Going back to work at 5 weeks..guilt?

[Picklesjar20]

Feeling really guilty and that i am awful. Anyone else go back to work really soon after birth? Just don't want to feel alone in it and that I am awful :(

Had a lot of judgement from family/friends 😭😭

It's part time and around dads work..don't know if my justifications help 😅
It's just I am in line for promotion and doing qualifications..if I don't long term we will struggle :( also tbh it's helping postpartum anxiety and my mental health oddly..

It's a few hours a night then a day on weekend. I've kept it as minimal and flexible as possible. So I'm not away all day, I can pop in and out on the weekend day. Trying to cater to everyone's needs, it's a juggling act. But my partner put us in a dubious financial position so I need to provide stability in that aspect as well its imperative for me that the children's needs are met so trying to navigate and balance the emotional, developmental and the financial basic needs too :(

Oddly no..hes being praised for being so dedicated to the family..and I'm told I'm neglectful and going to damage my baby

That says it all OP. If they’re really that concerned about your baby being neglected what are they doing to help? Although of course returning to work and leaving a baby to be safely cared for is not even close to neglect.

Thank you ❤️ that's so reassuring.

Your arrangement OP looks sooo flexible and super part time that, as long as you'll manage tiredness-wise, it sounds really sensible. Particularly if it's going to give you some sort of edge in the future. Can't see why not. I admire that you have the energy to even think about it though. I was a zombie at 5weeks pp.

Not in my experience. Most daycares won’t take babies under 6 weeks and big companies give you 3-4 months off. I was deep in the baby phase when I lived there and knew/still know a lot of working moms and I’ve never heard of anyone taking less than 12 weeks. Then dad usually gets a month paternity, chuck in a few vacation or personal days and both parents aren’t usually back at work until baby is more like 5-6 months old.

But OP you don’t sound ok- post partum
anxiety, a reluctant partner that won’t deal with 2 kids, working all day and staying up most of the night with the baby, feeling dismissed and taken for granted and by your own admission you don’t actually want to be doing it and it’s ‘needs must’. I imagine your friends and family are worried about you, I would be if it was someone I cared about.

Ok that changes things two ways.

Be very careful. It sounds absolutely fine for you and the baby. Eminently manageable.

However, don’t get stuck with being the main income while he fails to properly parent but appears to be the main parent.

You could end up trapped if the relationship fails. Make sure you are fully represented in the parenting stakes, even if you aren’t able to maximise your income. You don’t want to end up paying him CMS to badly parent your DC.

Thank you ❤️ I'm lucky the employers are absolutely amazing and very supportive.

I'm baffled how I'm functioning in all honesty..I don't even sit down for a cuppa 😂 constantly multi-tasking and running around, the minute the kids joint nap (rare occurance) I'm doing the meal prep whilst studying. Then up all night with baby haha I get a few hours here and there of passed out sleep 😂😂 I know it will level out though and hopefully get more manageable.. short term pain for long term gain is what I keep telling myself 😂😂

I worked very part time (6 hours a week at first) from when my DD was a few weeks old (can't remember precisely now but under 3 months). She was looked after by someone I trusted and who was very capable. In addition to these 6 hours where DD was looked after by someone else I also worked a further 12 hours a week at home either with DD by myself or while she was sleeping. Is there any flexibility for you to do some of your work at home?

Or you might just bitterly regret losing such precious time with your babies, you can't buy it or bring it back. Once it has gone, it has completely gone. I would be heartbroken in your place and would not choose to ever do this unless we could not afford to eat/survive. It is such a shame you do not seem to see how precious this time is with your newborn baby.

Personally I couldn’t have left my babies longer than the time to have a shower at that age as it would have just felt totally unnatural. Plus to be honest it was the hardest time of my life with my first due to total lack of sleep, breastfeeding round the clock, hormones and emotions. I couldn’t even look after myself properly (lost 4 stone via stress) let alone think about work! I guess if you have a baby that sleeps and formula feed things might be different.
If it’s for only a few hours here and there it’s not so bad

Yes I agree, which I think is why I'm splitting myself in two to do it all currently..

But in theoretical talks, it's quite obvious he wouldn't want to be a full time parent..plus eldest has needs currently being investigated, not trying to be unfair, but realistically he wouldn't cope in prolonged periods :( I find it hard and it's also my work job so presumably know what is meant to help, but putting it into practise with your child who you love, it's hard not to panic in the moment.

I can’t believe you, the mother, are flexible working around your partner, managing two kids, doing the bulk of the work, training for a promotion to better your financial situation because your partner put you in a risky financial situation is demonised, called unnatural for leaving your baby, that you’ll regret not having this time. When your partner, the father, makes a bad financial decision meaning you need to take this opportunity, is reluctant to be with both of his kids while you try to dig him out of the hole he dug and he’s being praised for being dedicated to the family. Fucking joke.

OP well done. You are obviously really dedicated to your family. You are bending over backwards when you’re exhausted to better your family’s future. A couple of hours away from your baby, when baby is with their dad is not the end of the world. My only concern would be you burning out, especially as it seems like you work in SEN?

I wouldn't have been able to do this as I was EBF but I think if you're formula feeding and your baby is with a trusted, close caregiver, it's totally fine. I admit I'd be dubious about anyone using paid childcare for a baby that young, but your baby is with their Dad, that's different.

Omg thank you ❤️ I feel seen 😅 I feel like the more I do, the more that is expected. I feel I'm burning the candle at both ends and its not acknowledged, my efforts just being picked at negatively and I'm sat there inwardly screaming what more can I possibly do?

If I had another child I'd have to be back at work pretty much full time at 4/5 weeks, so the hours you've mentioned sound realistic to me (DH would stay home with the baby). To be honest it's one of the reasons I'm not having more children but you do what you have to do in these situations.

It does sound like you're generally doing a lot though. Can it all be split better? @WhereIsMyLight has hit the nail on the head.

You do what works for you and your family.

And try and let go of the guilt. It doesn’t serve you.

@Picklesjar20 "what more can I possibly do?"

You can ditch the negative Nellies that are criticising you.

Honestly you are carrying everyone else. Tune out the critics and make it work for you.

Remember to look after yourself.

You could stop for instance, and focus on the most important things in your life. Like your own well being and your newborn.

Do what's good for you lovely. I went back at 12 weeks, I hated maternity leave, trapped in a house, in a rural location. I drove but didn't have a car at the time. I wouldn't bother what other folk are saying especially if they're not helping out.

I feel like your partner is the real issue here OP. Are you really having to go back so early because your partner messed up your finances, or is it genuinely because you're working for your promotion? He should be the one running around after you, not the other way around.

I wonder if there's more to unpick here, and the judgement about you going back so soon is a red herring. Is he looking after you at all? What did he do to your finances?

Sending 💐, I couldn't have told you my own name at 5 weeks.

You do what’s best for you. Absolutely no judgement here. We aren’t suppose to raise babies alone and in the old days mothers would have to go back to work on the farm lands etc and use a wet nurse to feed their babies. Families would raise kids together. If it’s helping your PP anxiety it’s going to help you recover and be a better mum. You’ll get a lot of negative responses on here (which is fine, you’ve asked for opinions and everyone has their own and I respect that) but don’t let these get you down- especially if you’re feeling a bit blue from hormones etc. do what you need to do and you and your baby will be absolutely fine xx

Your baby will be fine but it sounds like too much for you to do on top of everything else and no sleep.

Take a proper maternity leave from work and use the few hours in the evening/at the weekend that dad is looking after the baby to do your qualification.

If you are clearly in line for promotion now, you still will be at the end of your mat leave.

Yes he is making things hard..he hid debts, found out via a letter saying about bailiffs. It's sorted with a DRO..

But it's put us in the position of being unable to rent/mortgage due to his credit and me not having a wage..and our current landlord is selling..council we are bottom of the list..so it is unfortunately the only way my babies will have a home that's not bouncing around emergency accommodation or miraculously getting a council in the 6 years it takes for the credit check to clear..so to be blunt feeling pretty fucked 😂😂

I don't feel I have the luxury not to secure my financial situation, and I couldn't honestly be home cuddling my baby knowing they will lose a home and I have a chance to change it but not doing it 😭😭

My goodness, good luck.

My mum returned to work when my sister was 5 weeks old. She was only entitled to 6 weeks mat leave and my sister was a week late. She would have loved to have spent longer off work but it was the early 90s and mortgage rates were high and we needed a roof over our heads and food on the table.
My dad worked 8 -4 and overtime at the weekend. My mum worked 5pm-9pm shifts 5 days a week as they couldn't afford childcare. Working evenings meant she did still have all day with my sister and was able to drop me off and pick me up from school and in the evenings we were looked after by my dad.

It wasn't easy but if you are looking at part time hours that can be worked around your partner's work or having other family do some of the caring it will be doable.