At what age did you first have an night away from your children?

[MummaDaisy]

Hi all,

I have a 5 month old and am a FTM. It hasn’t been easy but I love being a mum so far. But I also miss having time to myself and also with my partner alone. We have not yet left our baby to spend time together alone.

Im torn as I’d love to spend some time alone and with my partner just the two of us at some point but whenever I think about leaving her my heart drops and I can’t imagine being without her. I wonder will I always feel this way? I feel immense guilt when I think about leaving her.

I don’t plan to do it anytime soon as I am currently BF’ing but eventually it is something I would like to do. But I am curious at what age other peoples children were when they felt comfortable to leave them with a trusted person perhaps overnight.

I have a fantastic family and am very close with my family and trust them, that’s not the issue. I think I’m imagining my daughter will miss me and hate me for it! Will these feelings I have end? Or will I just have to one day brave it and see how I feel?

My toddler cried for me the night I had to go into hospital to have my second because my home birth stalled (and it had been two days since my waters broke so there was pressure on me for monitoring). It was horrible leaving them!

I then had a planned night away and took the baby on a baby friendly hen do when toddler was 2 and a half and it was absolutely fine. No tears and had a lot of fun with Nanny.

It's very personal to you. I prefer "day dates" because I like to put my little ones to sleep.

A few months old, there was wonderful grandparents to look after then so there was no reason not too, they have raised their own kids so knew what to do

20 months. I had a night away to go to a wedding and baby stayed with DH at home.

21months we booked a baby sitter and had a couple of hours out for dinner.

Again at 30month just before baby 2 arrived, and we haven't yet resumed any evening dates since yet. Baby 2 is 14months.

2 date nights in more than 3.5y. Grandparents are not in good enough health to help out, and other family have their own commitments and childcare. A date day every 6 weeks though while one of both are at nursery!

We're about to start a babysitting group with some local friends with kids the same age though so I'm optimistic!

Haven't done this with my 2 and half year old yet. He is also breastfed (now just before bed, at nap time and in the morning) and we've always co-slept. I'm not sure how easy it would be for someone else to settle him!

It's very personal to you. I prefer "day dates" because I like to put my little ones to sleep.@Flittingaboutagain me too, I like it!

When they were 14,16 and 18.

There was just never anyone to have them.

Within the first couple of months with both children. I have a lovely mum who I was happy to leave them with.
Everyone is different and it's fine to have a night off when you feel comfortable to do so.

At what age did you first have an night away from your children?

I think I was about 37 - 38. But to be honest I did find it very stressful and could have done with leaving it a few more years.

A week away with work when DS1 was 4 and DS2 was 2.

Me and DH together? When the kids were 4 and 6 maybe.

About 2.5 when I first had a night away on my own, and then 3ish when we first did a night away together. He was absolutely fine with both.

I wouldn't have wanted to until he was at least a year, I don't think (and then Covid stopped everything so I don't know if we'd have done it earlier).

I think I’m imagining my daughter will miss me and hate me for it!

a baby does not have the capacity to reason that way.

Age 3 when I spent a night in hospital then another night in hospital having ds2.

Ages 7 and 4 when I went on a residential overnight with school.

Us together? Well they're teenagers now and let's just say it's happened 3 single nights in their life.

We even haven't had them both out at the same time and us home alone more than twice either.

Its not that I wouldn't have either if we shave had family!! Maybe not as toddlers but definitely once they were verbal!

Never, DH has because he had work travel. But we don’t have anyone to take care of DC so it is what it is,

DS is 5 and I still can't bring myself to leave him overnight. I never ever thought I'd be like this! I've had a few nights away on work trips but he's been at home with DH.

I think I went away with work when they were about 9 and 10. With DH, they were I think 17 and 18. Both are adopted with additional needs so struggle a little more than most and we never had anyone who would look after them overnight.

DH and I went to London for two nights when DS was 23 months, GParents stayed at ours with him. DH had been away quite a few times but I didn’t feel ready until then!

Just under 3 months old. It’s against all the mumsnet rules but it was my best friend of 25 years’ hen do and she’d had a really tough year. She organised me a wonderful hen do and she’s incredibly important to me so I wanted to make the weekend special for her.

The baby was with my husband, so with a parent.

Aged nearly 2, DH looked after DS alone while I was away 24 hours on a work event. DS refused to speak to me all morning 😂. Shortly afterwards he started doing sleepovers at his Granny’s, which he loved, and we had a grandma generation friend babysit a couple of times. Then COVID hit…

aged 10 or 11.

When my son was 3 months old.
My nieces were a lot older and wouldn't be left and I didn't want that to happen.

I had my eldest GD9 at 2 weeks….my Dd went to a wedding, my GD5 at 6 weeks…..so my DD could catch up on sleep ...it’s very normal where I am for GC to have overnights with family from a young age

6 weeks old and then after that roughly every 6 weeks.

I breastfed and pumped enough milk for an overnight

Wow so envious of those with regular nights away.

It will be 18 years..

Wow such a range of ages! I suppose that the ‘right’ time really is different for everyone!

I suppose I know it’s valid that perhaps my baby can’t feel hate for me as she won’t understand why I have left but I think you always worry don’t you even if it’s irrational.

those day dates sound like a good idea, currently my daughter sleeps in our room and halfway through the night co-sleeps safely with me in my bed and gets BF. So I think my worry is mainly about settling her so in the meantime perhaps I’ll start with a day date and work my way up once she starts weaning off BM and sleeps in her own room.