Toddler refusing a bath

[24HoursFromTulseHill]

DS is 2.3 years old and has been having nightly baths since he was a baby.
Last week he had a couple of upsetting experiences in the bath and now refuses to go in it (he did a poo in the bath one night and the following night I needed to wash his hair when he was too tired and he got upset).
I don't think it's a sensory thing, because he still enjoys washing his hands at the sink and playing with water in the garden.
He now refuses to go in the bath, regardless of whether it's empty or has some water in, so we've been doing flannel washes next to the bath instead but it's been 10 days now and his hair needs another wash.
I've tried coaxing him into the shower with little success.
His nursery workers say to keep on exposing him to the bath every night but not forcing him in it, to keep the familiarity and build up his confidence.
I've tried going in with him or dangling my feet in the water with no success. New bath toys haven't worked either. Our bath is a deep roll top bath that he needs to be lifted in and out of and he's an absolute control freak so I think that's part of the issue.

What else can I try or how long might this go on for?

Never been in this situation and it sounds tough! Can you tempt into the bath with his favourite toys? Maybe a yummy snack once he has managed to sit in the bath? So he makes new and better associations with bath time?

Can't you just put him in?
You're the parent.

Stop pandering to a child.

Can you try a shallow container rather than a deep bath with high sides? If the weather is warm enough fill a paddling pool and let him play so he overcomes his aversion. Otherwise try to find something else indoors to bathe him in for a while . Let him watch you in the bath and talk to him, play music/ read him a story so that he forgets his bad experience .

You sound like a great parent.

Can you get some steps to allow him the control of getting in?

Because when I do, he screams his head off goes red in the face and thrashes around inside a hard enamel bath with huge metal taps and it's also my job to stop him getting injured.
He's terrified and I'd like to avoid scaring him even further, if I can at all help it.
This isn't a life saving injection, it's a weekly bath, that he used to enjoy, so I'm holding off on the nuclear option for a little while longer.

I've tried putting the stool he uses to reach the tap next to the bath for him to climb up himself, but he won't step on it.

That's what I'll try if the shower doesn't work out - I've been eyeing up my washing up bowl to see if I can get him to stand in it.

This.

We have a Stokke Flexi bath (due to there being no bath in our house). It can be easily stepped in and out of even by a young toddler and is obviously much smaller than a normal bath. Maybe something like that is worth trying?

Yeah in my house, he'd be going in, like it or not.

My DC often protest then love it once they're in. You could try having measures to help deal with poo (we kept a slotted spoon by the bath, obv got kid out and emptied water too!) and shampoo child hat thing or flannel to keep shampoo out of their eyes. Show him to explain why it's ok.

But ultimately I agree that you're the boss. Some things are non negotiable - basic hygiene, medicine, bedtime etc.

I've washed toddlers in the kitchen sink at various times for various reasons. They think it's absolutely hilarious.

If you get a bowl to wash him in, make sure it will fit securely in the bath tub. No wobbling. That way you can transition from washing him in the bowl on the floor, to washing him in the bowl in the tub (present it to him that it's so that he can splash without worrying about making a mess).

Bath crayons are brilliant for a relevant bather.

I think the sticking point is that he did a shit in the bath and now he's uncomfortable about using the bath. What was your reaction when he did this?

When mine became scared of baths after having one at my dad's and being worried by the very noisy plughole, we had a few nights of 'pirate baths' in the garden, which involved warm bubbly water in a shallow paddling pool, lots of toy boats, and a clean watering can.

See above.
Thrashing limbs, violent shaking of his head, hard enamel bath, huge metal taps.
I kinda like the little guy, so I'm keen to avoid him getting hurt.

We said it was ok & normal and took him out of the water while we removed the poo and offered to put him in again but he didn't want to. We were nearly done anyway so just moved onto doing teeth & pyjamas.

You offered to put him back in the shitty water ? I would have refused too.

Is this really what you meant OP? If so, I'm doing a pearl clutch for the first time in my entire life!

Wrap a towel or something around the taps. Quick wash and he's out and you've won the argument for that day.

No, obviously we changed the water and cleaned the bath before refilling it.
That would be what I call removing the poo.

I never bathed my kids every night as they had terrible skin but I'd just put a toddler in the bath.

When my son was about 2 he decided he hated baths. I kept telling myself it was a phase he'd get over, but unfortunately he's now 3 and still hates them. I tried EVERYTHING to keep him calm - nice music, fun toys, giving him control etc. Nothing worked. Seems to be hair washes with us that's the main issue as well.

I shower him once a week to wash his hair. It goes down exactly the same as baths, but it's a lot quicker 😟 Hope you have more success that me!

We had this for a while too. We did what you are doing and used a flannel etc but it did get to a point where hair needed to be washed.

A couple of things we tried were some new bath toys that he hadn't seen before and then having him play with them whilst one of us showered and then eventually he let us shower him and then we managed to get some water in the bath and stop having to have the shower on. He will now do both.

We also used his swimming goggles for him to hold over his eyes whilst having his hair washed.

He will now let us do it without the googles as I think we've built the trust back up.

Have you tried a £1 mini paddling pool (the blow up ones) from Poundland or supermarket.

It can be used in garden or on bathroom/ kitchen floor.

Tell him that using the bath is negotiable and this is an alternative.

But washing his hair is not negotiable.

I think being firm but fair is usually the best way to get around this. Being empathetic to his worries but also making it clear he has to find a way. Good lesson in resilience.

My son has issues around baths/washing generally so we do get phases where he refuses baths. He wasn't keen on them as a baby, then was ok then I think around 2/2.5 we had our first phase of full on fear/refusal.

Sometimes we'd just wash him with a flannel, either in the bath (with no water in) or at the sink.

He can't have a shower because "the water feels pointy"

Things we've found that help - make sure the temperature is ok FOR HIM - I say this because we discovered my son much preferred a cooler bath.

Steps to get in.

Outdoor/paddling pool "baths" instead.

We got a big toddler tub thing off Amazon and used that as his bath for months, then built back up to the big bath.

Lots of bubbles, toys, potions etc.

He's 4.5 and we've just come through another phase of bath refusing again. Sometimes me and DH would both have to be there to get him in and once he was in and sat in the water he was fine and now he happily goes in again. We're enjoying it while it lasts!