At what point, do you get to have your own family traditions for Christmas etc

[offsidecrown1224]

Every Christmas is dominated by visiting my parents and my husband’s parents coming to stay. As of yet, we haven’t had a Christmas Day for just us as a little family.

Is it sort of expected that this continues until both sets of parents pass away, or at some point do we get to be more independent and have our own Christmas Day?

I’m particularly concerned now as my parents recently chose to move 4.5 hours drive away (and I’ll have a baby and toddler to take on that drive - which’ll end up being much longer than 4.5 hours). It would mean a great chunk of Christmas (my husband gets 1.5 weeks off - construction worker) is spent travelling or having people stay.

Feeling exhausted thinking about it. Possibly I’m being grumpy because of pregnancy hormones!

You need to get much tougher @offsidecrown1224 . Your siblings don't get to allow or not allow anything! You are an adult with your own family. You don't need to go away as an excuse, just tell them you are at home for Christmas this year. Do it. We are behind you. 🤛

My son is 4 and we've always alternated between our parents for the last 15 years but generally went with whatever the parents wanted to do. But last year I said to DH his mum can come to us or go to her other family for the day because I'm happy to host but I don't wanna be rushing around and dragging ds away from his toys etc. We're hosting my family this year which I'm looking forward to.

My parents did the same when I was little, they would happily host whoever, but didn't want to be dragging us for long meals out or over to relatives when we just wanted to set our new games up and be with them!

I think you just need to woman up and say with being pregnant (can't remember if you will have a baby by Christmas) or have a newborn that travelling is too much

It then takes away the expectation of you always travelling for Christmas. I think you have to accept you may not have family for Christmas but frankly with young ones I think it's much better in their own home if family can't make any adaptations for you

When I got married we decided to have our first Christmas on our own. DH was so amazed by how lovely it was compared to his own Bleak House Christmas's. He had seen how my family had lovely Christmas. That set the scene and we have never been 'back home'.

Fortunately in the last 40 years we only had MIL visit twice

At the point when you put your foot down and say, "No thank you, we're doing this, feel free to join us if you wish."

Get tougher. What would your ideal Christmas look like?

Tell them this year that from now on you will be spending Christmas at home with your family. If you are happy to host then you can offer - it doesn't matter if your sister won't allow it or if your parents won't travel, that is their choice but you have offered. You tell anyone that is interested in joining you that they will need to stay in a hotel and give them a list of nearby hotels. And that's that. As for "your parents might not be around next year" don't let anyone guilt trip you, any of us could become ill or have an accident that means we aren't around next year.