Worried about DD’s ‘obese’ weight

[Peachylove]

DD6 stepped on the scales this morning (she doesn’t know what they are or what it means she just put it there when brushing her teeth) I had a look and she weighs 27.7KG. DS7 then did the same and he weighs 18KG. I checked on the BMI calculator and it says she’s obese!!

Ive been concerned about her weight for months but all friends and family tell me she’s fine and not to worry, but seeing how much she weighs has made me more worried. The weight is distributed all over, I guess some would say she has a chunky frame, but she does have a tummy that’s becoming more visible.. she’s in age 6/7 clothes though.

I don’t want to give her a complex or make her feel like she’s anything less than perfect but I think I need to find a way for her to lose some weight but I don’t know how to do that?!

I have 4 DC, they all eat roughly the same foods in varying portion sizes. Her brothers are all slim/skinny frame so I do wonder if she has a lower metabolism than them. DD6 & DS7 have the same size portions, she will polish off everything on her plate every meal time and always asks for more which I don’t often give her but I hate to think she’s actually hungry and I’m refusing food but I also don’t want her to be unhealthy or start to get picked on.

Her daily food goes something like this:

Breakfast 6.30/45am - she usually chooses 2 weetabix with honey & semi skimmed milk or 1 peice of toast.

8.30am - breakfast bar or piece of fruit on the way to school

10/10:30 - snack provided by school, always fruit or veg

12:00 - school dinner. She usually chooses jacket potato with cheese & salad, they do have a dessert also.

3.30pm - after school snack, they’re allowed one (sometimes 2) things out of our ‘snack basket’ which is less healthy options like squares, mini cookies, crisps, fruit roll ups etc then if they’re still hungry they can have fruit/frube/babybel. She usually ends up having 3 items as she moans that she’s really hungry

5.30/6pm - dinner, I make meals from scratch most of the time with veg, but on Mondays & Tuesdays they have quick oven food as we have clubs and don’t get back till later

she does gym, dance & cheerleading every week

be honest, what can I do to help her?

Something that might help the transition are the little pots of fruit in juice (not syrup) like Dole make, even Lidl stocks little pots of mandarins in juice. Single portion size in a little tub appealing to children.

It doesn’t matter if they’re a healthy size, it’s not a healthy diet and it isn’t in his best interest.

Also look very carefully at what she's drinking.

I would also look carefully at her activity levels. So many children here are ferried everywhere door to door. Then outside of organised activities they are spending a lot of time on screens.

I would make sure she is active every day and that it is just built into your routine. Park further away from places. Reduce screen time. Build activities into every day.

I am pretty disabled and I still park further away from school than most parents (we live rurally so driving is essential, but parking as close to the school gates as humanly possible is not)

While I agree that cutting out the refined and processed sugar is a good thing, there's quite a lot of hand wringing on this thread.

DS was significantly and properly overweight at a similar age. It was a huge issue for us, and him. As has been suggested on here, cutting out a lot of the treats helped. But I think what was AS important was shifting his food to really make sure it was more balanced. I think it's very easy to slip into what I think of as "easy kids food for kids who don't eat much" - so things like spaghetti bolognaise is a great meal in that it can be very nutritious etc and is often the default for little kids who tend not to eat very much.

But DS could eat an adult sized portion aged 6 - and that is NOT good. So we put a lot of effort into making meals that had a good portion of protein, lots of vegetables and a "normal" portion of carbohydrates. eg, we still had spaghetti bologniase but much less often and I massivel increased the volume of vegetables included in the portion.

What we started eating far more of was, for example, salmon with noodles/rice and a big stir fry; chicken tray bakes with new potatoes and steamed veg; steak/chops with some wedges and big salads or chicken/halloumi fajitas with lots of peppers and onions. It was helped by the fact that DS was not a fussy eater - If I give him a chicken salad with some garlic bread on the side he'll eat it as enthusiastically as he does that spag bol.

We upped the eggs at breakfast (sorry for your other DS) on the basis that weetabix or toast didn't really do the job. He did sometimes have toast/bagel with peanut butter. I also sometimes made smoothies with oats and fruit and flaxseeds.

The othe rissue is excercise. At that age, DS was doign various sports but it was all very "bitty" - so yes, he'd go to practice but they'd only do 45 minutes and lots of it was standing around waiting for their classmates or watching the teacher demonstrate. We have as similar issue now with DD's fitness - she does loads of dance classes but she's only now getting to the point at which dance involves consistent, high level of activity for 45 minutes at least. I used to take him swimming a lot, and encouraged him to swim laps with me (we signed up for a charity swim) - it can be a great way to get them to remain active rather than constant stop and start. Team sports like football are good too - they tend to be moving a lot throughout the sessions although at 6, the sessions are short.

Oh, and something else we do a lot still now which is helpful for DD (who is not overweight but is close to it and it's something we keep a close eye on but there are a few additional factors there at play too) is pancakes and waffles at breakfast.

Banana pancakes here are:

6-8 loaded dessert spoons of self raising flour (probably works out to about a cup? I keep meaning to measure)
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
2 eggs
Enough milk (cow or oat) to blend to a thick smooth batter before adding 2 mashed bananas and mixing in.

No added sugar. Ds has his plain. DD has a small bit of syrup with hers.

Our waffle mixture is a bit more calorific but still not terrible- 1 cup flour, 1tblsp sugar, 2 tbsp oil, 2 eggs, 1 cup milk. This makes 8 smallish waffles - DD has 3 for breakfast, DS has 4 or 5. Again, DS has his totally plain although DD does have a little chocolate sauce or nutella (albeit we're very stingy with it). She also sometimes has hers with strawberries.

there's more nutrition though, and limited sugar, so we like it.

Probably very old fashioned but why is 'snacking' so important? So many people seem to believe that a bit of hunger is a terrible thing and must be avoided by shovelling in snacks the moment a pang is felt (or even beforehand, as a preventative measure!).

When I was a kid, any mention of hunger was met with either the offer of a piece of fruit or, if mealtime was approaching, then "well, you'll enjoy your dinner then" (which I would!). This was back in the 70s though when 2 biscuits after dinner was 'afters' and a bar of chocolate or packet of crisps was our Friday night treat 😄

If you have a family history of nut allergies and they can currently tolerate nuts the absolute best thing you can do to keep them tolerating nuts is to keep giving them nuts.
If they go in and out of their diets it's more likely that they will develop allergies to nuts. Advice on managing allergy risks has changed in recent years so it might be worth reviewing the literature.

I'd try to keep it simple and focus on increasing nutritional value of every meal/snack rather than focus on removing stuff. That being said, with the amount of sugar she's eating you're programming your DD to want to eat more and to have a sweet tooth. You don't need honey on Weetabix. Fruit roll ups are no better than sweets really. Habits like that will be hard to change on the quiet.

My DD(7) understands that on the days she does sport after school that her snacks are serving a purpose of being fuel so she has learned that wholegrains etc. and sources of protein like cheese, meat, yoghurt, seeds are all useful for giving her useful energy that'll last until dinner time.

With good quality yoghurt, a small drizzle of honey is fine as the massive nutritional benefit of live plain yoghurt makes the little bit of sugar worthwhile. Try Tim's Dairy Kefir - it doesn't have the tang that make other plain yoghurt unpalatable.

Add some good savoury options into the snack basket like sesame crackers, small servings of nuts etc. The novelty might lead them to try them over the sugary stuff.

If DD is hungry at the end of a meal whatever I offer her tends to be savoury as this sorts out genuine hunger from hankering for sweet stuff.

I find MN very confusing when it comes to advice on feeding kids. Most of the advice on this thread is exactly how I plan meals for our family and I make a huge effort to ensure children's food and snacks are minimally processed and not always sweet.

There are so many threads about how limiting children's sugar intake and not allowing them to 'self-regulate' (not that my DC would achieve that!) is setting them up for binging when they are able to pick their own food. From personal experience, I can say that the more sweet things I eat, the more I want and it goes round and round. If I have less to start with, I don't crave it but I do enjoy when I am out. I love my chocolate/ice cream/cake as much as many but they just don't feature in my diet everyday.

Sorry OP I know I am not really answering your question (although my advice would mirror what many others have said with regards to the snacks and meal content - we simply don't have pre-packaged snacks and cereals on a daily basis, just days out and holidays). I model a balanced plate to my children but they aren't always keen on the vegetables, I just hope they will get there with time (and blend them into sauces in the meantime - they do know this!)

Just one little tip re her after school hunger... a dietitian once told me that kids are generally a bit dehydrated after school, and they confuse thirst with hunger. So she suggested making sure they have a big glass of water as soon as they get home, then have afternoon tea, so they are less inclined to overeat.

Breakfast then a breakfast bar:
This is an indication that breakfast is not filling her. Perhaps give her banana, peanut butter or something with more protein.
Breakfast bars:
Tend to be ultraprocessed and will trigger hunger quickly
15:30 snack:
Sugary treats ditto the breakfast bar. Try some nuts and seeds with some greek yogurt so she doesn't need the extras.

The odd ice lolly is fine as long as it is plain fruit and not a magnum
look for one without gums, stabilisers and additives.

I feel like the answer is always reduce sugar, increase protein and more exercise.

If you only offer low sugar, high protein snacks they'll definitely eat less of them - peanut butter on oatcakes, boiled eggs, cheese cubes, hummus and carrot sticks, cooked chicken or ham etc. Don't feel that you're depriving your boys either, they don't need the sugary stuff (and may even prefer savoury, protein-heavy things in my experience).

Given free rein a lot of kids would eat the same thing day in day out. The lack of variety isn't great for her, tbh, she'll likely feel fuller more quickly if she has new things more often. Someone who eats grapes everyday develops gut bacteria that gets more out of grapes, so she's getting max calories from the foods she eats, but probably missing out on nutrients as well.

Also healthy to get used to occasionally being hungry, she won't die from not being topped up every three hours, her body will kick into action and she'll develop better habits. Too many kids think a tiny amount of hunger is a serious issue that must be instantly fixed. It's good to learn not to stress, you'll eat soon and maybe even enjoy it more if you've developed an appetite.

You also need to stop comparing the boys with your daughter, well comparing altogether regardless of gender. My sister and I both ate the same but I was always heavier despite being way fitter and healthier when we were young. My body type just is 'sturdier' whereas she was very slim naturally but it doesn't mean they was anything wrong with me. Your son is very small compared to your daughter, what are their heights? Also I wouldn't go by BMI I would go by centiles at this age still. When I was a size 8/10 (near killed me to get that small) barely eating and exercising extensively it was just about putting me in healthy range. I don't rate BMI estimations at all

But definitely address the sugar content and look for better alternatives. I think it's great to focus on being healthy and healthy choices more as you are than her weight as you risk her having a really bad outlook on weight etc as she gets older

Swap the snack basket for a fruit bowl.

Your daughter is heavier than my 10 year old but believe me my child's diet is much worse and she doesn't do any activities that burn calories.
I would try cutting down on your daughters snacks but every child is built differently.

I re-weighed my son this morning after the concerned comments, and he’s actually 19.8kg, no idea why my brain read that as 18!! My bad.

thanks sooo much for all the advice I really appreciate you taking the time to help us. Rather embarrassed that I’ve been getting it wrong for so long.

Had a chat with the kids this morning about being healthier and they were very enthusiastic about it, they helped me make breakfast which was toast & fruit (food shop day so had minimal choices) no school run snack.

Did the food shop today and bought no snack basket items, lots of veg although we always have lots of veg anyway, but got some of your snack & breakfast suggestions to try.

I’m going to prepare an after school ‘snack’ for when they get home - large glass of water, breadsticks, cucumber & carrot with hummus & do an earlier dinner if I can. Then Greek yoghurt & berries if they need anything else before bed.

it’s a learning curve but hopefully I’m on the right track!

That all sounds fab!

I would also agree with the recommendation to read the Glucose Goddess book. It's very easy going but has totally transformed how I see sugar and carbs.

This is true too. My step daughter is skin and bones but she eats a diet of sweets and junk food and rarely gets off the sofa /her bed. I don't think she's ever willingly done sport ! There will be chunky children who are far healthier and fitter

That sounds really great. Well done for spotting a potential issue and dealing with it while she's still young enough to change habits.

And definitely get them eating nuts regularly, its the best way to prevent allergies. Edit: if choking is a fear you can crush them and stick them in with the greek yoghurt