to regret it - you can’t change it

We have 3.5, which is slightly longer than I had hoped. But, I love it. I feel like I get to experience their stages fully and they have seperate activities.
They also play well together- they are the same gender.

Yes this is how I felt with my large gap.

We have 4.5 years, which isn't uncommon as it means you only have one set of nursery fees at a time. I think you have to love the gap you've got. For us it can sometimes feel like having two only children as they haven't really played together, but they also don't try to compete against each other.

5 years and 2 months. Our youngest is only 3.5 months so not much experience but our 5 year old adores him, I'm also able to do the baby groups again and do things with the older one.

I only have one myself but I have two siblings. A twin and an older one who is four years older. It's more the personality than age that makes it work. We always played together, had days out together, went to the cinema together. All the things people think you can't do with a four age gap. It honestly wasn't a problem.

A lot of people get caught up in the age gaps and if they'll want to hang out as teens. In my experience, most teens want to hang out with their friends. I barely spoke to my twin throughout school, we weren't close at all!

My partner is 5.5 years older than his brother. Incredibly close and best friends and always have been and have wonderful childhood memories together.

As adults now they have mutual friends. Me and my twin have never had any mutual friends and haven't spoke or hung out in donkeys years.

You get what your given but please don't let stories of any age gap over 2 years be too big or they won't get on.

My experience so far has been that older children really like an excuse to play with "baby"/toddler toys. My older one has all sorts of fantastic toys and games, but when friends come around, they seem to end up playing with all the Happyland or duplo or hanging out in the playpen (which we use as toy storage now DC2 refuses to be confined in it).

2.5 years here, one of each and I wouldn’t change it. They get on well.

But I think it’s comes down to personalities and the way they are raised. My sibling and I haven’t got on since early teens and never really got back on track. There’s 2.9 years between us. My friends with the closest sibling relationships have gaps of 5 years and 8 years.

22 months, I think this was a really good gap.

28 month gap and that was great for us.
Family days out are easy to choose and they get on great.
Whatever age or personality they are though I think it is well worth helping the older one appreciate what it's happening, and helping them both learn to share and understand one another. Give them the tools for a healthy relationship and guide them in developing it, don't just assume it will happen naturally and see what happens. Then you get the best possible outcome you can given whatever personalities and ages you have.

I am enjoying 3yrs 9 months gap. Quality time with baby whilst older one is at nursery. Older one can help fetch nappies etc and be left safely in a room whilst I sort out baby. I would have found two little ones at home every day stressful. Time will tell whether it will be harder in the future and whether the gap will be a pain in terms of activities.

3 years, 2 months, but 4 school years between mine, they are teens now and we're glad we won't be supporting 2 at uni at the same time!

Thank you for letting me know that my 11 month age gap will NOT get easier🤣 mine are currently 2 & 3 and I want to rip my hair out most days. Solidarity!

There's 15 months between my two and while it was bloody knackering in the early years I'm glad it worked out that way. I look at people with children with bigger age gaps and I looks more challenging for them having to juggle kids of different ages. I think they had to be better organised parents than I did, tbh. It must be more difficult to properly manage the needs of children at different stages.

No, I thought 3 years was perfect when we did it and I still think it now, especially now we are planning ahead for university.

Mine are 2.5 years apart. I think it's just about right. They gre apart a bit when eldest first entered the teenage years but are now getting closer again. There's no guarantee though. My brother and I are 12 months apart and not close at all.

1 year 10 months gap and then 2 years 1 month gap.
All 3 have always been the very best of friends. Into the same things generally.
I wouldn't change a thing!

This is v reassuring!! About to have the same gaps but the other way round

A week shy of 9 years. It was ideal for me. Husband worked away so I was able to focus on little one during the school day, knowing older one was happily occupied. It wasn’t ideal in terms of playmates but older one enjoyed the baby.

Now that they’re adults, it’s fantastic. They have a lovely bond/relationship.

We have 3.5 years, currently the baby is 13 months and DC1 is 4.5.

It's great, I mean it's never going to be as easy as having 1 child but I think it's fine and everyone's happy.
As a PP has said the age gap won't seem so big when they're 8 and 11 type thing.

Just go with whatever suits you, your finances, your mental health. I've seen someone rush having a second and they had a really hard time having 2 under 2 and I don't think they were able to enjoy their second child as much as if they had waited a little longer.