Hi guys thanks for reading.
I’m worried about my 5 year old Daughter. I feel like she lives on eggshells 80% of the time. Her dad (my partner who I have been with for 14 years!) is constantly on her back. He has sort of OCD traits and so nags her constantly, tells her to “shut up” frequently throughout the day (if she is sort of moaning a bit about something), tells her to stop “whinging” , threatens her , he puts her down, he raises his voice.. say I say to her “please could you come to sit down for breakfast “ (in a normal voice) he will instantly say “SIT DOWN/ STOP MESSING ABOUT/ LISTEN!” Before she has even had time to react to my normal communication. She is the sweetest kindest girl. She does sort of get quite emotional but when it’s just me there it’s instantly resolved with a cuddle. My parenting is totally the opposite to his. He is very authoritative. It’s just.. I feel the eggshells- he’s like it to me but that’s another story. He says to me he finds her so annoying and she needs to be put on n her place. He also says when I’m not there (not often) she isn’t so wingy and she listens to him. I do get this point/ because we are not aligned in our parenting she doesn’t listen to him because he’s scary and I’m gentle.In the past And if he’s especially annoyed he has called her a “little prck” or even “a fcking cnt. He has never physically hurt her except the other day he slapped her , because she was winding him up? He apologised straight afterwards… the next morning , in anger, he also kicked our stair gate down of the wall, which she saw. He sometimes tries to take her to classes, like beach life saving but she sometimes comes back crying because she didn’t want to get involved and he got annoyed. He says things like “she’s not into surfing/the sea she just likes little dollys and dresses” but when she goes to the group with me she loves it. She goes through spells where she sucks her lower lip and seems anxious. I feel I have to compensate for his behaviour towards her. I live in fear that she will be damaged by this. I also am afraid our 1 year old son (who he idolises) will pick up his behaviour. There’s so much more really but although I have written all this there are times when he can be sort of a normal decent dad I think and she dies have some nice times with him. He does quite often say “why did we have kids”. The egg shells is the main issue here. I can feel it in our home so can she. I can possibly be overly sensitive (that’s what I’m told) and maybe I make a bigger deal of it which in turn can probably be quite toxic for her to witness .Should I see a child psychologist with her? I can’t really afford it but what to do? I do often think of leaving him but that comes with all those complications too. Thank you x