At what age did you first have an night away from your children?

[MummaDaisy]

Hi all,

I have a 5 month old and am a FTM. It hasn’t been easy but I love being a mum so far. But I also miss having time to myself and also with my partner alone. We have not yet left our baby to spend time together alone.

Im torn as I’d love to spend some time alone and with my partner just the two of us at some point but whenever I think about leaving her my heart drops and I can’t imagine being without her. I wonder will I always feel this way? I feel immense guilt when I think about leaving her.

I don’t plan to do it anytime soon as I am currently BF’ing but eventually it is something I would like to do. But I am curious at what age other peoples children were when they felt comfortable to leave them with a trusted person perhaps overnight.

I have a fantastic family and am very close with my family and trust them, that’s not the issue. I think I’m imagining my daughter will miss me and hate me for it! Will these feelings I have end? Or will I just have to one day brave it and see how I feel?

Tbh there's threads like this v frequently and it's like how long is a piece of string? Everyone is different.

The first time anyone but me or DH put DC1 to bed was when she was 3.5 because we were still in hospital after I'd had DC1. We got home around 10pm though and she woke not long after that and DH saw to her, so we weren't actually away a whole night.

She has since spent one night at my DP's, who live a few mins walk away and who she is very close to, a few months ago at age of 5.5. They offered to have her for a sleepover for years and it was the first time she's wanted to and actually gone to sleep (we had a failed attempt about 6 months prior). But obviously me and DH were home with DC2.

That's it, for many reasons. They are 6 and 2.5 now. We are expecting DC3 in the autumn so possibly may need to leave them overnight for that.

Do you just never go out? Genuine question
my GD are 8 and 5 now …..I’ve had then from being 2 weeks….I have them overnight at least a once a month….my DD would have missed out on weddings and parties ….and often I just have them so they can go on date dates or stay in and get a takeaway just the2 of them…..Ive had them for weekends ….long weekends …land the longest was 5 nights when they went abroad….I will be having them 7 nights next year when parents go away….my own DM did very similar for us….it just the norm where we are….the GD do slightly less nights over at other grannies but definitely every 2 months

Gosh so jealous! No we haven't had meals out together or dates or anything as haven't had anyone to watch the children!!! We'd have had a takeaway without them when they used to go to bed at 7 so after they're in bed

Now they're older (15 and 12) we do nip out for a couple of hours here and there.

Your DD is so very lucky!

My first nights without my daughter was when I was rushed back to hospital with an infection after a caesarean. When discharged things were pretty difficult for me, so after 4 weeks my parents had her for the weekend, it was such a relief. After this she was a regular visitor at grandma and grandads, it took me a good year to heal, it was a nasty infection, they had me nil by mouth and nearly subjected me to an open wound, thank god for antibiotics!

4 years old. I had to go into hospital to have second DC. Dh stayed at home though

Age 2 for both of mine and they were left with the other parent. No idea when we'll get the chance for a night away together.

I had such a difficult time when mine were young. I'd love to just have had family company an afternoon here and there but even better would have been a break.

I dont think it's the right word but I'm so jealous. It would have been life changingly different.

I did leave my first with a friend for a couple of nights while we went to a wedding when he was about 11 months old. Then never again until earlier this year, and he is 18, his sibling 14. We couldn't afford it.
I have travelled for work and left him with his father or grandparents, but never felt I could ask them to have the kids just for us having a jolly!

Is this cos you’ve moved away and have no family nearby? ….my DD always says she would never live more than 15 mins walk from me so the kids can get to mine themselves when they are older and I’ve retired!
joking apart….i don’t think my DD would see herself as ‘lucky’ as it’s very normal here where I live….I mean she’s always appreciative ….but if she came on These threads ( which she never does! ) ….she would be shocked that it’s not the norm.

weekly nights out for DH and I from when DT’s were tiny - two of their nursery staff became our babysitters. Weekend breaks whenever the grandparents flew over to look after them - worked well - DH and I had a trip away together and the grandparents had some time with the DT’s.

Both dc, for different reasons, had a night or two away from us from just a few weeks old.

@Kitkat1523 no not close family (traumatic childhood etc).

I still think your DD is very lucky!! Very different life to those of us without family help. And if you look on mn even those with family help it's often sporadic!

The first night, they were born, unfortunately. I didn't get to see her until the next evening. 15 days later, when she was let out of hospital, it was our first night together.

@Kitkat1523 we have moved away but only because my mum made it very clear she didn’t want to look after our children ever and my family live in a very expensive part of England. We moved away to have a better quality of life (smaller mortgage and less working hours) but we wouldn’t have done if we had had interested grandparents. Despite both sets of grandparents benefiting from loads of help from their own parents (both my husband and I slept at our grandparents weekly) neither set want to help in anyway. My mum grudgingly had my first while I gave birth to my second. It’s ruined our relationships with them tbh because I find them incredibly selfish. Your daughter is very very lucky, you sound wonderful, I hope to do the same for my children

My LO has been doing overnights with my mum weekly from about 6 weeks, and we've also done a couple of long weekends away (together and separately). I miss him but at 20m he still doesn't sleep through the night and I think we'd combust if we didn't get that one regular night off.

I don't think there's a right or a wrong here though, I have friends who have never left their kids overnight and have no immediate plans to, and they adjust their lives accordingly!

9 weeks. He didnt sleep, we didn’t sleep so my amazing MIL said let me have him and it was glorious. He sleeps over there about once every two months and has done since then. We’re very lucky I know that

DC1 was 18 months when I spent a night in hospital after having DC2.
DC2 was about 15 months when we left the DC with GPs overnight to go to a wedding.
DC3 was about 3 or 4 when we went to a late function and the 3 DCs stayed with my DSis.

10 weeks old

congratulations on BF for so long!

it really is up to you and there shouldn’t be any pressure from anyone to do so.

does your little one take a bottle? Have you ever left them for any period of time (with someone other that your partner?)

Nope, nobody has ever offered to have them overnight for us. In fact nobody has ever offered to sit in our house even whilst they're both asleep for us to go out for a few hours in the evening. I wouldn't mind leaving them a very small group of people that they're close to, but nobody will do it, so we can't! But it's fine obviously I don't expect them to, we chose to have kids after all. We have a takeaway once a fortnight when they're in bed and watch a film together or play games. We do both have social lives of our own but we have to go out separately for those obviously.

Still not had one, my children are age 6 and 7. This is only due to having no options. But if you do; and you trust them, then do it. Enjoy it, don't feel guilty. They get to build loving relationships with family/friends who care and you get a moment to yourself to just be you.

When they've went on sleepovers but never both at the same time! They're teens now.....

7weeks for 1 night when my parents had him. They've never done it since! They did do regular childcare for me to work though so definitely more than a lot of people get. After that it wasn't until he was 7 and he went away with cubs overnight. He's done school residentials yearly since then too but I never feel I can go very far or have a drink in case I need to go and collect him.

You Can only go by what you personally feel comfortable with. It’s so different for different people.

With my DC1 (DS), I was knackered and a bit down after he was born and relished any chance of a break! I stopped breastfeeding at 6 weeks, so he didn’t exclusively need me, and to be honest, I didn’t miss him when I went out. Me & DH had our first night out (dinner & comedy club) when he was 7 weeks old while my DSis babysat. At 12 weeks old, I left him with DH for one night to go on a hen night. At 5 months, my Mum had him for a weekend while me & DH went away.

With my second child, DD, I felt totally different. Couldn’t bear to be away from her! She was about 18 months old before I’d leave her with my Mum for an evening.

DD1 - had a night away when she was 2. (And then again to give birth to her sister at 3). She was with DH both times.

DD2 is 3 and never had a night away.