He’s lying isn’t he?

[Unopenedpackofmenssocks]

DS just turned 8. This afternoon he had two friends round and I offered everyone a cookie from a batch I made yesterday, went down a treat. After his friends left he was a bit disappointed they didn’t stay longer so I let him have a second cookie to cheer him up, made it clear that was a special treat and 2 in one day was plenty.

I went upstairs to get on with some work and I heard the sound of something falling. “What was that noise DS?” I shouted downstairs. “I don’t know Mummy.” came the reply. I was in middle of something so once I was sure he was OK I just got on with my work.

About 20 mins later DH comes home and I hear him say to DS “what is this jar doing broken on the floor”? “I don’t know Daddy”. DH tells him he is bang to rights and he’s obviously been sneaking a cookie. This is done in a gentle “what are you like, cheeky monkey” way not a serious telling off, but DS gets upset and insists that he was nowhere near it and it must have fallen all by itself. This escalates into some quite intense “How can you accuse me of lying? and DS insisting that if he was trying to be sneaky he would not have left the jar on the floor.

The jar is as in the pic. It’s plastic so it hadn’t shattered or anything, but the lid had detached. I honestly can’t say if I left it open or closed, or how many cookies were in it when I went upstairs, but could it possibly have overbalanced if the lid was open like in the picture? We don’t have any pets, nor does the house shake when trains go past or anything!

DS was adamant that he was being falsely accused. Came to me crying that Daddy didn’t believe him. Insists he was in a different room when the jar fell.

Thing is though, he is really quite obsessed by those cookies and has form for fibbing.

Neither of us has been able to break him, he is absolutely doubling down, to the point that I started to doubt myself and now I’m starting to worry that he will forever bear a grudge against his parents who did not believe him when he was telling the truth.

What do we do? Do we drop it as we only have circumstantial evidence and risk alienating our son forever, or do we trust our instincts and punish him for telling lies? I worry that he’s getting a kick out of fooling us and that needs to be nipped in the bud, but he is only 8!

This is somewhat lighthearted but there is a serious concern underneath it- what do you do with an 8 year-old who seems to be a bloody good liar?! Enrol him in drama school and hope that keeps him out of prison?

It's a cookie...

Er, yes, I know?

Oh to have your problem OP! It's a cookie, not crack.

I’m sorry, were you disappointed when you clicked on my click bait thread title? Expecting yet another DH hiding cocaine and hookers? Soz. Clue was in the board name I’m afraid.

1. it is lighthearted
2. Lying is quite an important thing to discourage in a child, surely?

Circumstantial evidence🤣 get yourself a detective like Monk and then schedule a full trial with a judge, jury and everything to see if you can "break him". Poor kid. I'm totally against lying and stealing but your reaction is way OTT. Why make a big deal out of the cookies being a treat? They are just food. They carry no judgement or emotion. They are one of life's simple pleasures and shouldn't be liberally sprinkled with anything remotely negative.

You don’t really have a sense of humour do you? Maybe get some sleep?

Christ !

I think I’d just let it go, love, tbh

I do, I'm laughing about the alleged stolen cookie, but then I'm not the one stressing and starting a thread about it. I do like a fun late night thread. Fun aside, are you ok? It's late, it's a cookie and this level of angst suggests it's not just about possibly lying about a cookie. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I can see why he lies tbf.

'Alright, whatever little buddy. But now you know, if you do things and lie about it, people won't believe you in future when you're actually innocent'.

It's the boy who cried wolf teachable moment.

No need to punish further.

What do we do? Do we drop it as we only have circumstantial evidence and risk alienating our son forever, or do we trust our instincts and punish him for telling lies? I worry that he’s getting a kick out of fooling us and that needs to be nipped in the bud, but he is only 8!

It’s hard to believe you’ve already made such a giant deal out of this but I think a simple “Kiddo, if you say you didn’t take the cookie, we believe you. I know you know that taking things you’ve been told not to touch is wrong, and so is lying. So if you say you didn’t do it, we believe you and we are sorry.”

Have a little faith in your child. If he’s a decent kid and he was lying, he’ll feel guilty and learn the lesson. If he’s been lying and takes this as a cue to keep trying to get away with it, you’ll have more serious things to have to decide to “punish him” over in the future. And if he was telling the truth all along, you won’t have damaged your relationship with him.

I’m perfectly fine, thank you. There is no angst. I disagree with you that children should be allowed to eat unlimited biscuits though.

Where did I say children should be allowed to eat unlimited biscuits?

Jesus Christ no giant deal was made. The post contains exaggeration for comic effect.

DS was the one who went way OTT with the weeping and wailing and kitten-eyed accusations of unfair persecution.

Why make a big deal out of the cookies being a treat? They are just food. They carry no judgement or emotion. They are one of life's simple pleasures and shouldn't be liberally sprinkled with anything remotely negative.

Negative things like “no, you can’t have another one”.

Maybe there is crack in the cookies. It might explain things

I think he might wonder what aliens have done with his parents if we start calling him “Little buddy” or “kiddo” but otherwise good advice, thanks!

Tbf OP, it’s not immediately obvious from your original post that this was intended to be lighthearted or that your concerns were exaggerated - so it’s not surprising you’re getting the responses you are.

On a serious note, there was an incident (not food related) when I was around the same age as your son that I got blamed for when my little sister swore she hadn’t been responsible and my parents believed it must have been me. I got in a lot of trouble for it for quite a few days and I remember being really upset, but also from a pure frustration/anger point of view that no one would believe me (even though I was def the more likely culprit!) I remember then getting in more trouble for being upset about it because it seemed like I was doubling down on the lie.

Realistically even if it was him, it’s just a biscuit. The fact it sounds like he’s so very upset about it makes me think he’s having a hard time processing his emotions generally, and it might be worth dropping this either way and keeping an eye on that.

I obviously could be way off and not trying to be dramatic for what it’s worth!

Jesus Christ no giant deal was made. The post contains exaggeration for comic effect.

DS was the one who went way OTT with the weeping and wailing and kitten-eyed accusations of unfair persecution.

The snippy tone of all of your replies and the way you’ve exaggerated what some people have said in order to make them seem unreasonable does rather suggest your grasp of “comic effect” isn’t all that certain.

Is it really lighthearted though? Your husband made him cry by hassling him about the cookies and then you continued to interrogate him. Might be a laugh for you but probably not for your son.

If you are wrong and he didn't steal a cookie, the feelings of resentment and injustice of being disbelieved when he was telling the truth will have a much bigger impact than getting away with a lie imo. If he did it well it was just a cookie and you'll catch him out next time, if he didn't, he stops trusting you to be on his side whem he tells the truth. That's my remembered experience from being a kid anyway.

I've read your posts several times, OP, and apart from the 'drama school' bit, I didn't see the lightheartedness.

Your husband made your child cry.

Both you and your H need to take a cold shower.

How do you see your control issues and your H's bullying panning out over the coming years, when it comes to your child's feelings of being safe in the home you all share?

Here’s my experience.
When I was 3, our cat had kittens - and I was fascinated with them. I was out in the back with them all the time. I loved those kittens.
One day, one of the kittens had a limp. My family blamed me - and no amount of protesting on my part could convince them that “I didn’t hurt the kitty.” But I didn’t hurt the kitty.
That evening, my father & older brother held me down and wrapped two sticks around my leg with stretchy bandages and laughed at me while my mum sat there and said nothing. They scolded me and said that’s what happens when you get your leg hurt.
But I didn’t hurt the kitty.
It’s been SIXTY FIVE YEARS and they’re all dead, they died never believing me.
And I’ll never forget that.
Sometimes not believing a child does leave a lasting impression.

You are getting a hard time OP but if you reread your post there is no comic effect or lightheartedness - it reads like you are very worried that your ds is lying to you, it's giving you angst and you want advice on punishment. People are responding to this - hence the "it's only a cookie" and calm down comments. Your are reading the room totally differently!