My son is such hard work I cannot cope.

[TheTwirlyPoos]

He's five. Diagnosed ASD. Sociable. Doesn't stop talking.

Currently is just doing silly thing after silly thing. Climbing up a slide. Taking another go when I've said last one. Leaning into a road. I do not stop having to say 'put that down/leave that alone/don't do that'.

He constantly wants. We went to the park yesterday, he suddenly needs a poo, screaming that he needs one right now. I get him to a friend's house very close, all the way he's protesting it's too far. Get in the house he starts a conversation, so clearly not that desparate.

Went to a pub yesterday with a playground with his class for end of term. Didn't stop nagging for a slush puppy. At bedtime is teary and contrite. Go out today and the nagging for one starts again.

Im so so tired. He's so unbelievably demanding, the interaction all the time, I'm worn out

Are you just having to manage him? Or have you got younger ones as well?

Do whatever it takes to get him in some sort of holiday club. If he's really active, does he enjoy football or tag rugby or something to suit his high energy.

You just need time to yourself to manage it all. It's incredibly demanding and isolating as a SEN parent

I sympathize with you and with him. He sounds like he gets overwhelmed.

What’s with the ‘contrite’, what’s that about? Did he get a telling off for asking for the slush puppy?

Calm, consistent, patient and repeating yourself like a broken record. He'll get there, you'll probably just feel like you're going round the bend in the mean time!

Let him talk at you while you just go yeah, hmmm, ok every so often - he probably won't notice/care that you're not always listening fully. 5 years old has got to be peak time for silly behaviour, it will get better - don't have too high expectations, he's still little and has SEN.

Tbh this is exactly my two children. One NT and one suspected ND.
They are constantly pushing boundaries, not listening and nagging.
Honestly, it just sounds like normal kid behaviour.

It does get better. You are at the peak right now of demands. It never goes away entirely, but the need for constant support begins to reduce from 6. And you'll see big changes by the time he's 8. My son was terrible for lashing out. He still gets overstimulated, but is now building cognitive overrides. He has to think about it, but he can stop himself with more reliability. And the recovery time from meltdowns is much reduced.

I always say to my DS, he's undiagnosed atm, 'ok so we're going to the soft play today, you play for abit then half way we'll have a break and have some cake'

So I'm letting him know he can have one, he doesn't ask until he's ready for a break.

It's hard as I sometimes need just a 5 minute break from the talking etc but I remind myself he didn't talk at one point when he should have been and I longed to hear his voice.

You need to find family that can help out. He needs to be able to spend time with family, sleepovers etc. This way his endless questions have a new audience and may get a better reception and you get a rest, so you are recharged.

People don’t understand that it’s relentless, every min of the day they need bio feedback. So if it’s you he is around all day….its you he is bouncing off. So you need to expand your care circle.

Also, urgently needing a poo is not his fault, although I appreciate that kind of derail from your planned attempt to get to the park would have been draining and a big challenge for you.

I guess what’s underlying both of my posts is, I’m wondering if the toll this is taking on you — totally understandably — is kind of spilling over into exasperation with him for stuff that he actually can’t help? I’m raising that possibility with compassion for you, though, because I’ve been there.

Are there any short, quiet activities that he might try, even for a very short time?

Especially something like a story or music with headphones, where you would get some silence.

Can you train him to do this activity.
Us a visual timetable, ‘first we will do this, next it is story/music time’.

Start with this activity for say two minutes, with a timer so he can see. If he achieves, extend it to suit. Praise when he has and then his choice of activity.

This is exactly what we do with our ds, just prepare, prepare and more preparing. Set expectations from the go. The downside is obviously not everything will go exactly as expected all the time so we need to manage those times.

He never stops and absolutely notices if we've tuned out. He can be on the go from 6.30 till midnight sometimes.

He's 4.5 and very into his version of imaginary play - which is a very set scenario which must be played in the exact way over and over, day after day. Even the set up has to be the same, as far down to which side of the toy treehouse hammock the toy lunchbox goes!

He's obsessed with us "being" characters (from books, telly etc) and we have to tell him for an example that at the restaurant we're just mum and dad then we can be Rabbit and Piglet when we get home. You can be Tigger if you like, but indoor voice please 🤣

I've tried the timer before, he just stand in the playroom and waits for it to go off. Breaks my heart.

Yes I did tell him off because I'd told him no over and over again and it totally dominated the afternoon.

We have no family circle. My mum died six days ago. My dad is immobile and 82. MiL has moved 562 miles away.

We have a 3 year old DD so is also highly strung, prone to meltdowns etc. They both did 100 piece puzzles each this morning. But not without me sitting between them and giving genuinely constant help and encouragement. The moment I left to wee the arguments started.

Im sorry your mum has died. That must be difficult for you. I’m also sorry you don’t have family around to help.

Again, reaching out to friends. Even if it’s just so you can go to the supermarket on your own.

Screen time, obviously as long as it’s age appropriate- don’t feel bad if you have to use it more than you would like. Especially if it allows you to get things done around the house.

ADHD may well be on the horizon. Meds help hugely.

Yes he could be tho the assessor didn't think he was showing many signs.

We use a lot of screen time im afraid.

All 5 year olds are little buggers. He'll probably get better with age.

Solidarity. My 4 year old is identical - could have written all of this word for word. Also awaiting ASD assessment. So intense, impulsive, hyperactive and demanding, both of novel things and my energy. My same age nephew is not like this at all. My SIL is required to parent him at approximately 10% of the effort and time of what I have to do with DS. It’s exhausting and I’m so overstimulated. I’m following for tips.

My DS is the same, also ASD, I totally sympathise, it's exhausting. All I can say is, it has got mych easier and at the age of 10 he is really great company. Sorry I can't give advice but I do give you solidarity.

I agree you need a break. It sounds like he has loads of energy and I'd try to get him on to a multi sport course from 9-4pm a few days each week during the holiday weeks you are not going away on holiday.

Without wishing to derail OP, can i ask how old you are? Just thinking if your mum has passed and your dad is 82, are you possibly hitting peri /meno yourself and its not helping? Obv its a challenging situation but i wonder if its further exacerbated if hormones are adding to you feeling tired/impatient/low energy?

And if so could investigating hrt or similar for yourself help?
Not trying to take the focus off the kids needs as obviously thats really tough, just trying to think of things that might help you

Hi OP,

I'm sorry things are so hard. This resonates with me and my ds is 14. I'm not sure what the answer is but wanted to send sympathy.

I think that the thing with elderly parents and complicated children at the same time is especially hard, particularly if you have just lost your Mum. That must be incredibly challenging.

Without wishing to derail OP, can i ask how old you are? Just thinking if your mum has passed and your dad is 82, are you possibly hitting peri /meno yourself and its not helping? Obv its a challenging situation but i wonder if its further exacerbated if hormones are adding to you feeling tired/impatient/low energy?

I was going to say this

He doesn't sound beyond the realm of a NT 5 year old. They are silly, energetic, often lack empathy etc. They are tiring but i think especially so if you are (perhaps) a slightly older parent.

I was late 30s when mine were that age and I'm grateful now that i didn't have them older as I would not have coped well with young children & peri.

Im 36. I might be peri but he is way, way beyond the demands of most of my friends children who are the same age. I don't think anyone around me would describe me as low energy.

We are going away for a week but DH will need to work (he's coming with us he will need to work from the house) but hopefully the children's godparents will also come and that's a help. I've got him in a sports club for four days across two weeks towards the end of August and DH has a week off next week.

They also seem so much more destructive than other kids. They drop things, chip them, crack things. Mostly accidents (like the yoto player he thiught he'd put in the bath so he could have a story in the bath) but he's also broken things out of aggression. Tonight CD chipped a decorative bowl my mum bought her.