He’s lying isn’t he?

[Unopenedpackofmenssocks]

DS just turned 8. This afternoon he had two friends round and I offered everyone a cookie from a batch I made yesterday, went down a treat. After his friends left he was a bit disappointed they didn’t stay longer so I let him have a second cookie to cheer him up, made it clear that was a special treat and 2 in one day was plenty.

I went upstairs to get on with some work and I heard the sound of something falling. “What was that noise DS?” I shouted downstairs. “I don’t know Mummy.” came the reply. I was in middle of something so once I was sure he was OK I just got on with my work.

About 20 mins later DH comes home and I hear him say to DS “what is this jar doing broken on the floor”? “I don’t know Daddy”. DH tells him he is bang to rights and he’s obviously been sneaking a cookie. This is done in a gentle “what are you like, cheeky monkey” way not a serious telling off, but DS gets upset and insists that he was nowhere near it and it must have fallen all by itself. This escalates into some quite intense “How can you accuse me of lying? and DS insisting that if he was trying to be sneaky he would not have left the jar on the floor.

The jar is as in the pic. It’s plastic so it hadn’t shattered or anything, but the lid had detached. I honestly can’t say if I left it open or closed, or how many cookies were in it when I went upstairs, but could it possibly have overbalanced if the lid was open like in the picture? We don’t have any pets, nor does the house shake when trains go past or anything!

DS was adamant that he was being falsely accused. Came to me crying that Daddy didn’t believe him. Insists he was in a different room when the jar fell.

Thing is though, he is really quite obsessed by those cookies and has form for fibbing.

Neither of us has been able to break him, he is absolutely doubling down, to the point that I started to doubt myself and now I’m starting to worry that he will forever bear a grudge against his parents who did not believe him when he was telling the truth.

What do we do? Do we drop it as we only have circumstantial evidence and risk alienating our son forever, or do we trust our instincts and punish him for telling lies? I worry that he’s getting a kick out of fooling us and that needs to be nipped in the bud, but he is only 8!

This is somewhat lighthearted but there is a serious concern underneath it- what do you do with an 8 year-old who seems to be a bloody good liar?! Enrol him in drama school and hope that keeps him out of prison?

I always used to point out what @MotherofChaosandDestruction said, that if you do something wrong and lie about it, you get in more trouble than if you confess and own up to whatever you did wrong. And yes, then just leave it. Unless it's a pattern of behaviour and he always lies about things it's not something to worry about too much.

I think he has lied because he knew he would be in trouble.

PMSL at the people who think the problem with eating three massive cookies in a row before your dinner is that there will be none left for the adults in the house. No wonder people are obese.

I’m not remotely embarrassed or upset. For the avoidance of doubt, we did not tie our son to a chair and interrogate him Good Cop Bad Cop style. I think we each had a brief separate conversation giving him the chance to own up.

He knows the Boy who Cried Wolf story very well already. I am grateful for the nuggets of sensible advice amongst the hyperbolic accusations of being a control freak married to a bully, who does not like her child and is lax in keeping an inventory of her baked goods, while storing up a lifetime of emotional issues centred around food.

I’m only disappointed I didn’t get an “LTB” (leave the biscuits).

I would let it go.Houses do move a little.is your house joined on or detached?

i love this...

as a parent... i just knew when my kids were lying! i made it very clear very early on that i do no accept lies.. there was no ranting or raving, no punishments or groundings..

my now adult children tell me they didn't dare lie to me, because i would use the term 'i'm not angry, i'm dissappointed!' and apparently this crushed them!

looks like you have moved into the 'time to decided what kind of parent i'm going to be' phase.. this cookie is a test.. if he gets away with it (cos he very clearly has taken the cookie and you seriously need to give your head a shake) then this is where the fun starts... first a lie about cookies... who knows where it will lead.

stamp it out NOW

I was thinking maybe coke the way everyone was overreacting 😜

LTB

You’re raising a right little crim.

Good god.

I think a boarding school sounds like a good solution, then you could eat "cookies" or biscuits 🙄to your heart's content, child free!

I work with kids, so I get lied to quite often - it's an occupational hazard. Really lovely kids will lie when they do something they didn't intend to and feel humiliated by the fall out. Frankly, almost everyone will lie to get out of trouble - adults too. He's doubled down now because it's become such a big deal, where else can he go?

He probably feels awful.

I understand it's frustrating when you are 98% certain you are being lied to, but given that you can't be 100% sure, punishing him would be massively inappropriate. (And it's a bit extreme even if you did know for sure he was lying - it's not a malicious lie after all, it's one told out of massive embarrassment and shame).

No doubt your son can lie and will lie in the future. As I said, almost everybody can and does. Focus on raising him to be kind and good, and not tell lies that hurt or damage others - that's the really important thing. It doesn't really matter if he took the cookie. It's therefore not a hill worth dying on.