Going back to work at 5 weeks..guilt?

[Picklesjar20]

Feeling really guilty and that i am awful. Anyone else go back to work really soon after birth? Just don't want to feel alone in it and that I am awful :(

Had a lot of judgement from family/friends 😭😭

It's part time and around dads work..don't know if my justifications help 😅
It's just I am in line for promotion and doing qualifications..if I don't long term we will struggle :( also tbh it's helping postpartum anxiety and my mental health oddly..

No, not that early, but I was back at work when ds was 12 weeks and that was using childcare rather than working around the other parent so emotionally probably harder.
On the other hand it was the norm back when I had babies so less judgement.

Some people are threatened by those who don't do the same as them, whether it's a year long mat leave or being a SAHP.

Do what you need to do and ignore judgement. Oh and I was a long term breast feeder too, so don't be put off by anyone saying you won't be able to manage that.

It sounds like the right decision for you and your family. If your baby is with their dad and it's part time it's an amazing opportunity for them to build a strong bond. Don't feel guilty ❤️

How part time are we talking?

I personally believe that babies need to be with their mum (specifically their mum, not either parent) during the fourth trimester as much as possible. Gently,I wouldn’t do this unless I absolutely had to in order to keep food in our mouths and a roof over our heads as I don’t think it would be in the baby’s best interests. It’s a crucial time for recovering from the birth and getting to know and bonding with your baby.

Congrats on your baby and I hope that you’ve got support for the postpartum anxiety. That’s very difficult to be dealing with on top of having to make the enormous adjustment of becoming a mum.

Do what you need to do. Screw the others. If your baby is with dad, then that’s wonderful.

I got back to riding my horse after 3-4 weeks which meant I took 3ish hours away from my baby every day. I also went skiing with baby at 9 weeks and we took turns going skiing with our friends while the other looked after baby. They are far more “selfish” things to do than you investing in your family’s future! But they kept me sane and enjoying having a little baby rather than resentful that I’d given up all my hobbies. I’m prone to depression and anxiety.

I’m still breast feeding and co-sleeping at 8 months. Baby is a very happy and outgoing little thing who loves meeting people and being held by them. I have managed to breast feed for far longer than I thought I would because we mixed fed from start so I didn’t feel overwhelmed by it. As it is, I’ll be able to continue happily until she’s at least a year old.

Heading back to work with a staged return is now fine because I practised what I needed to do when we were skiing (pumping during the day).

I couldn't/wouldn't have done that, but you do what works for you.
Out of interest, has the baby's dad been made to feel guilty for returning to work?

It’s typical in America

If you are co-sleeping, then your newborn is literally with you nearly all the time. If you’re close with her 20-21 of 24 hours a day and the other 3 or 4 hours with dad or granny, you’re not damaging your newborn. You’re letting key family figures build special relationships with your baby and making sure you have a (very small!) village around you.

It also means you don’t have an incompetent and ignorant dh when you do want or need to gain some of your independence back later. My dh is a wonderful and instinctive first-time father as he was responsible for our baby from week 3, if just for a few hours

I'm not sure we should be aiming for what happens in the USA tbh.
OP needs to do what feels right for her.

I had to return to work at 6 weeks with DS1. I had many snide comments made but all from people who were not going to be helping me pay my bills and keep a roof over his head.

He's 23 now and appears to be pretty ok.

I run my own business and was literally working while in labour and as soon as my DS was born! (Just emails etc). I was back 4 hours a day when he was 6 weeks old and I actually think it helped keep me sane. I still spent 20 hours a day with my DS (who I was - and still am - besotted with) but i enjoy working.

In the US 12 weeks maternity leave is standard.

Again, the US standards aren't to be aimed for. OP must do what works for her.

Don’t feel bad, people judge no matter what. I went to back at 12 weeks. My children are 5 and 3 now. No lasting effects! You do what you need to do. Often the people that make us feel bad, are the ones who don’t understand (or try to) our situations.

Plus I hate maternity leave. It was the most lonely time of my life.

Unfortunately OP the most important lesson you need to learn as a mother is that you will be judged no matter what, so there’s just no point giving a fuck about what others think.

Presumably your baby will be looked after and safe?

Bet they’re not judging your partner for being back at work

You do what is right for you and your family. I wouldn’t judge you.

This isn’t a criticism, just a warning. The hormones take a while to settle. We chemical beasts as well as rational beings

Keep an eye on how you are feeling and whether you are coping with the change and the recovery. Be confident your partner is in tune with the baby, rather than seeing the baby as a potato, needs wise, at this stage.

And do what works for you. You really don’t want to scupper your return to work by over promising and needing to draw back.

Sounds fine, dad is going to be looking after baby anyway while you are at work, it would be a bit early if baby was going into childcare but baby will be with dad. Mine went into workplace nursery at 12 weeks.

5 weeks IS very early op. Sorry.

My DD was six weeks when I had to go back to work full-time, I was a single parent. We had a lovely, close relationship throughout her childhood and she is now a very successful and very wealthy professional. Very happy in herself, too.

My advice - don’t let guilt drive you to be a Disney parent when you are together, children get far more security when you actually parent. And you can never have too many cuddles from your Mum, so when you are together don’t let things like the washing up seem more important, it isn’t.

@MrsTartanTeacosy a 'Disney' parent? I'm assuming that doesn't mean corrupt?

Depends. Is it working from home? How much part time is part time?
You do you, as long as it is a joint decision. Sounds like you're going to work no matter what opinions are. The only person who can ease your guilt is yourself.

I would not recommend for many, many reasons. American ways of not supporting mothers with a full income during maternity or safeguarding a 'role' upon return is atrocious and not something we should aspire to.
Regrets in life is not from not working enough. It's from not having the quality time with your children. Work can wait. But this is my experience. You've not disclosed your intended hours away from baby so hard for all to advise accordingly.

This is mumnset where some mum's won't leave their kids alone until they're 21 and still think they should be living with them at 35, so you won't get rational answers!

My went back to work when my son was 6 weeks. Had to as I'd had just changed jobs not knowing I was pregnant.

Anyway he's 25 and flying in his career, he's a happy well rounded individual with loads of friends, a steady partner a great life and am so proud of him of him my heart could burst.

Happy mum means happy baby. Ignore the nasty snide comments. Who cares what they think?

Oddly no..hes being praised for being so dedicated to the family..and I'm told I'm neglectful and going to damage my baby 😂😂

But my parents who also judge don't want to see the baby much and I am on my own..which is fine..but it does mean that I have to work around things. Hence having to do shifts around partner.

My partner is reluctant soley because he doesn't want to deal with both kids at once after work..but tbf I do that all day, go work, come back and up all night with them, so I'm feeling a little bit taken for granted, dismissed and treated that I am somehow above human basic functioning 😂

I ideally didn't want to go work so soon, but when needs must and just looking at reaping the rewards and benefits in year and then it will all be worth it 😅

I think you should be putting the needs of your newborn baby first and foremost for this short but fundamental time in their lives. It is nothing to laugh about, and comes across as quite jarring. Have you seen a HV and do you feel okay in yourself? There seems to be quite a celebratory tone to your post that feels at odd with leaving a tiny baby at this point.

I suspected that might be the case, sadly women are still expected to be the main caregiver. Do what works for you. Hopefully there will be some leeway in any decision, because it's also ok to have a re-think further down the line.